The Tribune

Week 6 results and season stats: Renaldo: 8-6-1 (53-36-1, .589) , Sannie: 7-7-1 (45-44-1, .500)

WEEK 6 AWARDS

The “I Know I Messed Up, But At Some Point You Guys Are Gonna Have To Talk To Me Again. You’re My Teammates!” Award, presented by Renward Wells  - Mike Nugent. In a back and forth game, maybe the best game of the weekend, Andy Dalton drove the Bengals down the field, setting it up perfectly for Nugent to win the game with a chip shot field goal as time expired in overtime, only he missed, and the game ended in a tie. You’re a kicker. You have one job.

The “Misappropriation of Brains” Award, presented by everyone involved in this forensic audit of the Public Hospital Authority scandal, which revealed unaccounted for pharmaceuticals worth $10m - The entire Dolphins coaching staff. Anytime you get an opportunity to call a defensive timeout - even though you just sacked the quarterback on third down, you’re up by three with just over a minute left to play and the other team has no timeouts - you’ve got to do it. Apparently.

The “They’re Good, this is Actually Happening and We’re Just Going To  Have To Deal With It” Award, presented by LBT’s FNM leadership bid - The Dallas Cowboys. There’s no more avoiding it. The world’s most annoying fan base is back. God, help us all.

New England Patriots at New York Jets

Now that we’ve got that one watchable Thursday night game out of the way, let’s get back to our regularly scheduled blowout-laden programming. There were two weeks of media fervour surrounding the premature demise of the Pats dynasty. I enjoyed it, but now it’s over. It took Peyton Manning a half for him to figure out he was playing the Jets and reel off 21 straight points. It won’t take Brady that long.

PATS over Jets

SANNIE: Tom Brady’s wife and ex-wife get along well and actually hang out together. He obviously knows the secret to happiness.

PATS over Jets

Minnesota Vikings at Buffalo Bills

The Kyle Orton stop-gap has outlived it’s usefulness. So has Adrian Peterson’s legal team. At this point, Teddy Bridgewater may testify as a character witness himself. Anything to free AP at this point. By the way, even if he goes to prison, I have no idea how they keep him there. If you saw that 64-yard touchdown run against the Browns in 2009, you understand.

VIKINGS over Bills

SANNIE: Did Adrian Peterson really go to court and admit he smokes weed? WOW. Bills it is.

BILLS OVER Vikings

Miami Dolphins at Chicago Bears

Ha! Good job Miami, you almost lulled me back into believing in you…but I will not be moved. By the way, the final two series against the Packers on both sides of the ball last week had to be the most Dolphinesque series of events of all time. So one week after being owned by Aaron Rodgers, Jordy Nelson and some tight end who isn’t Jermichael Finley, the Dolphins defence goes up against Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey. Should be interesting. Also, now that Knowshon Moreno is gone for the year, isn’t this just the same Dolphins team from last year?

BEARS over Dolphins

SANNIE: Lets go Bears! We can not give Renaldo a reason to smile.

BEARS over Dolphins

New Orleans Saints at Detroit Lions

Calvin Johnson told Lions beat reporters yesterday that he won’t return to the field until he “feel’s great.” Following the news, Matthew Stafford was reported to be feeling not so great. We all have a disproportionate trust in Drew Brees to turn things around in New Orleans, but we may be in the middle of his decline and completely ignoring it (I said this just so he would throw for 400 yards and four touchdowns, watch me work).

SAINTS over Lions

SANNIE: Jimmy Graham’s hair is so cute. I love a natural red head.

LIONS over Saints

Carolina Panthers at Green Bay Packers

I know Cam Newton does the Superman celebration, we all think it’s cool, but the Panthers aren’t going to be able to rely on Cam to throw for 284 yards and rush for another 107 every week. Maybe not every week, but against a “not so stout” Packers defence, the Panthers can count on Newton to be dynamic this weekend and they’ll need him to be. The defence no longer carries them to wins.

PANTHERS over Packers

SANNIE: I’m sorry, every time I see Clay Matthews I think of SAMCRO and Sons of Anarchy. I love it.

PACKERS over Panthers

Cincinnati Bengals at Indianapolis Colts

Critics (just me) have dubbed this the “On The Cusp” Bowl, but these two teams might be going in opposite directions. Since the Colts started the season 0-2, the Colts have reeled off four straight wins and Andrew Luck has looked like the best quarterback in the league not named Manning. The Bengals meanwhile, after being appointed early AFC contenders, haven’t won in two weeks and the health of AJ Green is still up in the air.

COLTS over Bengals

SANNIE: Did Vontaze Burfict really get fined for twisting ankles? That’s a thing? Wow.

BENGALS over Colts

Seattle Seahawks at St Louis Rams

I’m pretty disappointed the Seahawks looked so human against the Cowboys last week. What the NFL needed was a villain on the field. I mean Roger Goodell is a real-life Darth Vader, Hannibal Lecter type of villain, but they needed that dominant impenetrable team on the field. They seemed to lose their identity last week, went away from the run and now even the Legion of Boom is getting injury plagued. What a villain needs in a time like this is an easy victim.

SEAHAWKS over Rams

SANNIE: Hi Russell Wilson. :)

SEAHAWKS over Rams

Tennessee Titans at Washington No Nicknames

We’re pretty much done with the Kirk Cousins thing right? If you’re not, consider the fact that the front office is considering benching Cousins in favour of Colt McCoy. Yes, that Colt McCoy. Washington fans have one thing to look forward to this year - RGIII returned to practice this week and head coach Jay Gruden said he had “a little bounce to his step.” That good feeling shouldn’t last too long though, Daniel Snyder is still the owner.

TITANS over Redskins

SANNIE: DeSean Jackson dated Ashanti, way to go him.

WASHINGTON over Titans

Cleveland Browns at Jacksonville Jaguars

I like this new Brian Hoyer. Not only has he said he wants to bring LeBron back to Cleveland (again…as a Browns fan), but he’s also made it known that he’s not signing a long term deal with the Browns as long as he has Johnny Manziel waiting in the wings. This isn’t your dad’s Brian Hoyer. This isn’t even last year’s Brian Hoyer. This guy leads the AFC North and is one of the most clutch quarterbacks in the NFL this year. No, seriously.

BROWNS over Jags

SANNIE: Sannie Brown. Cleveland Browns. It still fits.

BROWNS over Jags

Atlanta Falcons at Baltimore Ravens

If I pick the Ravens three times in a row, I’m fully confident I’ll get at least one right. Also, the list of people that have given up on the Atlanta Falcons has grown to EVERY SINGLE FALCONS FAN. Three straight double digit losses for the Falcons and they head into a matchup against a Ravens team that just scored 48 points. Falcons owner Arthur Blank said he was screaming inside after the double-digit losses the last few weeks. Who know’s what he’ll do this week, but the Hawks have already become the city’s favourite team by default.

RAVENS over Falcons

SANNIE: Ravens are much more aggressive birds, hopefully it translates into football.

RAVENS over Falcons

Kansas City Chiefs at San Diego Chargers

Here’s how you know the football god’s are cruel to south Florida. The Chargers draft a gem in Darren Sproles and he becomes one of the most versatile and explosive players in the league during his tenure with the team. He leaves in free agency and three years later the Chargers draft a clone in Brandon Oliver. The Dolphins get Knowshon Moreno and he’s incredible…for one game. Then it’s straight to the IR and out of Miami.

CHARGERS over Chiefs

SANNIE: Has Manti Te’o found a real girlfriend yet? If not. I know someone who is interested. Not me…but someone.”

CHARGERS over Chiefs

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys

There should be no one more pissed off at Cowboy’s backup running back Joseph Randle than DeMarco Murray. Right when the Cowboys are at their apex, beating the Super Bowl champs at home, and the groundswell of support growing for Murray to get some rest and slow down his pace of 1,000 carries for the season - his backup gets arrested. At first glance it seems like a negative, but hear me out. The last time the Cowboys had a quarterback to manage the game, a dynamic wideout, the league’s leading rusher and got in trouble off the field…we had the foundation of a dynasty.

COWBOYS over Giants

SANNIE: Three people (one now dead) have Ebola in Dallas. The end.

GIANTS over Cowboys

Arizona Cardinals at Oakland Raiders

Clearly one of the most baffling stories of the season, NFC West leading Arizona. I can’t think of one single thing that has been more surprising or impressive than these Cards. Either Bruce Arians is a severely under-rated coach, Carson Palmer has more left in the tank than we thought or the rest of the division was just over-rated. One thing is for certain, there is going to be a made-for-TV Disney movie about this whole thing. Something weird is going on in the desert and we may not know exactly what it is until Michael Bay finishes the screenplay. By the way, I would cast Dennis Quad as a mercurial Carson Palmer and Waka Flocka Flame as an injured Darnell Dockett backing his team from the sidelines.

CARDS over Raiders

SANNIE: A part of me wants to pick the Raiders for Eddie because he just had surgery, however a bigger part of me wants to beat Renaldo in this game. Sorry Eddie. Get well soon.

CARDS over Raiders

San Francisco 49ers at Denver Broncos

Peyton Manning vs Patrick Willis. Bold Prediction: Manning will go to the line and make six audibles in 20 seconds. In an effort to match his cunning, Willis changes the defence six times, which turns out to be five times too many, just as Manning planned. Julius Thomas comes up wide open for a touchdown and the Colts rinse, lather and repeat for seven scores.

BRONCOS over Niners

SANNIE: I desperately want to go to San Fran, so I guess choosing the team will have to do, for now. And Colin Kaepernick found a way to avoid the NFL’s $10,000 fine for wearing non-Bose headphones by putting athletic tape over the logo. Genius!

NINERS over Broncos

Houston Texans at Pittsburgh Steelers

JJ Watt is one of only four players in NFL history with a a receiving touchdown, interception return for a touchdown and fumble return for a touchdown in the same season. Which begs the question...would it hurt them to at least try him out at quarterback? Can it be any worse than Ryan Fitzpatrick right now?

TEXANS over Steelers

SANNIE: Why does ‘Big Ben’ always look so mean? I wouldn’t want to go against him.

STEELERS over Texans