The Tribune

In the subtle war between the so-called educated and uneducated, people are much more concerned about what they know or don’t know, than they are about how they feel.

In fact, the entire scope of being educated is more about the pursuit of knowledge than it is about gaining self-awareness and self-understanding.

Knowledge, they say, is power. Yet in all their knowing, most have no knowledge about their feelings. Frankly speaking, the notion that our emotions are not as relevant as so-called education has become an abnormally accepted norm.

Consequently, we believe that our feelings really don’t matter. Hence, we don’t take notice.

This, however, is far from true. It was untrue when we are children and even more untrue when we become adults. Even so, having developed the habit of ignoring how we feel, we live our lives with very little emotional empowerment. Instead, people are more emotionally disempowered – leaving their bouts of anger, jealousy, sadness, fear, etcetera, unaddressed.

It is ludicrous to teach our children to respectfully learn their ABC’s and 123’s but ignore the way they feel. Yet, this is what we are working with educationally. The irony here is, while they say knowledge is power, going from primary school through to college may give you paper knowledge but it won’t necessarily give you power. Power comes from within.

More importantly, your feelings live inside of you. They are with you from the day you are born and will be with you always. To deny them is to deny your very existence. Nothing outside of you, be it ABC’s or tertiary degrees, can have more value than what is inside of you. Learn to like your feelings. They really do matter. When you honour your feelings, you live a more intentional life.

Here’s what often happens: we essentially teach children what they know matters most. Children in turn begin to believe that being on the honour roll, for example, makes them more worthy than being emotionally connected or displaying acts of kindness, empathy etcetera. Perhaps it is this early attitude about knowledge that leads so many to not pay attention to how they feel.

Let’s look at this story line: here’s an uncertain, shy, fearful student who consistently makes the honour roll, but deep inside he’s struggling with feelings of low self-worth, frustration and sadness. Ignoring his feelings, he continues his educational path, becoming a successful doctor, lawyer, teacher or business owner. From the outside, everyone tells him how proud they are, that he’s made it, is living the most successful life one could imagine. But success is relative.

One night, he’s sitting in the most expensive chair in his beautiful five-bedroom, split level home. The many years of suppressing those awful feelings begin to haunt his mind and Dr So and So bottoms out. Overwhelmed, exhausted and overcome by his unaddressed emotions, he sadly takes his own life.

Society wakes up the next day in shock. Everyone ponders, what happened? How did such an educated, utterly successful individual get to such a low point in his life? What they fail to understand is that Dr So and So’s feelings mattered. They mattered more than his PhD and material possessions, but he failed notice.

When you fail to pay attention to your emotions, you become vulnerable to your own emotional tsunami. There are scores of people all over the world, be they doctors, scientists, business owners, educated or uneducated, who find themselves paying the high price of suicide because they didn’t take notice of their feelings.

Whether you put yourself in the category of the educated or uneducated, please recognise that your feelings matter. I would say they matter the most. Don’t become a victim of yourself. Your feelings are a potent, powder keg of power. Show them honour and respect.

Leader to leader, recognise that your feelings matter and you must take notice. Make the commitment to talk to someone you can trust about your feelings. Be honest about what you feel, especially about what you feel about yourself.

You can only live an empowered life by addressing and cultivating the power of your emotions. Yes, you can do it!

What do you think? Please send your comments to coaching242@yahoo.com or 429-6770.

• Michelle M Miller is a certified life coach, communication and leadership expert. Visit www.talktomichellemiller.com or call 1-888-620-7894; mail can be sent to PO Box CB-13060.