Sancheska and Renaldo Dorsett (sdorsett@tribunemedia.net, rdorsett@tribunemedia.net)
Divisional Round Awards
- THE “You Have Failed This City” Award presented by the domestic terrorists that sat in a boardroom at Cable Bahamas and decided to take away ESPN from us -Andy Reid and his clock management…again
- THE “Only Way To Make You Less Horrible At Your Job Is To Put Aaron Rodgers In Charge” Award presented by the geniuses that sat in a boardroom at Cable Bahamas and decided to take ESPN away from us - All Packers wide receivers not named Jordy Nelson
- THE “Madman That Destroyed The Dreams Of Thousands” Award presented by the final person to sign off on the decision to take ESPN away from us - Vontaze Burfict. One guy was responsible for Le’Veon Bell and Antonio Brown being on the sidelines and Big Ben playing at about 27 per cent.
*Seriously, whichever party forces them to bring ESPN back gets my vote. I’m not below bowing to a dictatorship if that’s what we need in order to have the Worldwide Leader back in my life. I should have known not to trust a company that takes Angelique Sabrina off the air. At some point we have to ask the question - Does Cable Bahamas have an aversion to the happiness of the average Bahamian? Or just to me. I’m fairly certain Cable Bahamas hates me.
CONFERENCE
CHAMPIONSHIPS
Cardinals at Panthers
SANNIE: Sigh, My baby made it so far and I am so proud of him, only a few steps away from Super Bowl 50. Let’s go baby, you’ve got this! Cam Newton forever.
PANTHERS over Cards
RENALDO: The media continues to vilify this team because it appears anti-establishment, when actually it’s not at all. Cam Newton’s an easy target, so is Josh Norman, but for some reason it was a “story” this week that Panthers safety Roman Harper said he thinks his team is the best. I’m really confused as to what they expect him to say. Also, Roman Harper has grey hair…so naturally wise. A college friend of mine had the perfect sentiment for how most of us feel about the Panthers’ run at the Super Bowl - “I really hope Cam Newton wins the Super Bowl and burns all the flags of the teams he beat this season midfield during the presentation of the Lombardi trophy. I hope he takes a lock of Peyton Manning’s hair or kicks Tom Brady in his chin during the postgame handshake. I hope he steals Bill Belichick’s hoodie or sings the Nationwide chant in Peyton Manning’s ear and replaces it with, “Sorry, that we beat that a.”
PANTHERS over Cards
Patriots at Broncos
RENALDO: “We’ve been coming to the same party for 12 years now...and in no way is that depressing.” - Ron Burgundy. This has to be the one that ends it. The 117th edition of Brady vs Manning has to be the final chapter in this odyssey that’s gone on as long as Cable Bahamas has enjoyed tormenting its consumers. It hasn’t been as much of a rivalry as people think because Brady has dominated. In fact I hate that we do the measurement of winning between two quarterbacks so let’s shift it to people that will actually go against each other. Here’s Von Miller on his approach to pass rushing this week: “Tom Brady throws in two seconds, I only need one.” That line’s good enough to be on a movie poster somewhere. I’m not going against it.
BRONCOS over Pats
SANNIE: This is a tough one. Who am I kidding, Brady is sooo much cuter than Peyton. I mean, how can you lose with that face?
PATRIOTS over
Bronco
*With just one more picks column to go Sannie and I want to leave you with one parting shot headed into next week: The wise words of Edmund Burke when he heard Cable Bahamas was taking ESPN away from us - “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Rise up people….rise up.
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