The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

A few months back, I wrote that Minister of Agriculture V Alfred Gray was undoubtedly the Christie administration’s least credible minister.

Fast forward to this week, with the minister once again caught up in scandal and controversy, and I think Bahamians understand why I made that statement.

There’s an old Bahamian expression that goes “he talking out both sides of he mout!”

Well, in Minister Gray’s case, we have to amend that expression to “he talking out all five sides of he mout”.

Earlier this week, we learned (to our collective shock and horror) that somehow, some way - after all the problems we have had with our new Far East friends surrounding Baha Mar - the government of this country was now moving forward to possibly enter into another dumb deal with the Chinese.

According to reports in the press, Minister of Agriculture Gray has given the Bahamian Ambassador to China the green light to explore proposals that would entail leasing over 10,000 acres of Crown land in Andros to foreigners to pursue large scale, commercial fishing ventures.

Fishing ventures! My God.

To say that any foreign government or corporation fishing in our waters in any commercial manner, through any kind of ‘deal’, is anathema to born and unborn Bahamians alike is an understatement.

A non-starter.

An insult.

A bad joke.

But to try to “dress up” such a ludicrous idea by flinging out big numbers like $2 billion and talk of 50-50 partnerships adds insult to injury.

Now, I’m trying my best to be fair to communist China’s insatiable appetite for capitalist ventures because I know that at the end of the day ‘money gatta make’, and they do have ‘a billion mouths to feed’.

But in the words of every Bahamian woman who has been told something she doesn’t want to hear, “Dernt do it!”

To be blunt, the last time someone we know ‘partnered’ with Chinese firms, he lost his shirt, shoes and almost $1 billion.

Snake oil

Now, Minister Gray comes with his figurative ‘snake oil’ telling us that he would never give a licence to a foreign entity to fish our waters.

Even after his letter authorising the exploration of exactly just that was made public, Gray stood in the honourable House of Assembly and proclaimed “I never spoke to any Chinese”.

Which is true, technically. But as any diplomat worth his salt knows, when the government gives permission for Bahamian ambassador Paul ‘Andy’ Gomez to open talks with Beijing on any joint venture you are indeed ‘talking’ to the Chinese.

Gray’s denial is a distinction without a difference.

And why is Mr ‘Go Hide in a Cave’ all mixed up in another scandal?

Why haven’t we heard from Prime Minister Christie or Minister of Foreign Affairs Fred Mitchell on this whole fishing scandal as yet?

Who, exactly, is running this asylum?

Minister Gray would have us believe that this latest ‘threat to our sovereignty’ is no big deal because the Chinese did not approach us about ‘takin we fish’, we approached them. In my mind, that actually makes matters worse.

It’s like we can’t wait for foreign investors to put us on the corner to the point we slip on the heels and rouge (or cowboy boots and skinny jeans, as the case may be) and start walking the Dongcheng District ourselves.

I want to believe that deep down the ‘historic’ Progressive Liberal Party (PLP) government will protect the future of fisheries for Bahamians.

I also want to believe the Los Angeles Lakers will win an NBA championship this year.

Neither is true.

A 50-50 partnership with Bahamian (cronies) means nothing when dealing with a country who has shown us in the past that their business practices are very unlike our own.

If Sarkis Izmirlian had to take an “L” with $1 billion in his pocket, who is the small Bahamian fisherman by comparison?

The idea that no Chinese, with all their ‘expertise’, will be given permission to physically fish our waters after they bring $2 billion to the table is a pipe dream. There will be so-called ‘legitimate’ reasons offered later on as to why they need to be on those boats despite what is being said now.

And what will be the end result?

The controversy surrounding fishing rights in the South China Sea, which, according to National Geographic, has been overfished to near collapse, should be warning enough for any right thinking government. But apparently not this government.

My God.

V Alfred Gray has proven by his words and actions that his words and actions should be taken with a grain of Inagua salt. Any time a politician starts a statement with “Mr Speaker, this is the truth” I definitely get the feeling they are not telling the truth.

In fact, after a bit of back and forth this week The Nassau Guardian decided on the headline, ‘Gray tells a lie’.

A braver headline would read, ‘Gray is a liar.” But that is a distinction without a difference.

What comes next

There are some that think a $2 billion injection into Andros may not be a bad idea. I am not one of those people.

I think the idea of any one foreign group - any foreign group - moving into Andros with ‘big dollars’ and proven patience cannot turn out well for us in terms of sovereignty or the future of our children.

I think the idea of anyone who isn’t ‘Bahamian’ moving large scale into an area supposedly reserved for Bahamians is a flat out bad idea.

Why is our elected government apparently on a different page?

Why is Minister of Agriculture and Fisheries V Alfred Gray (and, by extension, this PLP government) seemingly acting contrary to the desires of most Bahamians?

Because they believe they can. Because they have done it before (gambling, anyone?) with relative little blowback.

What we need now is an explanation from Prime Minister Christie.

That, and Mr Gray’s full resignation from the Cabinet, for starters.

Between the ‘calling the Mayaguana Administrator scandal’, the ‘go hide in a cave’ comments and the BAMSI debacle, I think we all know what and who we have in Minister Gray. God willing, this ‘donkey’ of a politician will be out of politics for good come Election Day.

This latest scandal should be the last straw.

Maya Angelou gave us a great quote to live by. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time,” she said. I believe we know who V Alfred Gray is. And I believe it’s time for him to go.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net