The Tribune

By MICHELLE MILLER

Many people I meet in my coaching work are without a sense of confidence, often holding a small perception of themselves.

While some perceive themselves as not being good enough, others outright don’t like themselves. What is ironic here is, although they hold this view, the deeper origins of these feelings derive from others.

The feelings of low self-esteem are more common than you may think. You may be surprised to learn how easily something somebody says repeatedly can become encrusted in your self-perceptions. I have have had my own struggles with such feelings as a young adult.

What I learned through my journey of self-discovery is that the only path to confidence is resolving any conflicting feelings I held about my own self-worth. This meant learning to see myself through my own eyes, not the eyes of those around me.

Like it or not, many of those around you - even those we trust and hold in high esteem, like parents and teachers - are often the very ones who tend to see us from the smallest view. They have no idea of how their words and actions inadvertently shape our view of ourselves, which, over time, limits our growth and hinders our capacity to trust ourselves.

But once you become an adult you can change this. You can find ways to build confidence that makes the difference.

It starts with gaining clarity and a better understanding of your own self-worth. Begin to see the innate goodness that makes you a worthy being and forget the comments from naysayers.

Fact is, when you build your confidence you become the difference that makes the difference. You recognise that old adage that people see the world not as it is but as they are. Learning to see the good in you means you are more inclined to see the good in others.

Moreover, what you accept, you tend to project. Only what is inside of you can come out of you. Confidence is an inside job. Even the most lavish of university degrees won’t give you confidence. We all know folks who have attained every degree there is to gain but are still without the confidence that makes the difference.

Let’s be clear: confidence is the result, not the cause. It is the end result of doing the work within to redefine who you are and to elevate your self-worth. Throughout our educational years we are not necessarily taught the building blocks of self-esteem. In an academically motivated educational system it is more about producing a high Grade Point Average than highly effective people with high esteem and unstoppable confidence.

So when and where do you develop your confidence? Plain and simple - you must do it for yourself. This is not a bad thing. It is essential that we each take time to know ourselves intimately, to be able to state who we are and why we are moving in certain directions. This is what I call living with intention.

Truth be told, confidence is everything. It is one of the most attractive qualities you can develop. Similarly, the lack of confidence can be most unattractive. Those who lack confidence are more likely to underachieve. They are quick to quit and more prone to allow their dreams to dangle by the wayside.

Investing in your whole life begins by taking time to build confidence that makes the difference. Imagine how different your life could be if you had the confidence to take the risk, ask for a raise, start a new job, present your ideas etc.

Leader to leader, recognise that what matters most is the way you feel about yourself. It’s never too late to feel good about yourself; it’s never too late to begin the process of building a more confident you. See yourself as the difference that makes the difference.

Make today the day that you develop the confidence to live an empowered life.

• Michelle M Miller is a certified Life-Coach and CEO of MMCi. Questions or comments can be sent to email coaching242@yahoo.com or telephone 429-6770 or visit www.michellemmiller.com or snail mail to PO Box CB-13060