The Tribune

By RENALDO DORSETT

Sports Reporter

rdorsett@tribunemedia.net

Chicago Bears at

Green Bay Packers

Aaron Rodgers got rid of the ‘stache. This could be the most important grooming tip in the history of sports since Dennis Rodman said to himself: “You know what, I’m through with this black hair?” There’s no real concern in losing to the team that was a fumble away from winning the NFC Championship last year and I don’t know who’s great idea it was for Jay Cutler to trash talk the Packers’ secondary. Wishing the opposing secondary “good luck” is a jerk move, something that’s only acceptable for politicians or Simon Cowell. I read Cutler’s comments, and in context they weren’t that bad, but my first thought was “Dont throw rocks at the throne.”

PACKERS over Bears

Baltimore Ravens at

Philadelphia Eagles

So the franchise isn’t old enough to say your dad’s, but this isn’t your older brother’s Ravens. The team that won a Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer at quarterback is now a full fledged, passing team. There hasn’t been a complete paradigm shift like this since Mitt Romney on...well on just about everything. I’m not kidding, there’s an entire website dedicated to this: www.mittromneyflipflops.com

RAVENS over Eagles

Minnesota Vikings at

Indianapolis Colts

Do people in Minnesota know that this Adrian Peterson cyborg is ruining their chances at Matt Barkley one freakishly powerful run at a time.

I don’t know where he found the Super Mario “star” of invincibility, but it works. Unfortunately well enough to lead to years of mediocrity in the twin cities. Couldn’t be less concerned about Lucks three picks against the Bears. The coming out party is a week late, but expect it to be huge.

COLTS over Vikings

Arizona Cardinals at

New England Patriots

I think we’re socially conditioned to think that the Patriots can’t continue being the best team in the AFC, but they may be getting better. I’m completely okay with having a knee-jerk reaction to the Stevan Ridley week one performance and if he rushes for 1,200 yards, the Pats win the Super Bowl. This could be the best addition to an already great product since Subway added avocado to their Steak ‘n’ Cheese sub. On the other side the Cardinals have the worst quarterback controversy in the history of football. Does it really matter who plays?  

PATS over Cards

Kansas City Chiefs at

Buffalo Bills

I’m not sure if this is more about how good we expect the Chiefs to be eventually or how bad the Bills were in week one. Which was bad. Very Bad. It’s not enough that Mark Sanchez threw three touchdowns, but they let Shonn Greene run for 94 yards and a score. Shonn Greene is the Tyrus Thomas of football. I’ve drafted them both three too many times and it has yet to pay off.

CHIEFS over Bills

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

at New York Giants

The Giants, the defending Super Bowl champs are in a must win game. With that schedule they can’t afford to go 0-2 to start the season in the toughest division in football. Wait...that’s not true at all. Yes, they can. They’re the Giants. I’m so sick of Eli and Tom Coughlin completely lulling us to sleep, sneaking into the playoffs then winning the Super Bowl. We’re on to you. Josh Freeman can lose all the weight he wants but the Giants are winning this game. The Bucs looked ok against the panthers but struggled too much against a team they should’ve put away.

GIANTS over Bucs

Cleveland Browns at

Cincinnati Bengals

There’s one noteworthy storyline here...Will this be the game where AJ Green finally earns a nickname? The battle of Ohio has become less of a civil war and more of a hostile occupation. The Bengals secondary full of former first-round draft picks couldn’t keep up with Flaaco and the Ravens, but something tells me they fare a little better this week against Weeden and Mohammed Massaquoi.

BENGALS over Browns

Houston Texans at

Jacksonville Jaguars

The Texans will go through two consecutive weeks of being untested as everyone’s chic pick to come out of the AFC. It’ll take weeks before we get to figure out whether they’re the kind of trend that is here to stay and follows through or the kind that’s popular for about two days like the “Stop Kony” movement. Remember that?

TEXANS over Jags

New Orleans Saints at

Carolina Panthers

Cam Newton isn’t playing this game against the Saints, he’s playing against what RGIII did to the Saints in week one. Everyone’s wrong about RGIII being compared to Andrew Luck for the remainder of his career, the real battle is between Cam and RGIII for SuperBowl titles, records, GQ covers, endorsements, movie roles and cameo appearances on network TV shows. I was all prepared to jump on the Saints bandwagon with the new ruling in the Bounty case....only to hear that Jonathan Vilma was going to be placed on the PUP list anyway. It’s way too anti-climactic for me to believe in them.

PANTHERS over Saints

Oakland Raiders at

Miami Dolphins

If only these teams could combine to be one team of complete incompetence, we would have something entertaining to watch. Interceptions, false starts, encroachments, long snappers single-handedly losing the game, backs running into their own blockers, a receiver named “Bey” a receiver named “Bess”...it’s everything the Bahamian fan can want. The Raiders-Dolphins score could be 0-0 in the first every triple overtime 0 game with 18 interceptions. I’m so excited for this game.

DOLPHINS over Raiders

Dallas Cowboys at

Seattle Seahawks

Every Cowboy fan I know thinks last Wednesday was the beginning of 19-0 and trying to convince them of anything otherwise is futile. This is a must win game for the Seahawks - a team that was supposed to be a chic pick with a good defense and an exciting rookie quarterback...but they lost to Kevin Kolb who lost his job to someone named John Skelton, and had to wait for him to get injured to win it back.The Cowboys look like world beaters early so get ready for another week of annoying Cowboy fan banter. I’ve got to admit though, it’s good to have you back, haven’t seen you guys in a long, long, long time.

COWBOYS over

Seahawks

Washington Redskins at

St Louis Rams

The Redskins aren’t that good our eyes lied to us. This happens at least once per week. This is Sam Bradford’s opportunity to show he’s the class of this rising “soon to be elite” quarterback group. He has to outplay RGIII, but even if he does, it won’t be by enough to get the Rams the win.

REDSKINS over Rams

New York Jets at

Pittsburgh Steelers

Did no one else notice that the Steelers defense didn’t look the same? Did we see Polamalu looked a little hefty and the team is pretty banged up heading INTO the season or were we all in awe of Peyton? Meanwhile, “The Sanchise” is gettin pulled out of goaline packages and still scoring touchdowns, Shonn Greene looks relevant, and not to mention Stephen Hill, who I didn’t pick in my fantasy drafts because I was too busy ending my summer “the right way” to do fantasy football research. In the end, Big Ben looked too good on third down for me to go against the Steelers two weeks in a row.

STEELERS over Jets

Tennessee Titans at San Diego Chargers

Nobody had a least impressive win in week one than the Chargers and until Ryan Matthews gets healthy and is able to stay on the field it’ll be impossible to get a good read on this team. Four years from now I’ll still be the only person hanging on to the hope that Chris Johnson is just going through a slump as he continues to average 3.1 yards per carry. I’ve accepted this fate and I don’t like it anymore than you do.

TITANS over Chargers

Detroit Lions at San Francisco 49ers

The Lions just can’t defend...point blank. As much as we love Megatron and Matthew Stafford, this defense doesn’t go much deeper than its front four. The Niners on the other hand have Patrick Willis, which is like having three extra defenders on the field. Not much confidence in the Lions offense having to play against 14 people. I feel the same way watching Alex Smith finally put it all together like I did when Michael became the new Omar. If all else fails we have “The Handshake:Part Two.”

NINERS over Lions

Denver Broncos at Atlanta Falcons

There’s no getting around the bias I have for the Falcons. They’re my Madden team for ‘13, so I feel like there’s a personal relationship here. I fully expect for Mike Smith to call me the next time there’s a game-on-the-line 4th and one decision to make. A great man once said: “Finding your team in Madden is just like finding that special person. Same rules, process and bubbly feeling you get when it’s just right.”

FALCONS over Broncos

Sannie’s Picks:

PACKERS over Bears

“I’m kind of scared of Chicago and all this violence going on with the Chief Keef kids.”

RAVENS over Eagles

“They won for me last week so I’m sticking with again. I might have to wear purple nail polish.”

COLTS over Vikings

“I was looking up the quarterbacks, and it took way too long to find the Vikings guy. It took me about seven letters before Google auto-completed his name, so they can’t be good.”

PATS over Cards

“Both won for me last week, so I have to go with the cutest quarterback theory...and that’s Brady.”

BILLS over Chiefs

“Both lost for me last week, so I had to go with the cutest quarterback theory again. Thing is I didn’t like any of those guys so I went to wide recicver. Stevie Johnson from the Bills is cute, the tattoos got me.”

GIANTS over Bucs

“They lost last week but I still have faith in the shopping in New York.”

BROWNS over Bengals

“I’ll never go against Browns. Also, Bengals just sound like bangles and no one wears those anymore.”

JAGS over Texans

“I like the car, so the team should be ok.”

PANTHERS over Saints

“Cutest quarterback rule once again since both lost...we’ll go with Cam Newton.”

DOLPHINS over Raiders

“Two losers so I go to my rule for this week...Ryan Tanehill wins.”

COWBOYS over Seahawks

“Seattle is gloomy and it rains all the time, not a fan of that.”

RAMS over Redskins

“The Redskins guy is in way too many commercials and I don’t even think he’s cute.”

JETS over Steelers

“Two losers again but the Jets have TWO cute quarterbacks. and Tebow is a good Christian man so I know he doesn’t cheat.”

CHARGERS over Titans

“The first rental car I got when I was 25 was a Charger, been in love with them ever since.”

NINERS over Lions

“The Lions quarterback has a fat face, even though he’s in shape. I can’t get with that.”

FALCONS over Broncos

“Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. Two wins in a row.”

Fisher’s Picks:

BEARS over Packers

RAVENS over Eagles

COLTS over Vikings

PATS over Cards

BILLS over Chiefs

GIANTS over Bucs

BENGALS over Browns

TEXANS over Jags

SAINTS over Panthers

RAIDERS over Dolphins

COWBOYS over Seahawks

REDSKINS over Rams

STEELERS over Jets

CHARGERS over Titans

NINERS over Lions

FALCONS over Broncos