The Tribune

By MICHELLE MILLER

The majority of people reading this question will automatically look outward for answers, rather than inward. Having bought into the popular delusion that someone else is more responsible for meeting their needs than they are, they will assess the degree to which others are meeting their needs, opposed to how they are meeting their own needs.

The key emphasis in this question is on – ‘Your Needs’ – if they are in fact your needs, then it seems reasonable to suggest that you are responsible for ensuring your needs are being met. On the surface, this sounds simple, but when we get right down to it, there is an even greater challenge. Most people simple do not know what they need. Being so unaware of what their needs are, they are unable to determine whether they are being met.

This is not such an oddity considering that we live as Madonna says, in a “material world’. In the grand scheme of things, that song may have been somewhat ahead of its time, because now more than then, people, especially women are most definitely living in a material world.

Overly infatuated by the many things they anxiously yearn to possess, most have no clue as to the specifics of their needs. If you do not know what your needs are, how can you determine if they are being met?

So what are your needs and how are you meeting those needs? What about what others may need from you?

I know the last question may throw many for a loop however; it may be one to consider first. Why? Because as you begin to see what it is that you need to give or provide for others, you may better realize how equipped or ill equipped you are to fulfil such needs. Particularly, if you are not fulfilling your own needs. Because you cannot give what you do not possess.

This is especially true in relationships between a husband and wife, parent and children, sibling, colleague, as well as friends. How can you meet the needs of others, when you do not know how to meet your own needs?

From this vantage point, many unknowingly live a broken life, disconnected from themselves. Yet in the silence, life is constantly whispering the need to go within, to discover who we really are and to unravel our unlimited potential.

Understand that humans we are emotional first, rational second. Thus, both women and men have the same physiological, psychological and emotional needs.

In his 1943 paper “A Theory in Human Motivation”, Abraham Maslow proposed Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs in the form of a pyramid. These needs begin at the base of the pyramid with first, our physiological needs; second, our need for safety and security; third, our need for love and belonging; and the fourth, the need for self-actualization.

Where are you in this pyramid of needs? Blinded by the glitz and glamour of things, people are more motivated to chase after the Hollywood wants than meeting their life needs.

Here’s a lesson I learnt from my father when I was in kindergarten. He overheard me telling my mother I didn’t want what was fixed for breakfast but wanted something else instead. My father said to me, “children don’t get what they want, they get what they need. When you start wanting you need to know how to work.”

I was only five years old and his words became a tattoo in my memory. His point was simple but profound. He wanted me to understand the need to be grateful for what we had instead of looking for something else; secondly and most importantly, he wanted me to know that things, such as the food we had, didn’t just appear out of nowhere. It required a process (work) to make it happen.

Knowing the difference between my needs and wants was one of the most powerful lessons my father taught me. Today, it is a guiding principle by which I live my life. What about you – do you know the difference between your wants and your needs and which thirst are you motivated to quench.

Regrettably, the lines between our wants and needs are often blurred. More than not, people anxiously seek to quench the unquenchable thirst of their wants and ignore their needs. Without clarity on what is really important, the aim to quench your wants is a labour in futility. You will never stop wanting or yearning. It is the human way – we are ever evolving beings.

I am not suggesting that you disregard your wants/desires. However, you must know where your power lies. It lies not in your wants but in you. Too often, people are so out to prove they can get the things they tend to lose control. An old adage says ‘ordinary men desire control – enlightened men control desire.’

You have the power to live from an enlightened perspective. Learn to meet your needs while working diligently to satisfy some of your wants. Make certain that those wants have meaning and purpose. Don’t do it just because its popular. Remember, when popularity takes priority, principles tend to perish.

As you, contemplate today’s question, make today the day that you take the lead to unravel your identity and define your needs. This is the only way to ensure your needs are being met.

Now is the perfect time to shift your life paradigm.

• Your feedback has great value; please write to coaching242@yahoo.com or text 429-6770. Michelle M. Miller is a certified Life-Coach, Leadership Expert, and Host of the Radio program – Men & The e-Factor. www.taketheleadbook.com