The Tribune

As a life coach and therapist I find that the greatest struggle many clients bring to a session is not having an answer to the question of what they really want.

In many instances they find themselves either looking backwards or living with agreements that they are no longer in agreement with. Whether those agreements are about romantic relationships, work/career choices, roles in business or church, it doesn’t matter. Life is about order. When we live our personal lives in disorder, disorder flourishes.

The choice to live an orderly life is yours for the taking. Living orderly is not only about following law and order but more about your personal sense of order in the way you live. This means really living the life you want now.

Consider the many agreements that you’ve signed with others. What do you do when you have outgrown or have changed your mind about one such agreement; what if it is no longer what you want now?

Here is where many succumb to the paralysis of analysis. They are numb as to what to do, and as such most do nothing. Powerless to renegotiate, they learn to grin and bear it; living with agreements that they are no longer emotionally, mentally or even physically agree with.

This is what I call living incongruent with your truth, which amounts to living a lie. What you really want is a life that belongs to you; not those around you. To live for others is akin to gaining the whole world and losing your soul. When you live a lie you’re not really living; you’re just existing. You go through the motions but are not really engaged. This just existing lifestyle is the essence of the status quo.

Yet deep inside there is a call, a yearning for something more meaningful. This call is often drowned out because of fear. Have you ever asked yourself why so many keep this lie going? Why do they keep on marching on to music that is not their own?

The reason again lies in fear. Fear of breaking those agreements in and of itself amounts to failure. This, for many is just too much to bear. Rather than choose the truth, they opt to upkeep the lie and live life as a masquerade.

Even so, there is a price to pay for living outside of your truth. The price comes in the form of a storm; it brews from within. It is called the storm of self-conflict. This conflicted self is in an internal battle of emotional pain that erupts from living against oneself.

The more you practice self-neglect, self-denial, the more intense the storm. Unable to ride out this storm alone, they turn to something to numb the pain. Some become busy bees, involving themselves in everything to avoid facing the mirror, others reach for some substance – alcohol, sex, drugs etcetera.

To avoid pain or pursue pleasure is the default human emotions. There is no greater pain than to live a life that is not your own. You suffer in silence.

No doubt, the words here are not easy for many to accept or even come to terms with. The good thing though is you can change your life anytime. It is entirely up to you to choose what you want now. The mask you chose to hide behind doesn’t matter. Regardless of where you choose to run or for how long, you will never outrun yourself. Wherever you go there you are, and you deserve to live your truth.

This is your life, only you can live it truthfully. You can continue masking or you can make some real changes now. Don’t continue to live today according to yesterday. Today is a new day, a new opportunity to make new agreements, congruent with your truth.

Leader to leader, reassess what you really want now. Commit to making new agreements and find the audacity to live a life that reflects your truth. Living in order to your truth and your own sense of purpose is living a life that is truly yours. This becomes the solid foundation to live an empowered life. Yes, you can do it!

What do you think?

Please send your comments to coaching242@yahoo.comor call 429-6770.