The Tribune

By BIANCA CARTER

Life moves so much faster than we wish sometimes. Between daily responsibilities and the expectations we place on ourselves, finding the “sweet spot” when it comes to balance is really hard. It’s easy sometimes to feel overwhelmed, overworked and never enough.

There are many days I think, “Kids, I’m sorry I can’t be there for you.”

When the kids were little, I remember watching then breathe as they slept; I made sure they were carefully placed in the proper sleep position, that they weren’t too cold or too warm. I held them and rocked them for hours to make sure that they were comforted and safe. I watched them get their first tooth, learn to hold their own bottle, stand up on their own, and take their first steps.

Now that they’re older, things kind of get in the way, and when I’m not with them I sometimes worry about them.

I wish we could have more time in the day; it’s hard seeing them for only a few hours each day after work. I want to know how their day was, what they learned in school, and answer all of their questions – they have a lot of questions.

I wish I could take them to the park and the beach every time they wanted to go and be there, present, in the moment, rather than thinking about all of the things I have left to do. I wish we could travel the world and learn the culture of different people, see all the beautiful places and do as we please. We’d have all the time in the world, without the worry of responsibility and time. We’d colour and draw and laugh and dance and I, like them, would give 100 per cent.

But life doesn’t always work like that. Sure, I could throw caution to the wind and do the things I wanted to do all the time, but I won’t, because being able to provide for them is my top priority. And when I’m at work or away from them, I miss them.

Occasionally, I manage to have the energy to come home and cook, do homework, read stories and play, put them to sleep while holding them, just like when they were little. Sometimes, I’m tired. Actually, many times I’m tired, but I push through anyway. I show up, running on whatever fumes I have left, because making an effort counts, too.

My promise to them is that I will always give my best, but sometimes my best will just feel like OK. I’ll forgive myself for not being able to operate at the level that I want to for them, and allow myself to be human once in a while. No matter what, even though I can’t be there for them all the time, I always love them. Tomorrow is a new day, and I’ll do my best again tomorrow. Love and hugs!

• Bianca Carter is a certified lactation counsellor (CLC), founder of Bun in the Oven, and weekend radio personality on Y98 radio. For more information, e-mail her at info@babybunintheoven.com, or bcarter@tribunemedia.net. Follow BITO on Facebook at babybunintheoven, and check out the BITO Blog every Monday and Thursday at http://babybunintheoven.com.