The Tribune

While treating yourself better may seem easy as pie, it gets tricky for many. The reason being, it is difficult, if not impossible, to treat yourself better when you are stuck eating a bitter pie.

Until you make the decision that you are tired of those awful feelings brought on by the taste of that bitter pie, you cannot get better.

In other words, treating yourself better will not just somehow happen, it is a decision you must make.

But why do so many continue to live their lives on this bitter pie diet when it only yields more bitterness? The answer lies in the unresolved hurt and pain that occupies the bulk of their mental space.

You see, you cannot get beaten up by life experiences, leave them unaddressed, and not become somewhat bitter. What is sad here is the bitter filling that makes up your pie often has more to do with what others have said or done to you than what you’ve done to yourself.

Yes, while you are the one actually eating the bitter pie, it is because in one way or the other you have unknowingly accepted and agreed to live according to others people’s views and feelings about you, rather than your own feelings about yourself.

Essentially, you are living life according someone else. Whether that person or persons are your parents, children, spouse, siblings, family, friends or whomever, their opinions of you seem to matter more than yours do. The first step to treating yourself better begins by you reevaluating the value you place on their opinions. Why do you care so much about what they think?

Perhaps the pain of bitterness that is holding you hostage occurred when you were a child or young adult. This indeed can be even more devastating, because you were defenseless or taken advantage of. Let me just say that it was not your fault. You are not responsible for their actions/behaviours – they are.

Even so, those horrible feelings can easily create a foundation of you thinking that you are unworthy or not good enough. Regardless of what anybody said or did, you are born worthy and absolutely nobody can take that away from you.

As an adult, however, you must take responsibility for your life. When your internal foundation is cemented by low, self-depleting feelings, your life pie becomes filled with bitter, self-destructive ingredients.

The point to ponder is this – you cannot treat yourself better until you find ways to feel better. If you don’t address those painful feelings, you inadvertently live a dysfunctional, less fulfilling life.

Bear in mind that treating yourself better is not about buying more expensive apparel, more makeup etcetera. It is about making the decision to get naked inside your life and heal those pockets of brokenness. You cannot build a better life if you are broken within.

As a life coach/counsellor, I know all too well that there is incredible value in facing the pain and healing yourself. Through this process, so many clients have found their “freedom papers”. We each have a yearning to figure out who we really are and how we can live our lives with a greater sense of purpose. In so doing, we learn to appreciate the power of our potential and the gifts that we bring to the world. It takes tons of courage to take off your mask, get naked and accept yourself as a worthy soul.

In more ways than you can imagine people everywhere are looking for ways to feel better about themselves and about their lives. In order to treat yourself better you must first believe that you deserve to be treated better. Then you must get some real help and by real help I mean more than just talking or praying about it, but actually getting yourself into a counselling or coaching program that can help you do the inner work to clear out and replace bitter bricks with better bricks.

My own journey to discovering who I am began similarly. I had to do the inner work to deconstruct that negative self-view, which came from others, and rebuild my inner framework with better bricks of my inherent self-worth. You can do the same.

Leader to leader, make the decision to treat yourself better by addressing those painful, bitter issues. When you deal with the root of what you feel, you can heal, repair and rebuild a better, more delicious life pie.

Your willingness to get naked and do the inner self-work is the hallmark of living an empowered life. Yes, you can do it.

What do you think? Send comments questions to 429-6770 or coaching242@yahoo.com.

• Michelle M Miller is a certified life coach, communication and leadership expert. Visit www.michellemmiller.com; mail can be sent to PO Box CB-13060.