The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

Wow! What a week it was. I must say there were many ‘things’ that caught my eye in the headlines this week. Some happenings left me shaking my head in disgust, others made me laugh my butt off.

It also left me contemplating offering my services as a ‘publicist’ for certain MPs. I’m quite sure I can make them look a lot better than they do themselves. I know some must be tired of extracting their feet from their mouths by now.

Buckle up, we’re going in...

Well, I do declare

According to the Public Disclosures Act, a summary of the declarations shall be published in the Gazette and any person who does not comply with the law is liable to a fine not exceeding $10,000 or imprisonment of not more than two years.

It was good to see that the majority of our MPs have declared their personal assets; however, the irony is the ones who didn’t declare were the ones that mattered the most.

Prime Minister Perry Christie did not answer questions on the status of his declaration or whether he was in breach of the law. He chose rather to whip out his magic wand and Hocus Pocus, Presto, Change-o, he turned it into this:

“Why do you want to talk to me about that?” Mr Christie retorted when he was questioned by Tribune reporter Krishna Virgil. “You know I don’t give interviews outside of the Cabinet Office any more. But I am working on a few big things so give me a day or two.”

Ah ... um ‘Chief’ that was Monday, a day or two had you at Wednesday. It’s now Friday, five days later, anything yet?

Late again, I guess. Thank God we didn’t hold our collective breaths.

Deputy Prime Minister Philip ‘Brave’ Davis gave us this ‘nugget’:

“I know I signed something a couple of weeks ago but I am not sure if it was for this year or last year. I will check with my accountant.”

Foreign Affairs and Immigration Minister Fred Mitchell told The Tribune he had asked for his deadline for 2015 to be extended until May; however all other previous years had been filed.

State Finance Minister Michael Halkitis hit The Tribune with that classic line, you know the one about his fillings that “were in the mail”. Right next to the infamous cheque, huh?

Tall Pines MP Leslie Miller said he had yet to get around to submitting his completed forms. Cold! You got to love the ‘Potcake’.

Central and South Eleuthera MP Damian Gomez, along with Environment Minister Kenred Dorsett, both said their banks ‘ate their forms’. Seriously, they claimed delays at their respective lending institutions had delayed them in filing. If all else fails, blame your bank I guess.

Minister of State for Investments Khaalis Rolle said his information was being finalised and would be filed in short order.

Youth, Sports and Culture Minister Danny Johnson just needs a notary to sign off on his documents. Might I suggest well known Justice of the Peace and Notary Public Rodney Moncur to assist in expediting the process.

Grand Bahama MP Dr Michael Darville was travelling and could not be contacted.

South Beach MP Cleola Hamilton when questioned did her best Usain Bolt impersonation and broke off running!

Her Majesty’s Royal Opposition was not to be outdone. Montagu MP Richard Lightbourn, tapping into his inner ‘Tony Soprano’, said it was “being handled”.

Fort Charlotte MP Andre Rollins said he had not filed his disclosures but that it would be dealt with before the House of Assembly re-convened on Monday? Still waiting.

Sadly, when asked to comment on this ordeal, Public Disclosure Commission Chairman Myles Laroda offered this :

“Those who have not complied with the Public Disclosure Act, our job is to write to them and to remind them that it is law that they fill out these disclosures. Our powers are limited to basically writing. There are others who have made statements that you could lock up this one and lock up that one, (but) in the Act it said nothing could be done without the Attorney General so you are able to form your own opinion with regard to that.”

Seriously? A ‘toothless’ watchdog. Where is the accountability here?

We all know ‘how dis ting go’ so we may as well get used to more excuses, lateness and plain old bad political verbal manure.

Anyway, I’m off to follow act two of the Bahamian remake of ‘To Wong Foo, Thanks for everything! Julie Newmar’ play out in the dailies. More on that in next week’s column for sure.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.