The Tribune

By MICHELLE MILLER

DO you ever find yourself so burdened by fear that every time you take three steps forward you seem to take ten steps backwards? This is especially true when you are about to do something big or step outside of your norm.

Yet despite the frustration, the notion of starting and stopping has become a common habit for many. What most often miss is that there is a huge difference between getting stuck and staying stuck.

Let’s face it, the best of people doing the greatest of things often get stuck on their road to greatness. However, the actively thinking and fully engaged individuals understand the need to shift their personal paradigm, rethink their game plan and keep on trucking. They know how to take focused action.

On the other hand, if you took closer look at those who seem to stay stuck, you will realise that it amounts to self-sabotage. Not only are they stuck, but seem to like the idea of not having to take any risk. From their vantage point, the idea of nothing ventured, nothing gained is only an idea. As time passes by, they begin to shelve their dreams, goals and eventually park their lives in that popular community known as the comfort zone.

Unfortunately, this comfort zone isn’t all that comfortable, because it is only an illusion.

While it may help you to put up a nice facade, bit by bit you slowly lose pieces of yourself. Like many others, you too can live “fronting”, but eventually it erodes your sense of identity, reduces self-esteem and builds a small self-perception.

You see, only you live inside your life. You know the truth. Try as you may, you cannot run away from yourself; wherever you go, there you are.

Here is what I have come to know for sure, our true self will not be denied or ignored forever. At some point you must pay the piper. Find the courage to face your fears, address your issues in order to empower your life.

Taking up residence in Stuck Valley aka The Comfort Zone is a non-productive strategy that inevitably leads to self-destructive behaviours and eventual mental, substance or emotional abuse.

Your inner dialogue is like food for your soul, which needs uplifting, inspiring and empowering words. Thinking the worst things about yourself sabotages your best efforts.

Getting beyond self-sabotage takes a rewiring of your mental state one word at a time. Take time to develop positive thinking and self-validation. This demands willingness to shift your personal paradigm. Resist the tendency to undermine your efforts and instead focus on actively supporting yourself.

The bottom line is staying stuck is not an empowering choice. Life is about consistently moving forward towards what matters. There’s so much time wasted on things that really don’t matter. Getting beyond sabotage is also about using your energy effectively. Stop wasting your valuable time on other people stuff. Focus instead on your own stuff. Fix your own life before seeking to fix the lives of those around you.

Sabotage is also driven by fear; many fear success as much as they fear failure. Fear, however, is only an illusion. It has no power over you without your permission. You are the power source of your life. At anytime you can choose to take your power back; being more self-supportive means accepting full authority over your life.

If, for whatever reason, you find yourself stuck, do not panic. Calmly choose to see the situation in a different light and take a new action.

Leader to leader, you cannot succeed if you are sabotaging yourself. Remember, you are born empowered to excel. You can get beyond self-sabotage by focusing on what matters most. Make today the day that you begin to build a more self-supportive framework. It’s the key to living the life you love.

What do you think?

• Michelle M Miller is a certified life coach, communication and leadership expert. Questions or comments can be sent to via email coaching242@yahoo.com, you can call telephone number 429-6770 or visit www.michellemmiller.com or send snail mail to PO Box CB-13060.