The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

THE American essayist Charles Dudley Warner once said “Politics makes strange bedfellows” and, based on events this past week, we can thank our politically promiscuous lawmakers for truly bringing this quote to life.

Oh, what a cornucopia of cross-party couplings and catty comebacks have emerged. Let us begin.

It’s raining cats and dogs

First off, let me just say that based on revelations since its Chapter 11 filing, Baha Mar continues to be the gift that keeps on giving.

Thanks to the Baha Mar scandal, so far we’ve learned that Cabinet ministers can say whatever random musings come to mind.

We’ve learned that 80-year-olds with major state secrets and a minor understanding of how email works are a dangerous combination.

We’ve also learned that when you yell “conflict” in a pack of politicians, for some reason, everyone starts barking.

This week PLP MP Leslie Miller (affectionately known as The Potcake) bayed loudly as he defended FNM Leader Dr Hubert Minnis against claims of conflict of interest.

Then, former PLP Chairman Raynard Rigby also howled while dismissing the conflict claims against Dr Minnis as “political nonsense” and “erroneous”.

In response, current PLP Chairman Bradley Roberts – who has single-handedly turned the question of conflict into an all-out WWE cage match - responded that if he had to choose between Raynard Rigby and a cat, Puss in Boots was in and the crab was out.

Next up was current Minister of Tourism Obediah Wilchcombe, who floated the idea that liquidation was probably the wrong path for the government to travel to get to a speedy and fruitful resolution with Baha Mar, to which Bahamians responded in unison “Duh!”

I would say that in light of the verbal “runs” others in the Christie Cabinet have had lately (topped with reminders of collective responsibility) there is no way Mr Wilchcombe came to broadcast this conclusion without approval from above – but that would be pure conjecture.

Still, who was quick to back up Mr Wilchcombe’s stance? Our former deputy prime minister and senior FNM, Brent Symonette.

Strange indeed.

What do we do with a problem like Damian?

Last week, State Minister for Legal Affairs Damian Gomez’s stock was soaring. He was all over the news, talking about cleaning up corruption in government and actually sounded like he meant business this time.

But then came Black Monday, and news that Mr Gomez intended to make the FNM leadership his first and (more disturbingly) only targets, and almost immediately his stock started dropping faster than the Shanghai Composite.

Didn’t you hear it?

There was a collective “suck teeth” amongst the masses, who mentally parted ways with Gomez and relegated him back to the abyss of obscurity.

There was a moment of hesitation before Damian was dismissed, with many asking, “Are you gonna prosecute anyone in your own party? Did you investigate the conflicts there?”

Notwithstanding his boss, Attorney General Allyson Maynard-Gibson, having presently been accused of being conflicted by many, once Minister Gomez said that he found no evidence of conflict in the PLP party, social media went to work shredding his name like it was Shur-fine cheddar cheese.

It seems with Minister Gomez, at first the juice was worth the squeeze. But with every subsequent press statement since Monday, it has become clear the “old” Damian Gomez is back, squandering any goodwill he stockpiled last week and sadly downing a lot of Bahamian spirits in the process.

The verbal sparring between Gomez and Long Island MP Loretta Butler Turner has produced more accusations of conflicts, rumblings of politicians being “punch-drunk with power” and threats of lawsuits.

Still, Mr Gomez is a clever man, who also remarked this week that politics is adversarial (wink, wink).

It makes me wonder whether there is someone senior in the PLP Mr Gomez may not mind seeing investigated or exposed. It would seem that if one is willing to go after the top dogs in the FNM, perhaps one is hoping the FNM returns the favour.

Nevertheless, I have a feeling that soon we will see a politician we can credit for craftiness as well as courage.

In the meantime, in the words of that immortal Journey song, “don’t stop believin’”.

Music to our ears

Speaking of songs, this week our PM got his “knickers in a knot” over a brilliant new song called “Jokey Leaders” by our very own legendary Bahamian musician and entertainer, Kirkland “KB” Bodie (yes, Ortland H Bodie Jr’s youngest brother).

Prime Minister Christie specifically targeted the song and artist for criticism, as if the song is what is wrong in society these days.

Yep, you heard right. Our beloved PM found time amidst all the silence on Baha Mar and crime being out of control to chastise KB for his honest artistic expression.

Why so “touches” Mr PM? As a society (particularly politicians) we all need to learn to “Dabimus et accipiemus” - Latin for “Give and take”.

As you ‘shuffle’ further into a scripted “la la land” with your fancy footwork for entertainment, surely you are not surprised artists have entered your world - armed with talent and truth.

To be fair, I have reviewed the song’s lyrics again (it’s on repeat) and have come to the conclusion that only the following politicians can be offended:

1) Those who dye their hair

2) Those who wear make-up (women excluded)

3) Those with big, red noses

4) Those who own “Batman” underwear

5) Those who joke

6) Those who jive

If you are none of these, then by all means let us just carry on smartly.

But do remember that artists dislike censorship and operate on ground rules that are peculiar to them. You know, just like your Cabinet Ministers.

Thumbs up, thumbs down

Thumbs Up

to all our Bahamian athletes competing in the World Championships in Beijing, China. This small nation surely has some big time track stars, who always make us proud.

Thumbs Down

to the alleged/rumoured/ purported fight in Cabinet. Seriously, if it must come to hair pulling, scratching and blows please don’t fight in the High Council (or the smokers rooms a la Keod Smith v Kenyatta Gibson, circa 2006 ), fight in the lowly streets ... where we can see you.

Thumbs Up

to Baha Mar for putting together a Plan of Reorganisation. I see someone is still trying to solve the problem.

Thumbs Up

to Beijing for finally stabilising the Asian and (by extension) world markets. When capitalism meets communism and you sprinkle in a dash of currency devaluation mixed with strict government controls the sky’s the limit!

Thumbs Down

to Tropical Storm Erika. Do I really have to explain why?

Until next week ‘Laugh now, cry later’.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ on KISS FM 96.1 from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.