The Tribune

YESTERDAY was International Women’s Day and there were thousands of events held all over the world to raise awareness of issues women face, celebrate the progress that has been made, recognize women whose contributions have helped us to move closer to gender equality and kickstart new initiatives and programmes.

This year, we are embroiled in multiple disjointed conversations about women’s rights, gender, the law and the role of the government. These conversations are, far too often, had in ways that suggest these topics are separate, not only from each other, but also from our daily lives. Too many people seem to be unable to see beyond their own experiences and refuse to trust the people whose lives are evidence of a different reality.

International Women’s Day and Women’s History Month ought to be a time for us to honour women, listen to the voices of women and use the knowledge we gain to build a better world for women, understanding it would benefit everyone.

This week, marital rape is a hot topic. Yes, again. We may find the topic exhausting, especially in conversations with people who refuse to listen and learn, but it continues to be an issue that affects people’s lives. Marital rape is rape. Even having the term “marital rape” seems to suggest it is something other than rape, but the presence of the word “marital” does not change the meaning of the word “rape”. It is possible, it is vile, and it is inexcusable for a person to rape their spouse.

People who are married are still people. They are still human beings. They have human rights. They have the right to decide whether or not they will have sex, who they will have sex with, when they will have sex and the conditions under which that will happen. They have the right to give or withhold consent to sexual activity because they are human beings and marriage does not turn them into objects or property, nor does it subjugate them to anyone.

Without consent, there is no sex. Sexual intercourse without consent is rape. There are no exceptions.

It is important to state all of this plainly for a number of reasons. One that is particularly important, here and now, is that rape is not sex. Without consent, it is rape. It is not “non-consensual sex” or “unlawful sex” as police classify and news outlets report it. It is rape.

A major failure of the education system is the lack of comprehensive sexuality education. The remedy for this is not only to immediately include it in all schools, but to provide it to everyone. There are far too many people walking around with misinformation, engaging with other people, entering relationships and raising children. They are violating people, being violated by people, avoiding important conversations and contributing to a sex negative environment and pervasive rape culture. People need to understand consent in all aspects of their lives, including sex. People need to know how to open, put on, and remove condoms. They need to know that removing a condom without telling their partner is a violation. They need to know how to talk about contraceptives and the available options.

They need to know what consent does and does not look like. They need to know that they are not entitled to sex, and no one else is entitled to sex. In addition to knowing consent is clear and specific, given of a person’s free will and not coerced, it must be common knowledge that consent can be withdrawn at any time. They need to know that sex is not one partner’s burden or duty and the other partner’s pleasure. We need to talk about sex in positive ways and acknowledge it is supposed to be enjoyable. People of all genders give and receive pleasure during sex. We must not limit our conversations about sex to consent, but acknowledge pleasure. No one should have the impression that sex is to be endured, or that it is a responsibility to participate, regardless of what they want. People need to know they can say “no”, and they need to accept “no” from others.

Another important reason to state these facts about sex and personhood is to make it clear married people do not own each other. They are two people, in a relationship that is recognised by some entity or entities outside of them which include(s) the government and may include a religious institution. It must be stated that many religions have, facilitated and endorsed marriage, and these religions have different texts, interpretations and sets of beliefs. These are separate from the government (especially in secular States) and the law which must protect people’s human rights. At no point should a religious text be a determining factor in the writing or application of law meant for all of the people in a country with religious freedom. No matter the interpretation of religious text, the law must protect people.

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights is a good starting point for understanding the rights of the individual. Let’s look at just five Articles.

Article 3: “Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.”

Article 4: “No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms.”

Article 5: “No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.”

Article 6: “Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person before the law.”

Article 7: “All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law[…].”

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights says all people are people. Yes, even women! Yes, even married women! This applies whether or not the two become one or wives are admonished to submit to their husbands by a particular (interpretation of) religious text. All people are entitled to freedom. No one is to be enslaved in any way. Yes, including sex, and yes, that includes married people! No one is to be treated cruelly, even as punishment.

Think of this alongside the arguments of so many who say it is the wife’s duty to have sex with her husband whenever he wants to have sex, and if she does not comply, he can “just take it”. It is rape, it is a violation of human rights, and if it is not criminalised, married women are not being recognised as people before the law and married women are certainly not equally protected by the law.

We depend on the law. It tells us what to do or not do. Stop at red traffic lights. Do not exceed 15 miles per hour in school zones. Laws not only help us to keep order, but they tell us what to value. Why is the speed limit lower in school zones? Children are walking to and from school. These children are not always accompanied by adults, and some are too young to fully understand the rules of the road and the risk involved in certain actions. Children may run into the road. They may fall in the road. They may miscalculate the speed of an oncoming car and try to cross the road. No matter how we feel about children and parents’ responsibility for them, we must slow down in school zones in order to protect them. As we drive slower, we may get to observe them more. We may see the seven-year-old holding the hand of a four-year-old as they walk home together. We may see teenagers walking with young siblings. We observe relationships and behaviours, and we may even learn more about people in situations that differ from our own. Not only does the law force us to slow down and draw our attention to the children and the value of their lives, but it has the indirect effect of sensitising us to their experiences and making us more aware of what is happening around us.

We need the law to protect us, to moderate our behaviour, and to shape culture. Our laws have always done this, and the evidence is in the conversations we are already having about discrimination, women’s rights, and, more specifically, marital rape. The Sexual Offences Act, as it is, has helped to convince people that women are not full human beings. It suggests that, when women get married, they lose their personhood and are no longer entitled to self-determination. It is blatant. The definition of rape excludes people who are being raped in marriage. It says, “Rape is the act of any person not under fourteen years of age having sexual intercourse with another person who is not his spouse[…]” Why are the last five words there? Married people are people. They are human beings. They are entitled to human rights. They must be protected recognised as people before the law, and they must have equal protection under the law. Married people do not have equal protection under the law. It was decided that they would have no recourse in cases where they are raped. This must change. The Sexual Offences Act must be amended. Rape is rape.

It has been suggested that marital rape be called “something other than rape”. No. That is not acceptable. Rape is rape. It does not change based on the relationship between the people. To call marital rape anything other than rape would validate the wrongheaded idea that married people, specifically married women, are not full human beings entitled to human rights. It would validate the idea that a person cannot rape their spouse. It would validate the idea that marriage is perpetual consent and married people are obligated, regardless of their thoughts, feelings, experiences, or needs, to have sex at each other’s demands and that it is appropriate to punish each other with rape. It would validate the idea that rape is sex, and that it is motivated by sexual desire. This is not the case. Rape is not sex. It is about power and control, and has nothing to do with love or sexual desire.

Calling it anything but rape is a lie, is lazy, is a refusal to do the work we elected Members of Parliament to do.

We do not need a new name for rape. We need to stop rape. We need to change the way we think and talk about sex. We need to change the way we think and talk about rape. We need to change the way we think and talk about marriage. A part of that change is changing the law. Rape is wrong, under any and all circumstances. Women are human beings with human rights, unmarried or married. The law must reflect that. The law must teach that. The law must make us aware of that. The most recent proposed amendment bill does not do what we need done. It must be called rape. There need not be any legal gymnastics related to this issue. Remove the words “who is not his spouse” from the definition of rape. All rape is wrong, dehumanising, and violent. All rape must be criminalised. It will contribute to a shift in our views of rape, sex, marriage and women in The Bahamas.