The Tribune

Week 12

Minnesota Vikings at

Detroit Lions

RENALDO: Word on the street is that Adrian Peterson is hanging around the Vikings facility jonesing for some pickup football games. How Sway? I watched this dude tear his meniscus less than two months. There’s no way he should be footballing right now. Just a rumour that he might be back in a month and the Vikings defence remembered that they too can football.

Meanwhile while Calvin Johnson is finishing third on “Dancing With the Stars,” Matt Stafford has the Lions playing for first in the division. I always thought Starscream, not Megatron should lead the Decepticons.

LIONS over Vikings

SANNIE: So now that I officially suck at this, I am just going to randomly choose because I mean, I can’t get any worse.

LIONS over Vikings

Pittsburgh Steelers at

Indianapolis Colts

RENALDO: Classic “Mustafa In The Sky” game for Big Ben and Antonio Brown. (Remember who you are). We’re not exactly sure what this Pitt team is – Is it still pass heavy team reliant on Ben to be elite? Will it scale back his responsibility and lean heavier on Le’Veon Bell or will they just fluctuate from week to week lightly anchored by a porous defence? Whatever they are, it has to be better than the Colts defence. Also Andrew Luck is out and none of you reading this have any idea who is backup quarterback is. Perfect MITS game.

STEELERS over Colts

SANNIE: The Steelers logo is cuter, so let’s go with them, not really feeling the horseshoe.

STEELERS over Colts

Washington Racial Slurs

at Dallas Cowboys

RENALDO: Fat Rob set the tone early. When you’re not good at mastering this inexact science of picking games, it’s very easy to be swayed by the simplest things (That’s basically the genesis of this entire social experiment masquerading as a column). This week Fat Rob unapologetically talking his…stuff has swayed me. An undrafted rookie free agent running back had the gumption to call the 9-1 juggernaut the Cowgirls. He’s either stupid for giving them bulletin board material or set the tone for a post game talking point. Either way he just made this more interesting.

RACIAL SLURS over

Cowboys

SANNIE: Still not rocking with Washington, so Cowboys it’s all on you.

COWBOYS over

Washington

Los Angeles Rams at

New Orleans Saints

RENALDO: This game will be an odd watch just for the juxtaposition of Jared Goff plodding ahead, trying to move the ball down the field one three-yard pass at a time and Drew Brees matching Goff’s first half numbers in a single pass.

SAINTS over Rams

SANNIE: Still waiting to go to New Orleans, but I have finally stopped blaming them for my misfortune, hopefully if they win, I will get a trip. (I don’t know how)

SAINTS over Rams

Arizona Cardinals at

Atlanta Falcons

RENALDO: Loser leaves town match. The Cardinals are running on fumes as Carson Palmer has literally morphed into Dennis Quaid’s character from “Any Given Sunday” right before our eyes. The problem is that this team doesn’t have Wille Beamon. Meanwhile the Falcons are in the middle of their annual plunge into the “way too clear” glass window pane of disappointment.

FALCONS over Raiders

SANNIE: SOOOO Real Housewives of Atlanta is backkkkkk!!!!!!! And the drama has started already.

FALCONS over

Cardinals

Tennessee Titans at

Chicago Bears

RENALDO: Jay Cutler’s most noteworthy move this season was letting the entire world know that he’s an avid Trump supporter. As if his teammates needed another reason not to like him…in addition to his face. Cutler is gone for the season now so the Bears are faced with with two choices – rally behind Brian Hoyer for a strong (pointless) finish or start booking vacation spots. The Bahamas is always nice.

TITANS over Bears

SANNIE: Boy the Bears are terrible, gee.

TITANS over Bears

New York Giants at

Cleveland Browns

RENALDO: When your team is on a five-game winning streak, this is the exact game you want – the Browns. By the way, Odell Beckham doesn’t seem to be much of a “distraction” now that the team is winning right?

GIANTS over Browns

SANNIE: Okay, so I am going to be in New York soon, soooo I have to be nice to the city and hope the city is nice to me.

GIANTS over Browns

San Diego Chargers at

Houston Texans

RENALDO: This may be the one week that Phillip Rivers isn’t pacing back and forth, down by four with under a minute left to play with the ball at his own 20. I’m concerned about his mental health at this point. Another backbreaking loss in the game’s final minute and Phillip could go all Kanye on us.

CHARGERS over

Texans

SANNIE: This is easy. Beyonce.

BEYONCE over

Chargers

Jacksonville Jaguars at

Buffalo Bills

RENALDO: Nope.

BILLS over Jags

SANNIE: Man, the Jags have only won two games, boy that’s terrible.

BILLS over Jags

Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens

RENALDO: Andy Dalton suffered the most debilitating injury a slightly above quarterback could have. He’s out with a torn AJ Green. Sure Dalton is in the lineup but what’s the point without AJ Green. It’s like Bane trying to fight Batman without his steroid tubes or Captain America trying to operate without his archaic Trump-like 1950s Americana values. Won’t work.

RAVENS over Bengals

SANNIE: One thing I do know is that there are a lot of bad teams this season, the Bengals are one of them.

RAVENS over Bengals

San Francisco 49ers at Miami Dolphins

RENALDO: All Dolphin fans are in full peacocking mode at this point. We may actually be more obnoxious than Cowboys fans and they’re literally the best team in the NFL right now. After winning a game where the offence was stagnant for 55 minutes, three O-linemen were hurt, and we’re still the Dolphins, the irrational confidence meter is at an all time high. It helps when you have the fourth best team in the league lined up in your backfield.

DOLPHINS over Niners

SANNIE: Well lookie here, the Dolphins are on a streak, I can’t diss them now.

DOLPHINS over Niners

Seattle Seahawks at Tampa Bay Bucs

RENALDO: Russell Wilson has played through a Marchawn Lynch-less offence, high-ankle sprain, MCL sprain, Pec strain and pregnant wife this season. He’s the unsung MVP candidate that we’re all ignoring.

SEAHAWKS over Bucs

SANNIE: Rusell Wilson and Ciara (they are a package deal now)

SEAHAWKS over Bucs

New England Patriots at New York Jets

RENALDO: The Jets are going back to Ryan Fitzpatrick as their starting quarterback. It took Todd Bowles and entire week to decide this? That’s the literal definition of hustling backwards.

PATS over Jets

SANNIE: Tom Brady is doing his thing this season (and looking good while doing it)

PATRIOTS over Jets

Carolina Panthers at Oakland Raiders

RENALDO: The Raiders are back to an actual home game this week after they made over the wall and back into the United States. Good for Jack Del Rio. He gambles on fourth down and on Mexican water. We’ll watch him on the sidelines this week to see if he won both.

RAIDERS over Panthers

SANNIE: The Raiders have been doing surprisingly well, but I can’t chose them. I have to believe Cam is going to come through for me.

PANTHERS over Raiders

Kansas City Chiefs at Denver Broncos

RENALDO: I could really use Tony Romo as the Broncos starting quarterback right now. A Chiefs loss and Dolphins win means they move into a tie for the final wild card spot. I haven’t been this excited about this state since Colorado Amendment 64. Never change Colorado…except if its to build more dispensaries.

BRONCOS over Chiefs

SANNIE: Two teams with the same record, I like the Broncos, for no reason. Just because…

BRONCOS over Chiefs

Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles

RENALDO: What’s the downside of firing Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson right now. This front office is wasting Aaron Rodgers in the same way they wasted Brett Farve at the end of his career. At some point you have to invest in a defence and maybe, just maybe sign one of the 8,000,000 running backs out there and not rely on a wide receiver to run the ball. They need one more loss to fully implode.

EAGLES over Packers

SANNIE: I see the Packers have also done nothing this season, Let’s get me this win Eagles.

EAGLES over Packers