The Tribune

A Comic's View

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

Of all the classics I’ve read over the years, the opening of Charles Dickens’ ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ still ranks as one of the best.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness…

Those immortal words came to mind this week as I watched what should be a united Free National Movement (FNM) launch two separate leadership campaigns.

The best of times came in the form of ‘democracy in action’.

The worst of times came in the form of FNMs attacking each other on social media.

The age of wisdom came in the form of the technology which was utilised by both camps.

The age of foolishness came in the form of Hubert Minnis and Loretta Butler-Turner holding their rallies on the same night.

On the surface, the two events looked starkly different.

At Rawson Square, we had Mrs Butler-Turner take the stage in front of a sophisticated crowd of a few hundred supporters. Everything about the venue, the set-decoration, the Facebook live stream that drew 30,000 eyeballs (assuming most viewers had two) right on down to the font on her flyers looked meticulously put together. It was aesthetically reminiscent of the way US president Barack Obama’s team used to put his events together ... except the live crowd would have been much, much bigger.

Meanwhile at Christie Park, Dr Minnis took the podium on a dusty stage that looked like someone pulled it - and most of the decorations - out of their garage a few hours before the event. The basketball court - like most public courts in Nassau - looked scrubby, rundown or as we say ‘where ya put me’. But to the almost 2,000 supporters that went out to ‘Roc wit Doc’ none of that mattered. Not the shaky Facebook feed that drew almost 10,000 eyes. Not the 1990s style set-up. Not the throwback posters and flyers that looked like a government high-schooler’s homework assignment.

It’s amazing how different in style the two events were. Just like the candidates.

Mrs Butler-Turner, for her part, spoke with eloquence and even somehow managed to stay connected to the thousands of online viewers throughout the whole event, personally commenting and thanking them all night.

Dr Minnis, for his part, has become more at ease on stage, smiling and no doubt happy he won the night in terms of crowd size. He has definitely cemented a fervent devotion amongst his followers, who now waste no time verbally taking down his detractors on Facebook.

That these two individuals were at one point a team is remarkable. It reminds of when you see a brother and sister who looked so different you secretly wonder if they have ‘all the same parents’.

As to the substance of the night, both candidates presented ideas worthy of a second look. Dr Minnis continues to row the boat steadfastly toward bringing relief to depressed ‘Over the Hill’ areas while Mrs Butler-Turner has made (our declining) education a major part of her platform.

Not that any of the supporters were checking for any of that. The biggest question before the event was which rally would have (presumably) free food. The biggest question after the event was which rally had the biggest crowd.

As for the professional politicos, some of the pundits have criticised Mrs Butler-Turner for launching her campaign on Bay Street, but at a time when the country is in financial Hades, and Bahamians are fearful of a certain eastern country ‘tryna to buy up erryting’ I saw it as a powerful statement of Bahamian ownership.

But what can be more powerful than standing up for the people, with the people, on their turf? Dr Minnis certainly won on that front.

If you’re sensing hesitation on my part to name a winner that’s because I am. Readers of this column know I call it like I see it but the only thing I see right now is a party that will lose no matter who wins. Where Minnis is strong, LBT is weak. When LBT is strong, Minnis is weak. Together they made a good team but now FNMs (who are sick and tired of this overplayed leadership struggle) are more divided than ever.

After the convention, someone’s (or a few someone’s) political career is headed to the guillotine. Meanwhile in the Progressive Liberal Party (PLP), Jerome Fitzgerald is a leadership front-runner. Heaven help us.

It was best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness ...

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net

Jerome Fitzgerald for PM? Say it ain't so

One of the hottest and funniest political rumours out there comes from the PLP camp. It seems just like their opposition, the FNM, the PLP has its own power struggle going on amongst factions in the upper echelon of the party.

Unlike the FNM the PLP has ‘keeping it house’ down to a science. Nobody sees the PLP’s laundry, clean or dirty.

Despite the best efforts of senior party officials and the many spin doctors associated with the PLP, one particular rumour persists. I’m sure you’ve all heard it, the one about “it’s time for PM Perry Christie to retire”. Yes, that seems to be the consensus within the belly of the PLP.

Now is the time for ‘Kool PC’ to ‘shuffle’ off into the political sunset, Chinese pyjamas in tow, and make way for the Davis, Wilchcombes and Sears of the world to ascend to the top of the political summit.

Could it be that the proud PLP are trying to reconstruct that infamous ‘bridge’ between young and old leadership within the party?

Which young ‘leader’ in the party will rise up and grab the wheel?

None I expect, considering the young talent discarded and laid to waste by the more ‘senior’ MPs and party members, their young political careers, dreams and aspirations dashed in the blinking of an eye. The Christie administration has left quite a ‘roll call’ of young politicians as collateral damage in its wake.

Let’s see: Dr Andre Rollins (understandable), Renward Wells, Greg Moss, Damien Gomez and Dr Kendall Major just to name a few.

Despite all of this, Christie still obviously has an ear to the ground, not letting the rumours get to him by outplaying the rumour mongers at their own game.

Allegedly Mr Christie wants to hand the keys over to ... wait for it ... Minister of Education and Marathon MP Jerome Fitzgerald!

As a professional ‘jokesmith’ for over 18 years I know a good joke when I see one! And that’s hilarious!

This rumor is obviously a hoax, it could only be a joke. “Jeromey the Homie” as the head honcho in charge? Scary!

What does Fitzgerald bring to the table ...

1 The ‘Nolle’ signing.

2 The Marathon gas leak fiasco.

3 Political trash can dumpster diving.

4 National D average again.

5 Unsavoury campaign advisors and alleged generals, surviving quite well off the PLP gravy train.

Does he bring change? His underwear maybe.

Fitzgerald is just the younger version of what we are seeing now.

Part Perry Christie - LATE (just ask the Marathon constituency, they are still waiting for all kind of answers.)

Part Philip ‘Brave’ Davis - PONTIFICATION

Part V Alfred Gray - LUNACY

You see where I’m going with this. Fitzgerald is all too familiar with everything that ails this nation. He’s not akin to positive change, transparency and accountability for starters.

Fitzgerald wasn’t reared that way politically so to expect anything different from him in a position of power such as PM is a promise to a fool. Fitzgerald offers us nothing new politically, so proceed with caution if you are a young political hopeful wanting to cross that PLP bridge, it’s still very shaky.

And if you are a voter, careful not you buy the same old product in new wrappings.

Buyer beware!