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Are you becoming bitter or better at managing your life

By MICHELLE M MILLER

We all want to believe that we are getting better at maximizing our potential, managing our lives and really becoming the people we were born to be. However, one too many bumps in the road leave many feeling bitter and resentful. Learning to manage yourself is not an easy task. Life is fluidity; it requires flexibility and adaptation.

Managing your life to ensure you are becoming better takes heart, rather than head. While life is a challenge, it is also an adventure. Not just any old adventure, it is your personal journey to self-actualisation. I encourage you to revisit Maslow Hierarchy of Needs to understand the pyramid of self-actualisation.

Let us focus on where you are now and how you determine whether you are becoming bitter or better. A great strategy is to get away from the noise, and quietly introspect. An honest self-assessment is the only way to know how you are doing in your life. Notice I said to self-assess, not self-condemn. Always treat yourself with love and respect. While there may be some unpleasant things you wish to change or improve do it with love. Otherwise, you become your own enemy.

Another good test is to examine the way you present yourself and show up in your life. I am not referring to the clothes you wear, but your attitude, the energy you exude and your humility.

Sometimes, the people wearing the most beautiful clothing are not always the nicest people. Similarly, those with less appealing apparel are often kinder, more authentic individuals.

Self-presentation is an interesting perspective to observe, especially at work.

Workplaces are complex environments, typically overflowing with mixed emotions. They make fascinating places to observe the way people present themselves. Their body language, tone of voice, handshake, and facial expressions are all clear indicators of who is getting better or becoming bitter.

Understand that some people have been doing one job function all of their adult-life with no real improvement. No doubt, this is ample reason to feel a little frustrated. On top of this, Thomas Herold says, “most people work in places they don’t like to buy stuff they don’t need”. If we accept this premise, then there are a lot more people at work, gradually becoming bitter rather than better. The question you must ask yourself, is how do you rise above this propensity, if you feel stuck in a place you really do not want to be?

This is a major hurdle, but there is hope. Remember, the goal is to get better than you were, not necessarily better than anyone else. One strong motivation is to recognise the negative damage that bitterness can do to your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Statistics show that more than 70% of people in our society are overweight and at health risk. It is odd how many are quick to manage their money and their careers but leave their bodies and minds unmanaged.

A healthy body begins with a healthy mind. You cannot be healthy or happy if you are living from a bitter disposition. Bitterness breeds more bitterness in the form of illness.


Forgiving, letting go of the past and releasing tightly guarded bitter feelings is a gift you give to yourself. You cannot change the past but you can create your future. Key to creating a better future is building your mental and emotional capacity to improve yourself before trying to improve your life.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with what happens. I sincerely believe this to be true. Every challenge, struggle and obstacle that I have experienced, although difficult, was an incredible opportunity for me to get better. The same is true for you if you believe in you own power.

Be a good student and life is a remarkably patient teacher. It offers chance after chance to expand our thinking and change our perception. The bottom line is we show up in life according to how we really feel and we alone determine our feelings. It seems so easy for some to get intensely angry over what seems like a small thing. Anger however, will not solve the problem; it tends to make matters worse. Reckless anger leads to aggression, and aggression leads to physical violence.

According to Dr Paul Ekman, a renowned psychologist, anger is one of seven emotions. While anger in and of itself is not a bad thing, it must be properly managed and directed. Unfettered anger is like a loaded gun going off at random, causing irreparable damage.

The truth is your anger is not the issue. It is the reason why you are angry that you must address. Ultimately, taking the lead in managing your life is about getting better. To get better you must be better. Bear in mind that it is never what happens, but the way you respond to it that matters most.

I believe the way you respond to life, ignites how life responds to you. You are the driver, you turn the key, and you select the lane. You can choose to stay in the bitter lane or you can transition into the lane to get better. In doing the latter, you move towards hope, health and happiness. The choice is yours.

Make today the day that you take the lead in how you manage your life.

Now is the perfect time to shift your life paradigm.

What do you think?

Please send your comments to coaching242@yahoo.com or 429-6770. Michelle M. Miller is a certified Life-Coach, Leadership Expert, and Author of Take The Lead. She is the CEO of TTL Coaching Strategies and founder of the Girls Leadership Coaching Club.

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