The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ zenicazelaya

I must admit as I looked back at all that transpired politically and socially this past week I had a “deja-vu” experience.

Our present administration is eerily similar to the George W Bush years, when the comedic material practically wrote itself.

Here’s what caught my eye:

A B C, 1 2 3 = national exam results D and E?

I was shocked and awed as I read the national BGCSE exam results: E in Mathematics and D+ in English!

Honestly, I don’t think we could have done worse if we tried.

Seriously, there are children studying English as a foreign language in China right now saying, “you guys really suck!” Not to mention the irony of a population obsessed with “playing numbers” unable to count past ten, apparently.

The national results was further proof of erosion in our education system and it seems academically we are in a shambles and declining.

Our Minister of Education and Marathon MP Jerome Fitzgerald, a fellow St Andrew’s alumni (and my former prefect), is someone many of us admired growing up; he garnered many “cool” points in various circles throughout our peer group (upper crust, middle class and street) all due to his intellect, candour and likeability. In short, “Jerome could hang”.

So I almost feel duty bound to assist my friend and Minister of Education in this situation in regard to his remarks concerning this matter.

When Mr Fitzgerald commented that he was “encouraged” by this year’s exam results I’m sure he really meant he was “discouraged” and shocked to high heavens. What the heck are these little monsters doing in school all day anyway?

Considering Jerome’s academic prowess and vision (which have allowed him to achieve success on the social, business and political scenes in the Bahamas) there is no way he is “encouraged”.

Minister Fitzgerald is probably wishing that instead of dancing and shuffling his feet every chance he gets, Prime Minister Perry Christie will shuffle his Cabinet and give him a ministry with a better upside – like National Security or something.

Mr Fitzgerald has to know that improving from a E+ to a D grade in a particular subject is not monumental, it’s minimal.

How long are we going to keep producing “educated fools”? It’s these same certificate of attendance, E, F, U and P grade earning underachievers that will be responsible for our welfare should we reach octogenarian status.

God help us all.

The ‘all for me’ babies are all grown up

This past week, the Bahamian electorate have been rudely reminded that many members of the current Christie administration are direct descendants (and heirs) of the “all for me, baby” Pindling years.

Remember those years? Those were the days when nepotism, cronyism and favouritism ruled. The days of “gimme me”, a phrase which is often attributed to the late Sir Clement Maynard.

That his daughter, Attorney General Allyson Maynard Gibson, is now under fire for an alleged conflict of interest comes as a shock only to the wilfully blind, deaf and dumb. And even they are calling on Prime Minister Christie to fire Mrs Gibson.

But have you noticed our current Cabinet? It’s the who’s who of “who’s your daddy?” with many Bahamians recognising the names of the sires of these spawns just as easily as they do the Cabinet members themselves.

To make matters worse, certain members of Cabinet seem as if they are offended that the Bahamian public does not want to subscribe to the “all buck-up goes” system of governance they seem to want to ram down our throats.

As I have said before, I particularly like Mrs Maynard Gibson, but there is no escaping the fact that in light of recent revelations (namely, practically every member of her entire nuclear family is somehow commercially involved with Baha Mar) she is the wrong person to negotiate (supposedly) on behalf of the Bahamian people.

And the Prime Minister is wrong to remain silent on this issue.

Is there no one else in our bloated Cabinet filled with lawyers qualified to represent the interests of the Bahamian government? What are we paying the rest of these so-called “ministers” for?

Surely no one else in the current Christie Cabinet has a wife, husband, mother, father, granny, grandpa, uncle, auntie, brother, sister or child with commercial interests in Baha Mar, right? Right??

Because if they do, if there are others in our current Cabinet in a similar predicament, in the figurative words of Shakespeare’s Mark Antony, “cry ‘havoc’, and let slip the dogs of war!”

The fact of the matter is that her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition, the Free National Movement, through various agents, spokespersons and its leader, Dr Hubert Minnis, have intimated their belief that Attorney General Maynard Gibson is conflicted. So has the Democratic National Alliance. And many, many Bahamians are in agreement.

Though the Progressive Liberal Party has spent the week trying (and failing) to debate the assertion of a conflict, there is no debating that Attorney General Maynard Gibson has failed to secure an agreement between Baha Mar, China Construction America and China EXIM Bank - and that only adds fuel to the fire. She’s been hit all over the park her last two outings: time to call the bullpen and bring in a relief pitcher.

The new radio rock stars?

Every politician worth his (or her) salt loves nothing more than free radio airtime to (self) promote their interests.

Over the past few weeks we’ve been treated to many prominent politicians and public figures taking time out of their “busy” schedules to address us common folk.

Except that’s not exactly what is happening.

A few weeks back, I was delighted to hear that our Prime Minister was doing an interview with (my mentor) Ed Fields on Kiss FM. But I must admit I was somewhat disappointed that Mr Christie was apparently too busy to travel the few miles to Shirley Street from his office, and instead the interview had to be pre-recorded to fit his schedule.

Likewise, when Jeff Lloyd interviewed Sarkis Izmirlian, that too was pre-recorded. And when he subsequently secured an interview with Minister of Foreign Affairs Fred Mitchell, the minister’s schedule (and, in my humble opinion, “ego”) dictated that interview was also pre-recorded.

As interesting as it was to listen to Mr Mitchell go from having a big mouth about investors posing an “existential” threat to being reduced to a mere whisper when responding to questions about why he failed to speak up when Haitian Prime Minister Michel Martelly and Lyford Cay resident Peter Nygard made statements that could have been considered threatening to our “sovereignity”, I still walked away from that broadcast disappointed.

When did politicians and public figures become the Jay-Zs and Kanyes of this generation ... too busy to answer questions from the actual public that pays their salaries?

Believe me, I understand their reluctance to field questions from the voting populace: there are some mad, mad voters out there.

But that’s no excuse for acting like you’re Angelina Jolie or something.

The Minister for State in the Ministry of Legal Affairs, Damien Gomez, proclaimed that he was not answering any questions about Baha Mar when he was a guest on Hard Copy with Steve McKinney. Never mind that he sounded like he was 90 years old instead of a youthful 50-something: what on God’s green earth did he think he was there for?

Recently, my former learned colleague, the esteemed Ortland H Bodie Jr of Real Talk Live, managed to hold the line when interviewing Attorney General Allyson Maynard Gibson, who actually showed up in the studio to give her two cents. In that interview she revealed her daughters had a commercial interest in Baha Mar.

But a few days later, outside the confines of a studio, microphones and an interrogator, she casually (and cantankerously) revealed it was her husband who held leases with Baha Mar Ltd.

Note to our politicians: you are not above answering questions from your fellow Bahamians and, whenever you do, it should be all about full disclosure.

Who do you think you are, Marshawn Lynch at the Super Bowl or something?

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ on KISS FM 96.1 from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net