The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

What an interesting week it has been. Politicians deflected and a major problem remained neglected.

There was one bright spot, however, when an icon was honoured for years of exemplary work. Let’s begin.

Down in the dumps

Minister for the Environment Kenred Dorsett has a lot of nerve collecting a paycheck.

After years in his current Cabinet position, Mr Dorsett stood in the House of Assembly and spoke ad nauseam about everything except the main thing plaguing New Providence right now: the fires raging at the dump.

Yes, in a haze of fog created by one of the nastiest toxic smogs we’ve had in years, Mr Dorsett stood there pretending he couldn’t smell (or taste) the gag-inducing scent that has closed schools and chased residents from as far as Westridge to downtown Nassau.

So what did he choose to focus on? Bird watching.

Not that there’s anything wrong with birds. I actually own a bird. But even my pet parrot (his name is Polly) couldn’t stop squawking this week, “Sqwah! Sqwah! Polly want a oxygen mask.”

Speaking of parrots, how much longer will Bahamians have to keep begging for a resolution to whatever is happening at the dump?

Dorsett, who I seldom ever notice (let’s be honest, he’s not even on his constituents’ radar), has conveniently ignored many pressing issues Bahamians could use the support of a strong Minister of the Environment on.

Where was he during the public debate about access to Cabbage Beach? Correct me if I’m wrong but beaches are a part of the environment, right? And what about the hot debate surrounding Clifton Bay? Dorsett has conveniently been quiet on that front too.

I’m becoming convinced that the only way to get anything done is to have ministers experience the effects the worst-off of their constituents endure.

So if you’re the Minister of the Environment ... move next door to the dump.

Minister of Works? Drive your car through every pothole in Nassau. Daily.

Minister of National Security? Your new home address is Nassau Village.

Minister of Immigration? Set up office in any shanty town of your choice. (And the only flying you’ll be doing will involve a swatter).

Minister of Finance? Survive on minimum wage for the duration of your term. And then get unceremoniously fired.

There is a lot that Bahamians stomach but a minister running on about “birds” while Bahamians are coughing and choking on smoke filled air shouldn’t be one of them. Still, if Minister Dorsett is interested in seeing birds he need only peer at the digits of disgruntled Bahamians riding out the smog.

The stench of pollution

Speaking of air, it surely was thick in the House this week.

While watching the Parliamentary Channel, I couldn’t help but notice the Herculean task the Speaker of the House Dr Kendal Major had in trying to keep order in that place.

When a heated row broke out between Marathon MP Jerome Fitzgerald and Fort Charlotte MP Dr Andre Rollins over “Nygard-gate”, I thought the Speaker looked like a frazzled tennis referee standing between John McEnroe and Andre Agassi.

During the back and forth, Minister Fitzgerald actually went on a strange tirade defending the man (Nygard) who was recorded criticising PM Christie for “sitting with his thumb up his a” (which, by the way, sounds like an awfully uncomfortable posture to adopt).

Way to have your boss’s back, Jerome.

The whole sordid affair gets stranger every day. When the courts have ruled, I look forward to diving deep into the debacle.

For now, I - like many Bahamians - am captivated that the RBPF, FBI and Scotland Yard have been mentioned in the ‘Billionaire Battle Royale.’

In the House yesterday, Mr Fitzgerald brought up the US State Department and their Internal Revenue Service (IRS). Personally, I’m just waiting on MI5 and the CIA. When James Bond and Jason Bourne show up someone will definitely be up a creek.

But I have to thank ‘Jeromey the Homey’ and V Alfred ‘Dusty Foot’ Gray for helping me to finally understand one of the Progressive Liberal Party’s oft-touted slogans.

Back in 2013, V Alfred Gray had the gall to say “Mr Nygard is a Bahamian” and that he had “done more for the Bahamas than many other Bahamians”.

So you see my friends, the PLP does believe in Bahamians. They believe in ‘paper’ Bahamians. As in, ‘you got the paper, you’re our kind of Bahamian’.

(As a sidenote: Could you ever imagine a British or American politician uttering those words about a ‘financial guest’ to their own citizens? To the voters? Even Donald Trump is not fool enough to try it!)

I wonder what the late Sir Lynden Pindling would make of what’s taking place in the country today? What’s taking place in the government?

As many faults as he had (and they were numerous and well-documented), one thing you cannot say is that this national embarrassment would have played out in this fashion without “the Father of the Nation” putting the switch to a few out-of-pocket politicians.

Leading by example

Something finally dawned on me the other day. In the midst of all of the “scared” silence by certain corners of the media (whose salaries we pay) I realised that having a strong leadership is important.

When MP Jerome Fitzgerald referred to The Nassau Guardian as “small fries” (I felt that blow for my former co-workers) and The Tribune as “major players” in the House of Assembly, I realised that having strong leadership is important.

We (The Tribune/Radio House) have no choice but to be the leaders in our field - just look at the sterling example set by our matriarch, Publisher and Editor in Chief Eileen Carron.

Internationally recognised as one of the very best in her field, and a trailblazing lifetime achiever, Mrs Carron has set the bar extremely (extremely) high.

And over her 53 years she has left numerous examples, lessons and words of encouragement for those in her employ. Those birds Kenred Dorsett likes to watch have no idea how inspired we are to soar just knowing Mrs Carron has put her faith in us.

Add to the equation The Tribune’s motto “Bound to swear to the dogmas of no master” and now you see why I fit right in around here, saying what I say and writing what I write.

Thank you Mrs Carron for setting such a wonderful example and for all the kind words of advice you’ve afforded me, all the while allowing me to be as “Naughty” as I want to be.

We love you.

Goodbye

‘Big Fella’

On a more sombre note, I lost a very good friend and comedy mentor this week. Allyn Ball was a giant of a man, with a heart to match. He was a brilliant, phenomenal comedian. He was also a great father and mentor.

Allyn taught me a lot about life and comedy, lessons I will pass on because they are that influential and profound.

I will leave you this week with the words he would often leave the stage with, words to live by: “At the end of the day, there is no black or white, no straight or gay. No Muslim, Jew or Christian. There is simply cool or uncool. From this point on just be cool to each other.”

RIP Allyn, take your rest old friend, you will live on forever in the laughter.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net