The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

As I shopped in a Super Value foodstore yesterday (the same one that was recently robbed at gunpoint), a young Bahamian woman asked me about today’s ‘Black Friday March’.

After I told her I supported it 100 per cent, she grinned and said, “Me too. I dun press my black jeans from last week and I can’t wait to march cause I sick and tired of all of it.”

It was much later, after we had parted ways and I continued about my business of finding the elusive can of cranberry sauce my wife couldn’t live without that I realised I’d neglected to ask the lady what - specifically - was the final straw that pushed her to act.

But as I scoured the Mecca of information in this country, aka Facebook, I quickly realised that there are a whole lot of people marching today for a whole lot of reasons.

Bahamians, for the most part, are pretty laid back people. Sure, there are a few of us who are naturally outspoken and somewhat loud (cough, cough) but more often than not, we the people seem to prefer to take the old “wait-and-see” approach. You have to do a lot to make Bahamians march for a cause. And as a politician, you have to mess up big time, repeatedly and with “no shame” to make even your most staunch supporters finally “suck teet” and say “all a dem gotta go”.

You have to be so incompetent, or lazy, or greedy to the point where your celebrity (which, truthfully, is matched only by well known DJs, pastors, numbers boys or gang leaders) no longer makes you seem special. Where you’re no longer given the benefit of the doubt.

In this country, when you officially cross over into the “totally lousy” category in Bahamians’ eyes, there aren’t too many paths back to popularity. Suddenly, your magical ability to “sell dreams” disappears. Your amazing ability to “talk” your way out of scandal dissipates. And the people declare they “ain’t on your run” anymore.

This is where 90 per cent of our political leaders find themselves today.

After years of living “high on the hog” and leading “high flying” lives, these same elected officials now seem shell-shocked that public opinion has turned against them swiftly and decisively.

Now I don’t claim to know every issue Bahamians are marching for today but I do have a pretty good idea about a few that may have motivated our citizens to “get off their duff”, throw on their sneakers and take a stand.

Crime

If you’re a criminal, the past few years have been pretty good for you. Murder, rape and robberies have been on the rise. And our judicial system, backed up to the point an enema couldn’t help it, has simply remained clogged. Bail seems to have been given out like candy at Hallowe’en, and even people with ankle monitors have been tied to more crimes. As accustomed as law abiding citizens have become to crouching behind curtains and hiding in our homes, it’s obvious we were sold a dream before the last election. That dream has turned into a living nightmare. #MaybeItIsTimeToMarch

Education

We’re a ‘D’ average nation led by the smartest politicians on the planet. So smart, they think we should be impressed that the national average has gone from an E to that D. So smart, they decided they will no longer publish national grades because hey, who needs to know grades? Millions of dollars, no grades published and a sub-par education. #MaybeItIsTimeToMarch

Health care

Ok, so National Health Insurance seemed like a nice idea until Bahamians viewed is as an unnecessary tax. More money out our pockets, same old PMH and we still have to have steak-outs? #MarchTime

Gambling

The people said no (to the referendum) and our ‘horseless’ Prime Minister said yes. Now there are more ‘numbers houses’ than liquor stores and churches around this town. And yet we still can’t gamble in Atlantis? #MaybeItsTimeToMarch

Baha Mar

It’s pretty hard to mess up a multi-billion dollar investment that’s 97 per cent complete, right? Right? Yet somehow, this current government managed just that. And that’s after we swallowed our pride about importing 8,000 Chinese workers. Now, 2,500 Bahamians are jobless while the same companies involved (and their imported workers) continue about their business at The Pointe like nothing major happened. #WeMarching

Value Added Tax

Remember when we were told that VAT was a good thing because it would help this country reduce its national debt? Silly us thought that meant the government would actually pay down the debt. Turns out it means we would reduce the potential debt we hadn’t yet accrued by growing it more slowly because we wouldn’t have to borrow as much money (as fast) due to the ability to reach into the cookie jar called the ‘consolidated fund’ and grab out all those extra dollars, aka ‘VAT taxes,’ and spend those instead. Follow that logic? Me neither. #LetsJustMarchThen

The Gender Equality

Referendum

We’re still not sure whether it was about equal rights for women, citizenship, same sex marriage or “getting foreigners straight to get votes” as some people speculated. Either way, it was bungled magnificently. And a whole lot of women, men and ... um ... everyone in between is still pretty upset. #IHearJamaicansMarchingToo

Mortgage relief

Undoubtedly, if you owed money on your home because of financial difficulties, you bought all the pre-election spiel about saving Bahamians’ homes by introducing mortgage relief. Fast forward a few years later and you - that dream buying Bahamian - are now living with Grammy. Or Mummy. Or whoever threw you “and your chirren” a lifeline in hard times. And to make matters worse, you still have to come up with that same money you couldn’t afford for your mortgage just to keep the lights on in “Grammy house” because, well, BPL. While our Prime Minister’s house is “solar right down”. #TimeToMarch

Party Politics

Losing money on Carnival, Caribbean Muzik Fest and BAMSI is one thing. But losing money because of “tiefen” at Road Traffic and various other government departments is just untenable. Seriously? And certain cronies still have their jobs? #MarchMadness

Crown Land

This one is the straw that broke the camel’s back. You mean to tell me Bahamians who have been waiting to receive Crown Land since King Hammer was a hatchet still have to wait while our “dusty foot” Minister of Agriculture okays a proposal that if eventually agreed to and approved would mean 10,000 acres of that same Crown Land goes to the government of China? And not just the land but rights to our fish too? And you already negotiated away the all the trees in Andros? Essentially our birthright? #WeGattaMarchNow

As I said, I don’t know all the issues at stake but there are many. After I’ve done my shifts (at all seven of my jobs ... gotta make these ends meet) I will make my way downtown and join the “Black Friday March” to show my support. The way I see it, it’s time to heed our national anthem and ‘March on, Bahamaland’ while it’s actually still ours to march on.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.