The Tribune

HAVE you ever been hurt so badly that you thought you’d never come out on the other side?

In some way, we’ve all experienced the heavy pain of losing someone or something. We know all too well that such pain cuts like a knife and can stifle us from moving our lives forward.

As we bid farewell to the amazing year of 2015, these final days presents a wonderful opportunity for you to let go of any past hurts that you have been holding onto. The end of another year conjures up many memories. Many reflect with regret about the people or things loss or goals left unachieved.

However, the challenge with looking back only at the pain gives you a poor view of your entire 2015 experience. Although there may have been some pain, there was also some joy that came your way. You cannot push past the pain, if you only focus on the pain. This is why many live life in the rearview mirror. They spend their emotional currency looking back with regret, as opposed to looking forward with hope.

Having had to face my share of loss and dealing with the enormous grief that comes with the loss of loved ones, I know that pushing pass the pain is no easy feat. At the same time, I realised that if I didn’t end my grieving and take my focus from the rearview mirror, I could not move my life forward.

Yes, it was a colossal challenge but, step by step, I made the transition from looking back to looking forward. I found that what mattered most was my willingness to believe that despite the pain, something better lies ahead for my life.

Perhaps you’re going through this very valley of pain and find yourself still holding onto grief. If you are, then it’s time for you to find the courage to get out of the rearview mirror and learn how to let go. It is time to push pass the pain of the past. You deserve to be free from the grief. By accepting this truth means that you must have a bigger reason to move your life forward.

Something must motivate you to let go of what’s gone and live your life with optimism. Without this motivation, it can become difficult to maintain the momentum needed to keep it moving.

Holding onto past pain and anguish is a kind of self-inflicted torture that can cause serious health risks and deep-rooted emotional scars. The truth is, when you cling to the past, you’re internally changing your present. The haunting question that circles the mind is - how can something you’ve kept inside for so long just be let go? As I’ve said, it’s not an easy task, but it can be done.

It takes consistent attention and persistent effort to release yourself from whatever it is that stands between you and the freedom from past pain. The ‘e’ in the word success stands for effort. It doesn’t matter what has happened in the past, with concerted effort you can successfully navigate the dark tunnel of pain.

Consider that the bigger picture here is that if you don’t make an effort to push pass the pain and let it go, you will carry that baggage of old past hurts into a brand new year.

For this reason, using these final days to let go of what’s gone offers much value. Here are some key steps to consider as part of the healing process. Often we want to reach for tomorrow without properly letting go of yesterday. One key step is to be honest with yourself about what is gone. There is going through and then there is gone through. Know which lane you are driving in.

The lack of honesty produces an unclear picture about where you really are. Be willing to admit and accept that he, she, they or it is gone. Go through the process of grieving the loss but understand that you cannot remain in the state of grief.

Grieving is fundamental. Seeking help to go through this process is essential. Failing to grieve in healthy way leads to emotional suppression and eventual depression. Unaddressed emotions festers, become toxic and can have a negative impact on your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.

Leader to leader, be encouraged to use these first days of 2016 to let go of pain from the past. Invest the needed effort to gain closure. You will find that gaining closure on something that was left open for so long can make a huge difference in letting go of what’s gone.

By forgiving and closing those old hurtful, emotional accounts, you open a new chapter of possibility. Starting a new year with an improved emotional bank account is a great stride towards living an empowered life.

What do you think?

• Michelle M Miller is a certified Life-Coach, and Leadership Expert. Questions or comments can be sent to email – coaching242@yahoo.com or telephone 429-6770 or visit www.michellemmiller.com or snail mail to PO Box CB-13060