The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

As I write this, I am listening to Prime Minister Christie, Police Commissioner Greenslade and NEMA Director Captain Russell reassure the public that the government of The Bahamas is prepared for Hurricane Joaquin and are confident they will be able to maintain communication with the Family Islands throughout the duration of the storm.

All of this is music to my ears as I often worry about in-laws in far away places like Eleuthera, Acklins and Mayaguana during storms. My wife (who swears the supermoon had something to do with Hurricane Joaquin’s erratic behaviour) is chirping away that we can expect more crazy phenomena in the near future – which may explain the tempest in a teacup we saw this week as the Speaker of the House dealt with “Sleep-Gate” and, out of nowhere, “Email-Gate” was born.

Premature

participation

Was it a case of good old-fashioned political naïveté or just well disguised “limelight” impatience?

Some say the former, others say the latter, and I’m sure there’s a large faction that says both.

In any case, it led to another embarrassing, amateurish moment for the supposed “leader of the future”, Democratic National Alliance head honcho Mr Branville McCartney.

In his latest scramble to grab the spotlight, Mr McCartney rushed to judgment on a supposed email

scandal concerning Tourism Minister Wilchcombe and, in the process, made it clear he suffers from an apparent case of “premature participation”. And bless his heart, he’s been suffering from it for years.

If we look back historically, we have to admit that Mr McCartney has a track record of “runnin out” way too quickly.

Case #1

The failed ouster of former PM Hubert Ingraham

when Mr McCartney was Junior Minister of Immigration was the first instance of McCartney jumping the gun too quickly, and we all know the ripple effect that “boo boo” decision had on our nation (not to mention Mr McCartney’s career politically).

One minute “Bran the Man” was the future star of a proven winning franchise, the next minute he was the only known name (politically) on an expansion team comprised by a majority of

political “unknowns”.

Case #2

Another example of the Bahamian political sitcom known as “McCartney’s Missteps” was the departure of one of the DNA’s “big guns”, attorney Wayne Munroe.

That the Progressive Liberal Party was able to swoop in and steal Munroe from right under Mr McCartney’s nose was bad enough, but what made it worse was when Mr McCartney claimed he knew nothing about his longtime friend’s departure.

It goes without saying you should at least know “how it go” in your own party, because that comes with the territory of being a party leader.

Such occurrences of failing to know where your people are become all the more baffling when your party is basically comprised of your friends (both real and Facebook alike) and you still have difficulty preventing them from leaving like Israelites out of Egypt.

As the “old folks” say “If yinna can’t lead your own peoples, how yinna expect to lead the durn country, Mr McCartney?”

Case #3

“Email-Gate” is probably the (current) crowning jewel in McCartney’s comedy of errors, once again brought on by his severe case of “premature participation”.

So “hot up” to play “spoiler” (an art he’s perfected by the way), the learned counsel forgot to dot his i’s and cross his t’s.

This week Mr McCartney called a big-time press conference to present alleged failures by the Minister of Tourism, Mr Obie Wilchcombe, to respond to important emails allegedly received from Carnival Cruise Lines regarding an alleged impending security alert being issued by the cruise line for the Bahamas.

Now I won’t go too deep into this because it has now become a police matter (yeah, it went there) but suffice it to say that, according to Minister Wilchcombe, Mr McCartney failed to notice Wilchcombe’s name was spelled incorrectly and that was the reason the emails were never received.

How Mr McCartney got the email may be a question for the authorities but the question on many voters’ minds is: Why does McCartney keep getting it wrong?

Sleeping Beauty

This week, a mini-scandal erupted in the House of Assembly when Speaker of the House Kendal Major dealt with (I kid you not) Members of Parliament sleeping on the job.

Mind you, this isn’t the first time MPs have been caught “diving conch” in the hallowed halls of Parliament.

There was that one time when our very own Prime Minister Christie was caught catnapping when he should have been mapping out the country’s future. Those pictures made the rounds on social media and a good (light hearted) laugh was had by all.

This time, however, the culprits were Opposition Deputy Leader Peter Turnquest and Long Island MP Loretta Butler-Turner, who were caught counting sheep (pun intended) while in the House.

In condemning the fact that the pictures were both taken and disseminated (in violation of his view of honourable conduct) Speaker Major pointed out his belief that it must have been a member of the governing party who sneakily snapped the cellphone pictures.

Now on the one hand, I can see why it ticked off many Bahamians that our MPs (you know who you are) are often caught “catching Zs” on the people’s time and dime. The situation is worsened still by a (presumably bored) PLP backbencher who lacked the sense not to while away precious government business time playing amateur paparazzo.

But on the other hand, I must admit the comedian in me finds this “Sleep-Gate” drama hilarious. For one thing, do you have any idea how hard it is to fall asleep in a room full of people, sitting upright, while on national television? I work at least 50 jobs (yes, I’m a workaholic) and even I couldn’t pull off the old “vertical slumber”.

Sure, we expect nightshift workers to catch a little snooze in the broom closet every now and again but I wonder what exactly are our elected parliamentarians doing when they should be sleeping that they only find time to sleep when they should be working?

I think I know what’s really going on. I have a feeling (and this is just a theory) that many of our MPs arrive at the House every day bright eyed, bushy-tailed and ready to go.

Then it starts – the never-ending speeches and pontification that slowly release deadly, invisible fumes much like cow chips do. Yes, in my humble estimation it’s a case of “hot-air hostages” being lulled to sleep by a barrage of verbal droppings. It’s as simple as that.

But since many of our grandstanding lawmakers are “all dung until the bell is rung” these days, if you think we won’t catch another MP sleeping on the job then you’re the one who’s dreaming.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.