The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ zenicazelaya

THIS week, the party hopping, bandwagon jumping and succession saga continued. Shall we begin?

Paying your dues

With all the political theatre taking place lately, the Democratic National Alliance (DNA) has been noticeably cast as the “extra”.

It seemed most politicos and pundits had temporarily placed the “third” party on the “pay-them-no-mind” list. That is, until 2012 DNA candidate attorney Wayne Munroe decided to pack up his “Georgie bundle” and head straight to the open arms of the Progressive Liberal Party (PLP).

The fact that Mr Munroe left the fledgling DNA was not entirely surprising. After all, we have seldom heard from any former DNA candidates, except for leader Branville McCartney and deputy leader Christopher Mortimer (every other blue moon).

It’s the way Mr Munroe left that’s more interesting.

According to Bran McCartney, he learned of Munroe’s departure from the party when contacted for comment by a Tribune reporter.

Seriously? To say this is embarrassing for Mr McCartney and the DNA is an understatement, and it speaks volumes about the inner workings of the party.

Let’s be real: there are at least a million other ways Mr Munroe could have dumped the DNA:

He could have called McCartney and given him the old “it’s not you ... it’s me” speech.

He could have shot him a quick email with the subject line “We need to talk”.

He could have changed his Facebook status to “in a relationship with the PLP”.

Munroe could have even posted a little Instagram meme saying “I need space” or “brace yourselves, winter is coming”.

Instead, Mr Munroe left the DNA in the most bewildering (and coldest) way possible; by hitting them with the silent treatment, then evaporating. Going ghost. Disappearing. Dipping. Bailing. Pulling a ninja.

Mr Munroe quietly exited the DNA only to loudly emerge in mainstream politics again as the newest “golden boy” of the gold rush party. And PLP Chairman Bradley Roberts got to make the announcement.

That’s the equivalent of being a pretty, young wife and getting “roached” by a “solid”, “oogly” 50-year-old “gussiemae” who is running around telling everybody she took your husband, your “chirren” and all your “numbers” money too.

Both Mr McCartney and Mr Munroe acknowledged a boyhood friendship which makes this turn of events all the more baffling. If your friends – the people who know you – will no longer follow you, who else will?

Mr Munroe is not the first nor last DNA defector. He admitted to not paying his party dues in three years. I wonder who else is delinquent in their support?

My advice to Mr McCartney would be to get control of the “candidates committee”, dig up whatever dying treasures may be buried there and honestly assess where his party really stands. Otherwise, the DNA will be DOA come 2017.

A Catch 22

Speaking of where a party really stands, the Progressive Liberal Party’s November convention (aka The Hunger Games) is shaping up to be quite a showdown, with the chorus calling for Prime Minister Christie’s retirement getting louder.

This week, though, he has not stated a desire to run for leader while Deputy Prime Minister Philip “Brave” Davis moved to the forefront of potential challengers for the top job. Former PLP MP Philip Galanis openly endorsed Mr Davis for leader – a small victory for Davis.

There have been other PLP supporters – some loud, some quiet as a church mouse afraid of losing their cheese – who have acknowledged it’s time for Mr Christie to move on. Or at least state publicly what he plans to do.

Current MP for Tall Pines Leslie Miller (aka the Potcake) told the press it “bothered” him that Mr Christie might not make his way off the stage. Basically, the Potcake hit Christie with the political equivalent of “Bye, Felicia!” Got to love the “Potcake” - it’s hard to keep dancing once the music stops (and not look foolish).

By now Mr Christie must realise the band stopped playing “long time”.

But this whole succession saga drags on because all the top contenders are two-stepping around their boss.

Mr Christie may not have his youth but, as far as would-be replacements go, he has something even more valuable – hundreds and hundreds of Stalwart Councillor votes in his pocket.

Any would-be leader of the PLP who wants to take the party into the next election has to pull off the jiu-jitsu move of kicking Mr Christie into retirement while snatching those votes out of the air in the process.

This puts Deputy PM Davis in a precarious position. He has to be seen giving Prime Minister Christie room to make a graceful exit, keeping in mind the influence Mr Christie still has within the party.

Plus, most Bahamians probably don’t have an appetite for political bloodletting just yet. Many just want Mr Christie to (quickly) retire with the honour his position demands.

But if the old rumours are true, and Mr Christie plans to anoint Obie Wilchcombe as his successor anyway, then for Davis all this time waiting on Mr Christie is basically what the old people call “skylarking”.

In that case, DPM Davis has to move like the Artful Dodger and pick Christie’s pocket of those council member votes before it’s too late.

Then it won’t matter what Mr Christie decides; all the DPM has to do is live up to his nickname and step up to the plate.

I’m keeping my eye on this (subliminal) leadership race. And to all the potential contenders I say: “May the odds be ever in your favour.”

Until next week: laugh now, cry later.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ on KISS FM 96.1 from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday and Thursday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net

Thumbs up, thumbs down

Thumbs up

to Toby Smith, my fellow St Andrew’s alumnus, for taking the initiative to clean up Rawson Square and the downtown area on his own time and dime. No finger pointing, he led by example.

Thumbs down

to those now-unemployed, struggling actors/workers from Disney Cruise Line who made that ridiculous parody video.

Karma is a big, hairy monster. Yes, downtown could be improved but it’s not your place to use our home to springboard your failing acting careers by being intellectually dishonest.

How can you run past the Hilton, post up next to an abandoned building and say there are no nice hotels downtown? Bye, Felicia.

Thumbs up

to (Acting) Commodore Tellis A Bethel and the brave men and women of the Royal Bahamas Defence Force.

Capt Bethel and his marines are a huge bright spot in the country, keeping our waters safe all while combatting human smugglers, illegal poachers and the like. Recent numbers of seized vessels, contraband and catch have been impressive to say the least.

In fact, under Capt Bethel’s command the Defence Force has done such great job recently that not one but two tropical depressions have avoided the area so as not to encounter them.

Thumbs down

to the potential next leader of the Progressive Liberal Party, Minister of Works Philip Brave Davis. This has nothing to do with politics and everything to do with potholes.

In my best impersonation of my late grandpa K M Thompson who would have said to the DPM, “Not for my sake, not for your sake, but for God’s sake fix dem potholes. Come on, straighten up and fly right fella!”

I love my sister-in-law but I hate changing tyres!