The Tribune

By Michelle Miller

THE number reason why many develop the habit of self-defeating behaviours, also known as self-sabotage, is a lack of self-acceptance.
The truth is it’s difficult to support a self that you don’t love and or accept. By learning to accept yourself, you cease to betray yourself by giving in to self-defeating behaviours.

Self-acceptance is a rich ingredient. I would say one of the richest elements of a healthy self-concept. The trouble is most of us are not taught much about the self; such as self-awareness, self-esteem, self-discipline, self-confidence, self-love, self-respect, self-validation and or self-acceptance.

Instead of teaching us how to love and respect ourselves as priority one, we are taught how to depend on the love and respect of others.

What is odd here is that this dependence on other’s love and respect can’t really satisfy our thirst for our own self-love. Imagine trying to love, respect and or accept others, when you haven’t done it for yourself? It’s a labour in futility.

It is this drive for external acceptance that lead many down the path of self-sabotage. Again, you cannot support a self that you haven’t taken time to know. As such, you knowingly or unknowingly continue to engage in self-defeating habits.

Self-sabotage is a major vice for many. And while there’s no one-size fits all solution, any improved change begins with a change in your mindset. You must expand your self-perception; rearranging your thinking to support your own best interest; believing that your life is worth it.

Self-sabotage is essentially defined as when one’s behaviour creates a problem or becomes a barrier that interferes with one’s goals or best intentions. They include double mindedness, procrastination, overeating and or over consumption of drugs and alcohol.

You sabotage yourself when you do something that stops you from achieving a desired outcome.

Look at Jill’s situation for example, she goes on diet seemingly every quarter or so. Although she sets a goal to lose weight, somewhere along the way she quits. Mind you, Jill starts out enthusiastic and with a bang, but soon enough she finds herself ‘snacking’ on some sweet treat that derails her intended weight loss goal.

Jill has been struggling with weight issues for years and really wants to lose the weight, but seem to defeat herself every time.

What Jill doesn’t realise is that her sabotaging behaviour doesn’t just wreck her weight loss goals, but also it depletes her confidence and self-acceptance.

While doing anything new or different brings its share of fear and anxiety, you must be willing to keep going.

Finding a motivating reason for doing it is the key to following through. Whether it’s to lose weight, save money, stop ‘drinking’, open a business or go back to school. Without a strong motive, it’s difficult to take consistent action. Be courageous, be fearless and get on with building a life worth celebrating. Remember, you are not alone. Life supports you and is always pushing you towards something better.

I, too, have walked the long, rocky road of uncertainty, self-doubt and self-sabotage in trying to achieve something new. But somewhere along the way, I learned to love myself enough to get out of my own way. By getting inside my life and validating my own power, I found the courage to move fearlessly towards my desires. I learned to build a better me. You must be willing to do the same. To defeat self-sabotage takes courage, commitment and a supportive plan of action. Consider getting a life coach to strengthen your efforts and to hold you accountable. You don’t have to go it alone.

Leader to leader, make today the day that you learn to accept and support rather than sabotage yourself. This will build your confidence live the life that you love.
What do you think? Please send your comments to coaching242@yahoo.com or call 429-6770.