The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

The expression ‘the truth is stranger than fiction’ never held much water to me. Albeit, I have been accused of having an “overactive imagination” so maybe that’s why what shocks others usually just amuses me.

But this past week, with tales of “national security risks” gaining entry into the biggest superpower on planet Earth and bombshells involving billionaires I’ll admit that these quiet little islands actually managed to make me do a double take.

The price of freedom

What do you call two barefoot Cubans on a boat off Miami? Well if their names are Pupo and Seara you probably call them millionaires. Oh, and that’s not a boat ... it’s a yacht. Courtesy of the Bahamian taxpayers.

When I read this week that Carlos Pupo and Lazaro Seara were now back in the good ole US of A I shook my head in amazement. Wasn’t it just a mere few weeks ago that our Minister of Foreign Affairs and Immigration Fred Mitchell said the men would not be allowed entry into the States?

According to Mitchell, US border patrol was aware the men had been released into the Bahamian public and may try to re-enter America. Amazingly, after all the stink that was raised in this country by Minister Mitchell and Prime Minister Christie about the men being “security risks” both Seara and Pupo are now comfortably back in the United States. Working. One of them on a golf course no less.

In the words of whoever said it first, “something stinks to high heaven”. And that’s not even the kicker.

Apparently (and expectedly) the Cuban nationals are now suing the government of this country. The Attorney-General, Minister of Immigration and Commissioner of Corrections have all been named as defendants. Pupo and Seara, who spent over three years behind bars without being tried, are asking for $5m apiece. Plus they’re suing Minister Mitchell for a separate $1m. Just because why not?

But the sad part is it’s you and I, mis amigos, who will have to foot the bill should the men be successful in their lawsuit. (I don’t know about you but I already have the pen and chequebook out. And a bottle of Old No.7 as well).

Why and how any of this happened is still a mystery to me. Pupo and Seara were not two Cubans lost in the cold, dark abyss that is Fox Hill Prison. Their names and cases had come to the attention of several civil servants, government officials and the entire Cabinet of this country over the course of their imprisonment.

The end result? A situation that was so mangled and bungled we, the people of this country, will have to pay through the nose, eyes, ears and other orifices to clean up a problem that should never have existed.

Thanks, elected officials!

Am I the only one hoping that the next time Fred Mitchell stands up to wax pathetic in the House of Assembly he offers his resignation instead? And Mrs Maynard-Gibson (as much as I like her) should probably consider a ‘lil staycation’ right about now as well.

Thomas Jefferson once said ‘the price of freedom is eternal vigilance’. For so long, Bahamians have allowed our parliamentary leaders too much freedom to do too much fool. Well it’s time for us to wake up.

I don’t know about you but in my mind that sweet “believe in Bahamians” dream we were sold definitely turned into a nightmare.

Who shot J R?

As a kid, I remember my mother and my aunt being absolute fans of the television show “Dallas”. The show starred Larry Hagman as J R Ewing, a rich Texas oil tycoon.

I never really got to watch Dallas because (a) I was too young and (b) seriously, why would I? But judging by my mother’s captivation with the whole “Who shot J R?” storyline I guessed that shows starring diabolical billionaires was enrapturing back in the eighties and nineties.

There was another show, “Dynasty”, that starred a host of big name actors that

was also a big deal to my mom and aunt back then. It was about a rich family in Colorado who took pleasure in plotting each other’s demise.

According to my aunt, in those days that was the template for a highly-touted television show; rich people with poor characteristics. In fact, my aunt listed off the Ewings (Dallas), Carringtons (Dynasty), Cortlands (All My Children), Buchanans (One Life to Live) and Quartermains (General Hospital) as some of the best examples of some of the worst people. Over the years, I’ve read real-life stories of some horrible high net worth individuals as well - Bernie Madoff, the billionaire Ponzi-schemer, immediately comes to mind. So I’m never surprised by anyone - rich or poor - behaving badly.

When I read the allegations in yesterday’s Tribune (and watched the videos) ... let’s just say there might be something in the water in the Cay. I’m not calling any names (yet) but you whistle and I’ll point.

But now that Scotland Yard, the FBI, billionaires, lawyers and politicians are now making headlines (once again) I will sit back and observe with dismay the dark soap opera headed our way. Life in the Bahamas is really stranger than fiction it seems.

The most alarming part is that some government officials may be caught up in the scandal. (Seriously? Politicians never fail to disappoint).

Something might be in the water in the House too. I wonder if Shane Gibson still has a few of those “psychological tests” laying around?

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.