The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

THIS week, when news spread that the country’s murder record had been tragically broken, I glimpsed my teary-eyed, 80-year-old aunt (rosary in hand) praying. Trying to offer comfort, I asked her if she was okay. Her response? “No, I’m not okay because I never imagined this is what The Bahamas would come to.”

A Comedy of Eras

The “good old days” for the average young person probably seems light on the “good” and heavy on the “old”. I can imagine that to a Millennial a world before texting, Skyping, Whatsapping, tweeting and Facebooking looks downright dystopian. Think “Pirates of the Caribbean” meets “Mad Max”.

Speaking with my aunt, who I must admit is a grudging fan of modern technology, I learned that some older Bahamians have just as stark a view of the way “the next generation” operates today.

“Nobody is doing anything!” she says of the current crime situation in this country. “How come nobody is getting on their backsides to make them do better?” she asks of the way our leaders have seemingly been given a free pass by the Bahamian public.

I thought about it for a moment, and realised the closest we have come to a Hunger Games-style uprising in recent times is when a (false) rumour spread that BTC might shutdown Whatsapp.

The murder count skyrockets and everyone is sad, yet static. But say that Whatsapp will get the kibosh and, all of a sudden, I can picture thousands of Bahamians lacing up their tennis shoes or jamming their feet into beat-up flip-flops to head down to Thompson Boulevard with the sole intention of giving Mr Leon Williams a piece of their mind.

And that may be the biggest knock against my generation and the ones that come after.

It’s not that we are unwilling to fight; I can attest that 50 per cent of the conversations on Facebook are so contentious you could charge a cover just to read the verbal jousting. The problem is we are only quick to stand up for the things that seem to affect us directly. The things we know. The things we like.

And to make matters worse, somewhere along the line “the next generation” was spoon-fed the line that politicians had the final “answer” to crime and everything else in society. Whereas my aunt’s generation felt (and still feels) it’s the duty of the people to “keep these fellas on their toes”.

That sensible approach to governance was a major “good” in the good old days. And the next generation as a whole (judging by the reaction to Hurricane Joaquin) is slowly beginning to adapt that stance. Emphasis on slowly.

The day when we react to the realities of our crime situation (and lazy representation) with as much disdain as we do to the rumours of losing Whatsapp, that will be the beginning of the “good new days” in this country.

Days of

Thunder

For the third time in as many weeks, I had to quickly manoeuvre my car to the side of the road to avoid an oncoming onslaught of sirens and speeding cars.

It seems that our beloved Prime Minister can only travel the few miles between his home, his office and Parliament Street with police outriders forcing traffic to a standstill while he and his entourage zoom by at 100mph.

The first time it happened with my son in the car, he became so surprised by the scene he has been an unofficial lookout for the passing procession ever since. To his eight-year-old eyes, it must look like the “Conch 500” or something.

Now he spots ambulances, fire engines and police cars before I hear them, always quick to point them out. An armoured vehicle driving under the same treatment the Prime Minister receives caught his eye a few weeks ago, momentarily baffling him before I explained the situation.

Then, last week, he saw in traffic the car he associates with the PM. As usual, he immediately brought it to my attention, questioning why there were no sirens or speeding.

Turns out, the car he was looking at didn’t contain the PM but rather Governor General Dame Margueritte Pindling. The Police outrider was there but her procession moved with a more deliberate, more respectful pace. No one had to swerve into a ditch, lose a tyre in a pothole or scrape their car against a wall to avoid a motorcade bearing down on their back bumper.

Ironically, my son’s class is studying civics and laws this year, which means I got hit with a barrage of questions on why the Head of State moves through the streets at a considerate speed while others proceed like “bats out of hell”.

I can explain the ambulance, I can explain the fire engine but I honestly have no idea why Mr Christie is always dangerously flying through traffic the way he does.

Are we in a constant state of emergency? Is his team practising for Nascar? Is he always late everywhere he goes? Is there a free buffet somewhere I haven’t heard about?

Seriously, what gives?

I endured CIA-level interrogation by my son about why speeding like that is okay sometimes and bad at other times, along with questions about why the Head of State doesn’t speed but the PM speeds. After ten minutes of questioning (and five minutes of smirking from my wife) I gave up and simply said “women drive better than men I guess”.

Minister of

National

Insecurity

Minister of National Security Dr Bernard Nottage was in the news again this week speaking of persons being “full of glee” now that the murder record has been broken.

For the record, I think Dr Nottage is as wrong on this point as his Ministry is on solving the problem of crime.

But I’ve noticed that a lot of politicians these days only make their way to the microphone when they are deflecting blame, scolding someone for an apparent slight or if they have a political axe to grind.

Wouldn’t it be nice if they came to us when they have actual ideas, or if they want to comfort this nation that is on pins and needles and in a perpetual state of confusion and grieving?

We know that most politicians are only concerned with the way the public perceives them (especially close to elections) but please do us all a favour - unless you are adding to the conversation on helping citizens have a better quality of life (and longer lives for that matter), do as the young people say and “sit small til ya name call”.

Believe me, door knocking season is almost at hand. You’ll have your chance to baffle us once again. And we’ll have our chance to bolt the locks.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.