The Tribune

By KIRKLAND PRATT

While grocery shopping a while back I ran into a girlfriend who I hadn’t seen in years. We were happy to meet up and share on our eventful past. Throughout the conversation she peered from side to side as if she was very anxious about being discovered chatting with me. Abruptly, she shoved me on my way as she recognised her husband approaching. Later on that day, she phoned me to apologise for her behaviour, admitting that her husband didn’t want her talking to “any man”.

On August 23, 1973 two men held up a bank in Stockholm, Sweden. Over the next five and a half days the two bank robbers held three women and a male hostage by strapping on dynamite to their bodies in the main vault. Finally, on August 28, the hostages were rescued. What followed was bizarre.

In the days and weeks of public curiosity and endless news cycles it became evident that the former hostages empathized with their captors. After their rescue, the hostages exhibited a shocking attitude. In their media interviews, it was clear that they supported their captors and actually feared that the police would come and apprehend them. One woman proposed to her one time captor and another partially funded a legal defence fund to mitigate another’s legal fees.

It is important to understand the general components of Stockholm Syndrome (SS) in abusive and controlling relationships:

The “Small Acts of KinDness” Perception

When in a threatening situation people look for some glimmer of hope that the situation may improve. Ironically, it may be when the abuser displays kindness such as handing food to a hostage or a husband sending roses to his wife at work after hitting her the evening before.

Fear of Displeasing Captor

In abusive and controlling relationships, the victim has the sense they are always “walking on eggshells” — fearful of saying or doing anything that might prompt a violent/intimidating outburst from a significant other. Subconsciously the victim begins to fix things that might spawn flare-ups, act in ways they know makes the abuser happy, or avoid aspects of their own life that may prompt a problem.

In severe cases of this, the victim may have difficulty leaving the abuser, feeling the abusive situation is their fault. The victim may actually regret the arrest of their partner for physical abuse. Some women will allow their children to be removed by child protective agencies rather than give up the relationship with their abuser.

Perceived Inability

to Escape

As you can well imagine this prison of abuse creates a sense of permanence leaving the abused to feel a sense of helplessness. Many victims feel they just can’t escape the till-death-do-us-part relationship that is, entangled by mutual financial issues/assets, mutual intimate knowledge, and or legal situations.

Every day Stockholm

Syndrome

Stockholm Syndrome can also be found in family, romantic, and interpersonal relationships. The abuser may be a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, father, mother, or any other role where the abuser is in a position of control or authority. Once the Syndrome is understood, it becomes clear how victims empower, become enamoured with and in some cases even defend their abusive figures. A quick check with the local magistrate’s court registrar would confirm dropped charges by women and men who take their lovers back and repeat claims from victims who bound individuals over the peace.

If any of the tenants of Stockholm Syndrome resonate with you, by all means seek a trained professional to discuss what your bondage may be so as to facilitate your empowerment process.

Keep thinking though, you are good for it.