The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

Almost a week after the ravages of Hurricane Matthew, the Bahamas is still limping through recovery.

Thank God my comedic timing and knowing when to have a good laugh has enabled me to ‘laugh off’ everything post-Hurricane Matthew and keep what little sanity I have intact.

Here’s a few observations, laughable moments and humorous ironies from Hurricane Matthew, before, during and after the storm.

Who’s got

the power?

A major impediment holding the nation back from really getting up and running full speed ahead into the recovery efforts is BPL (Brief Power Limitations). Yes, the former government entity known as BEC (Blackout Every Customer). The same BEC we used to talk so bad about, and carry former BEC Board Chairman and Tall Pines MP Leslie Miller to task about.

My, how the times have changed. The absolutely pathetic attempt to restore power to the nation by BPL has the citizenry crying “bring back my BEC” and “where’s the Potcake when you need him?”

Similar to their on again, off again power provision, the BPL social media pages offer sporadic, vague updates as to when the power will be back on.

Obviously the good folks from PowerSecure, who have the government contract to manage BPL, don’t really know how we Bahamians go.

Say something!

One half of the neighbourhood can’t be with power while the other half is without? Inconvenienced consumers want to know at least a ‘guesstimation’ of when their power will be returned.

Sitting on one’s porch, fighting off mosquitos, sweat and hunger (to name a few of the post-hurricane annoyances) and seeing one’s neighbour directly across the street enjoying all the amenities that having power provides, causes the ‘hate’ to rise, and before you know it there’s a community dispute between the haves and have nots.

I had to avoid a similar situation in my neighbourhood by insisting to neighbours I had a generator, thus the reason for my having power and internet. After negotiating free WiFi for a certain few of my neighbours, I had security in place outside my doors. No more having to hear ‘power shaming’ rants from those neighbours still without power.

Necessity is the mother of invention after all, I guess.

What the truck?

But wait, there’s more.

Apparently the hierarchy of BPL suggested that foreign partners and equipment be brought in to assist with the power recovery for New Providence.

It seems that suggestion isn’t sitting so well with many ‘hot’ Bahamians here in Nassau.

I would strongly suggest to the directors of BPL that they bring in the equipment, especially the ‘bucket trucks’ (since rumours run rampant that we only have five to our name)

I understand the suggestion by the management of BPL. They are based out of North Carolina, a veritable magnet for hurricanes. And as many times as that state has been hit by hurricanes, one might think God has issues with NASCAR, tobacco and racism.

However leave the foreign technicians at home. They aren’t proficient in ‘all buck up goes’, nor are they familiar with ‘rigg right up’.

Instead, reach out and recruit former BEC employees who know ‘what’s really gern on’.

Finally, use some of the VAT money collected thus far (wherever it’s stashed) or hit up our good friends from China for a fleet of new ‘bucket trucks’. Only one catch though: the trucks can’t be made in China!

The Colonel is king of chicken

In a land with no electricity the man with fried chicken is king. Well, in that case the Colonel and KFC are king.

Almost as soon as the storm passed KFC locations throughout New Providence were open, providing the nations favourite chicken (obvious by the lines) to famished consumers.

Despite all the talk in the ‘chicken coop’ one bird stood tall. While ‘Bamboo’ got blown to Miami, ‘Sammy’ was slunkin’ and ‘Popeye’ was ducking the ‘eye’, KFC were the ones serving it up.

Personally I want to thank all the KFC employees for their sacrifices from their families just to feed ours.

Gullible gassers

One thing that has always amazed me is how we as Bahamian people fall for false rumours sending the nation into chaos.

No truer case in point was the whole ‘No gas supplies in Nassau’ that spread like wildfire.

It was comical to hear gas station owners initially telling customers there was no gas shortage, no need to panic and throw traffic into disarray island wide. Clearly consumers weren’t on their run ... they wanted gas now. The gas lines (as of yesterday) are now just lightening, so hopefully the truth is now out and circulating. There is no gas shortage.

For all of you who bought into the ‘no gas’ rumour and spent hours on unnecessary lines, there’s a three-letter word that best describes you; here’s a hint, it rhymes with gas!

Until next week, may things be returned to normal in your lives, and the nation as soon as possible. I’m off. I need to put gas in the car.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net