The Tribune

By JEFFARAH GIBSON

Tribune Features Writer

jgibson@tribunemedia.net

LOOKING for a “better half” consumes a large chunk of many a single person’s time. Many find themselves jumping in and out of relationships, forever on a quest to find a sense of identity and true love, only to be left disappointed once again.

What many of those singles fail to recognise, however, is that seeking “half of a man” or “half of a woman” is never a wise move.

Instead, becoming a whole person first and then sharing an intimate part of one’s life with another whole individual is the best formula for forming better relationships.

This was the advice that American author and speaker Ty Adams left singles to ponder before closing out the Bahamas Faith Ministries’ Singles Summit 2014 over the weekend.

The Singles Summit provided young Bahamians with information that could help reshape their focus while maximising the potential of their lives as single people. The event aimed at empowering singles to reach higher heights in their personal lives.

In an interview with Tribune Woman, Ms Adams, a relationship expert and bestselling author, said that she was excited to help single Bahamians direct their focus and see themselves as whole people, separate from a relationship.

“Tragically, a lot of singles will look to another person to make them whole and complete, and that is virtually impossible for a person to do that. There is a line that came from the famous movie ‘Jerry Maguire’ that says, ‘You complete me’, and it is impossible for a person to do that. The only person that can complete anyone is God, and you are complete in Christ. Until you come to Christ fully, you will go from relationship to relationship and find a void because that person cannot adequately give you what it is that you need,” she said.

Over the course of her career, Ms Adams has come into contact with many single and married individuals of all races, age groups and backgrounds.

Something that many of those people have in common, she said, is the belief that a relationship is their ticket to long-lasting happiness and bliss.

“I even see that with married couples. They think, ‘Once I get married my life would be different or I would be more happy’. But I promise you, if you do not bring happy to the marriage, you will be unhappy, because a person cannot produce that or give that for you. In fact, a marriage can only be its best when the two people are whole. So it is an exchange of two whole people. When we are consistently in broken relationships, while we are single then we do not have that opportunity to be able to become who we need to be for a loving, long-standing relationship, something that will sustain itself and be viable. It is tragic when we think that somebody else has a responsibility to make us happy, because you end up being a crutch in the relationship. If we believe that somebody else has to be the physician in the relationship, then that relationship is going to always be bleeding from the seams,” she said.

Ms Adams, who is the author of several popular self-help books including “Saved, Single and Having Sex”, found herself struggling early on with being a whole, single person, even after becoming a Christian. She said she had a constant need to be validated by a man all of the time.

“There was point in my life where I had to be in a relationship. If I was not in a relationship or with someone, I did not feel whole, I did not feel right and did not feel loved. As a woman if I did not have a man to validate who was I did not feel right. I had the most peace that I have ever had in my life when I made the decision to allow God to make me whole, separate from a man. And that was a hard place. I had to get to the place where if God never sent me a husband I would be OK with him alone. And that is a tragic place when a single person cannot say God is enough,” she said.

“I believe there are so many singles who live their lives in despair and constantly live in a roller coaster, and I am probably a product of my own messages, because I lived this for years. I was broken as a single woman. I loved what the Bible says about the Prodigal Son when he left his father and he was out spending all of his legacy and money on sex and prostitution, but I love this line and it just always compels me, and it says: ‘He came to himself’ after trashing his life up. I believe when we come to the end of ourselves and really look at the state of our lives and say that my life is wreck without God (that things get better).”

Ms Adams, CEO and founder of Heaven Enterprises and Girls Gone God.com, is a sex and relationship expert, producer, bestselling author, television host and life coach. She is a voice of counsel worldwide through her celebrated web-based column, “Ask Dr Ty”. After being both nominated for Broadcast of the Year and receiving more than 100,000 hits during the premiere month of her daily radio programme, she began preparing for the launch of her television show, “Ty TV”.