The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

Throughout my lengthy comedy career in The Bahamas and abroad, I’ve learned one thing – a good joke and laugh catches everyone’s attention, especially politicians.

Taking on local politics and social issues (both good and bad) in the same vein as I do my sports column and morning radio show, is quite an undertaking, dealing with all the egos, personalities and political correctness that come with the territory.

However, I’m up for the challenge because I’m armed with a humorous approach and, like most comedians, I’m blissfully oblivious to what other people think of me. (Basically, I don’t check).

I’m penning “A Comic’s View” again because a good laugh is what this country needs. We can’t just keep crying, we’ve been doing that long enough already.

Speaking of tears, here’s what caught my eye this past week.

I know we all see the “Giant Woolly Mammoth” in the room named Baha Mar but I hope you didn’t let these other Elephantidae roaming around escape you either.

I’m convinced when it comes to some of our local politicians and public figures, there is no happy medium. Some simply need to open their mouths and be heard, while others pontificate way too much and need a “governor” on their mouths.

Sleepy and Hollow

Speaking of damaged, the political appeal of Dr Hubert Minnis, Leader of the opposition Free National Movement party, took another beating on Sunday evening after his televised national address.

Dr Minnis’ “5 cents” to the nation could have, like the Washington Irving novel, been titled “Sleepy Hollow” - boring to the point of putting one into a deep slumber, lacking substance and fibre and, most importantly, a “head”.

To say Dr Minnis appeared unfamiliar with the intricate details of the Baha Mar project and how we got to this dangerous point is an understatement. Has he had any conversation with any of the parties? What are his personal thoughts on the direction we should go beyond political rhetoric?

The viewing audience walked away with no idea where he truly stands on this Baha Mar fiasco or why he is so silent on the lacklustre performance of the various players involved.

In essence, Dr Minnis’ speech rang hollow.

I like the good doctor: he has a great track record as an MP amongst his Killarney constituents as well as having the reputation as a doer, a man who gets things done. His major deficiencies lie in his public persona and delivering his party’s message to its supporters.

It appears Dr Minnis has his challenges getting the general populace “fired up” whether it’s FNMs, swing voters or first time voters - all key elements in a general election victory.

I know this shouldn’t necessarily be the criteria that determines our future Prime Minister but, sadly in our society, it is what many Bahamians hold in high regard.

I strongly suggest Dr Minnis’ handlers get him video of legendary public speakers such as Muhammad Ali, Bill Clinton, Dusty Rhodes, Ric Flair, The Rock and ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin. If Dr Minnis can tap into these personalities and add some of their moxy and pizzazz to his speech giving repertoire, the citizens of the 242 will have some very interesting decisions to make in what should be a hotly-contested general election.

If he can’t, sadly he may be remembered as “Dr Who?”

The Potcake, the Shuffler and the Wardrobe

It appears an outbreak of “Hoof in Mouth” disease is reaching epidemic proportions in political circles throughout The Bahamas.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that although Bahamians expect our parliamentarians to act like statesmen, many of them insist on acting like “junglists”.

That is to say, some of our “leaders” have no regard for protocol or, in many cases, the inappropriateness of their remarks.

Recently, we’ve been treated to an English writer’s midsummer night’s (dystopian) nightmare by Prime Minister Perry Christie, and our top diplomat (no less) Minister of Foreign Affairs Fred Mitchell.

In the midst of tense (and terse) negotiations, Mr Christie, aka the Shuffler (for his well documented “shuffle dance” prowess) felt it prudent to question Baha Mar CEO Sarkis Izmirlian’s mental capacity saying, “It is particularly regrettable, that at a time when rationality and cool heads are required to deal with the current crisis at Baha Mar, the company’s leadership appears to be going to pieces under the mounting pressure”.

Translation: Izmirlian is (as we like to say in The Bahamas) “playing crazy,” and even if Mr Christie believes that, it is far, far from appropriate for the PM to state publicly.

I find this to be so overwhelmingly “ironic” coming from a man who boldly searched for dearly departed love ones by staring at the moon, and suggesting others do the same. Where is the so-styled “Kool PC’s” cool head?

What makes matters worse is that no one believes he truly thinks Sarkis Izmirlian is really crazy. They were, as the young kids say, BFFs before Mr Izmirlian had a falling out with CCA Bahamas Ltd and, by extension, China Exim Bank (and apparently by further extension the Christie Administration).

Did a crazy man successfully graduate from Georgetown University, run his family’s multi-billion dollar empire and invest close to billion dollars in our country without anyone recognising his mental frailty to this point? Doubtful.

But the fact that he publicly questioned Izmirlian’s sanity doesn’t play well locally or internationally.

Recently, we have been treated to a doozy when the Member of Parliament for Tall Pines, Leslie Miller (aka the Potcake), advised a union leader to “go in the graveyard and drop down dead”. And while I believe politicians should be on their best behaviour while speaking to issues that affect our country (particularly when on the record), Mr Miller does get a pass for sometimes stepping out of bounds verbally because I think he is one of the few politicians that represents true “Bahamiana” - and to me that is more important than his use of colloquialism or “jungalese”. Plus, his metaphors are hilarious!

On the other hand, Mr Christie and our Minister of Foreign Affairs do not get a pass.

What was Mr Mitchell thinking when he reinforced the “crazy” talk, those no-doubt regrettable words of Mr Christie’s?

When Mr Mitchell eventually was called out by his predecessor in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, the former Deputy Prime Minister, Brent Symonette, who said that his comments about Mr Izmirlian were inappropriate and sent the wrong message to foreign investors, our (Harvard educated) Foreign Minister (dressed in his tailor-made suit, no doubt bought with his alleged gargantuan $50k a year “wardrobe” budget which is only dwarfed by his travel budget, both paid for by the Bahamian people) had the gumption to say that Mr Symonette was “in no position to tell (him) about appropriateness”. He further advised Mr Symonette to “keep his advice to himself”.

Then Mr Mitchell got all Shakespearean and said that the former Foreign Affairs minister should “go hide under the rock from whence he came”.

Really? From ‘whence’ he came?

Oh, how thou doth soundeth like a bitter Puck (aka Robin Goodfellow), Mr Mitchell! Dost thou looketh around, Frederick? Hast thou noticeth how Baha Mar and thy Camelot hath crumbleth?

Alas, my fellow countrymen (and countrywomen), we can only hope that our politicians will “catch sense” when speaking to national issues and exude even fleeting statesmanship.

As for me, I will leave you with one of my favourite Shakespeare quotes from Macbeth (in honour of Mr Mitchell):

“Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” - Macbeth, Act V, Scene V.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ on KISS FM 96.1 from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday. He also writes a sports column on Tuesdays in The Tribune. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net