The Tribune

By ALESHA CADET Tribune Features Reporter WHAT was once a fairy tale has turned into a nightmare. The person with whom you once shared love and laughter has turned into someone you no longer recognise, someone who harasses and pressures you and just won't leave you alone - a "psycho ex". Motivational speaker and author Sherika Brown spoke with Tribune Woman about the telltale signs that could help you recognise if your partner could turn into someone with serious issues when the relationship ends. Ms Brown said signs to look out for include a partner becoming extremely controlling, embarrassing you publicly, struggling with rage and anger, lying constantly, showing up unannounced, checking your phones and social network sites, just to name a few. Living by the motto that "humans have been created with a freedom of choice", Ms Brown said one should never be involved with anyone who takes away your choice to make decisions. " If someone is involved in this kind of relationship, they should confront the person about their tendencies. If they refuse to change, they should also break off the relationship. In addition, they should make persons who are close to them aware of the characteristics of that person, so that the relationships in their life could protect them from their control and manipulation. If necessary, they should get authorities involved. Wisdom is to see potential danger and flee," she said. Ms Brown said she is speaking from experience, as she, too, was involved in a relationship with a psycho ex. "I eventually left the relationship after facing the truth about who he was and deciding that it was not what I wanted for my life," she said. Ms Brown's experience is only one of many, and Tribune Woman spoke with a number of people who shared stories about failed relationships which quickly turned into catastrophes. Tamara Fyne* said she was ready to walk down the aisle with a man who turned out to be a psycho stalker. "I was actually engaged to him, but it didn't work out. And when I left him, I told him we needed a break, no ties, no nothing. A few months after we separated I moved into the western area of the island and I understand he was living in the eastern area, so I'll never understand why or how this guy began to stalk me. I decided to stay up late one morning, like until around 3am. When I finally went to sleep, my cousin woke me up, telling me there was someone outside of my window singing very loud. This man was screaming out 'I still love you'." "Then he began to call and text me excessively. He took it as far as following me on the road. There was a day I noticed he was following me so I detoured on a roundabout and I circled around that bend about five times repeatedly, and so did he; it was insane. I hurried to the police station and that is when he went his way. There was also a time when he pulled up on me at the Laundromat at about 12am. After I while I found out he had a girlfriend, that was the happiest day of my life. I never had any problems from him again," she said. Peter Francis* also had an experience with stalking. "There is nothing worse than a bitter ex-girlfriend that turns into a stalker. I actually stopped talking to her because she started to stalk me while in the relationship. This girl would just call my phone so I could hear her breathing, no words, just breathing. She would give little notes to my co-workers to give to me; this went on for about a year. Even up to this day, if I happen to see her around, I have to get lost quick, fast and in a hurry," he said. Monique Clare* said she became frightened of her ex-boyfriend who somehow always knew where to find her. "I was dating this guy and we were together for a year or two. When I went off to school that's when things went downhill and we decided to break up. And I noticed freaky things, like every time I came home on breaks he would be the first one to call my phone and tell me, 'I know you are here'. I don't know how this guy knew my whereabouts, but he knew everything and that was scary. He would drive by my house throughout the night, and I knew he did this because a text would come to my phone saying, 'I see you're home tonight'. He doesn't bother me anymore though, but he was just plain crazy," she said. Nathan Sands* said it was his ex-girlfriend's insecurities which led to her extremely paranoid behaviour. "This girl was as beautiful as butterfly, and I am sure she still is, but even her beauty could not save her from her insecurities; I don't understand it. She would check my phone while I was sleeping and all that stuff. She took it as far as going to BTC and getting a print-out of my calls and text messages for my phone. I got tired of it, getting accused every day and being tracked down. I said if she went to the extreme that like and we were only dating, what if I had put a ring on her finger and we got married. I would advise anyone who is in a relationship like that one to get out fast." Asia Simmons* said: "Oh my goodness, I dated this guy and he was a complete lunatic who wanted to be in control of everything. Don't get me wrong, he was not abusive or anything like that, but he wanted to tell me what to wear, what not to wear, what food to eat, and it was crazy. I was like this is not the guy I fell for, no way. I don't know if it was because of his own personal insecurities, but if I paid any male a compliment, he had it in his mind that I was cheating. I wish him the best though, but I am thankful to God that I am out and over all of that." *Names have been changed