The Tribune

By RENALDO DORSETT

Sports Reporter

rdorsett@tribunemedia.net

WEEK 3

New England Patriots at

Houston Texans

SANNIE: Boy, this one is rough, Beyonce’s birthplace or Tom Brady…..I think I will go with the power of the Queen on this one.

TEXANS over Patriots

RENALDO: At some point someone has to tell Sannie that Brady’s not playing. I’m not investing any time in learning about Jacoby Brissett. We get it Bill Belichick, you can win with anyone. What if all these years Belichick has been passively progressive and his team of white skill position players finally has its crown jewel in place, a black quarterback. It confuses everyone. I was unsure about Brissett until I learned that Bill Parcells refers to him as “One Snap.” The name alone leads you to believe Brissett is actually good. There’s a chance the Patriots emerge from this with three legit quarterbacks and we still don’t know if the Texans have one on their roster.

TEXANS over Pats

Baltimore Ravens at

Jacksonville Jaguars

RENALDO: It’s as if the Jags were so afraid of people believing in them that they had to correct it immediately and come out of the gates at 0-2. Full disclosure, I was about to make a joke here about the Jaguars pedigree when I realised their recent quarterback history includes Mark Brunell, Byron Leftwich, and David Garrard. I can’t make fun of that when the Dolphins thought Jay Fiedler, Chad Henne and Ray Lucas would work.

JAGS over Ravens

SANNIE: I may not know a lot about football but I know that 2-0 is better than 0-2.

RAVENS over Jags

Detroit Lions at

Green Bay Packers

RENALDO: The big question this week that was on everyone’s mind “What’s wrong with Aaron Rodgers and the Packers offence.” The simplest answer is that they haven’t played the Lions yet. If there’s anyone that solves that problem…other than Olivia Munn…it’s the Lions defence. Also, get Randall Cobb more involved in the offence strictly for Big Blue Nation purposes.

PACKERS over Lions

SANNIE: I swear every time I see Clay Matthews I think about how much I miss Son’s of Anarchy. Why did it have to end?

PACKERS over Lions

Minnesota Vikings at

Carolina Panthers

RENALDO: I said the phrase “Maybe Sam Bradford can actually make all the throws” at least 15 times during last week’s game. Were we all wrong about him? Were all the excuses not really excuses at all, but sound logic and reasoning? So maybe Sam Bradford is good. Will we all completely reverse field like Devin Hester on a punt return if Bradford folds up against the Panthers. Absolutely.

PANTHERS over

Vikings

SANNIE: Cam Newton is so easy to love.

CAM NEWTON over Vikings

Arizona Cardinals at

Buffalo Bills

RENALDO: How many coaches does Rex Ryan have to mow down before he finally gets to Rob. Has a head coach ever fired his own brother? This is my sole focus on the Bills season right now. My God, imagine the Ryan family gatherings.

CARDS over Bills

SANNIE: The Cardinals beat the Bucs last week and made my brother upset, that in turn made me happy so I choose them.

CARDS over Bills

Washington Racial Slurs

at New York Giants

RENALDO: We may never hear “You Like That!?” ever again. At this point, every Racial Slurs fan is wondering whether they thought Kirk Cousins was the answer, or did they just want anyone other than RGIII. Offensive players are starting to complain because of Cousins’ erratic play thus far so he’s not allowed to have another sub par game. Not because of the team’s chemistry issues but because the entire football world will be fixated on this game and another edition of Beckham vs. Norman.

GIANTS over

Racial Slurs

SANNIE: Renaldo had an entire rant about the “Washington Racial Slurs” yesterday morning, although I didn’t quite get all of what he was saying, apparently he doesn’t like them, so I don’t like them either. GIANTS over

Racial Slurs

Cleveland Browns at

Miami Dolphins

RENALDO: I’m fine not beating a one legged Russell Wilson. I’m even fine being owned by Jimmy G and eventually losing to Brikset but under no circumstance do I stay on board with this team if they lose to the Cody Kessler. If the Dolphins can’t beat the Browns’ third string quarterback, a USC quarterback at that…then what’s the point of this whole thing. By that I don’t mean football, I mean life.

FINS over Browns

SANNIE: If the Dolphins don’t win this game, it will force me to have a conversation with Renaldo about his loyalty.

DOLPHINS over Browns

Denver Broncos at

Cincinnati Bengals

RENALDO: DeMarcus Ware will be sidelined for a month and it remains to be seen how that will effect the Broncos defence. Von Miller is still pretty ridiculous though, so there’s always that. Aside from that pair, the Broncos have surrendered just three passing touchdowns in their last five games while getting five interceptions and 21 sacks. Those five games were against Cam, Big Ben, Brady and Luck.

BENGALSover Broncos

SANNIE: Apparently the Broncos won the last Superbowl. I had no clue. So because I missed that, I have to root for them at least once.

BRONCOS over Bengals

Oakland Raiders at

Tennessee Titans

RENALDO: The Raiders defence has allowed 69 points in two games. At this point it doesn’t matter how well Carr, Cooper and Murray play, the Raiders have to win in spite of their defence. I’m not sure if the Titans can take advantage of this. If it takes a monumental comeback to get by Detroit, that extrapolates to losing by two touchdowns to normal teams.

RAIDERS over Titans

SANNIE: I don’t even think Eddie (the only Raider fan I know) is choosing the Raiders anymore.

TITANS over Raiders

Los Angeles Rams at

Tampa Bay Bucs

RENALDO: Jameis will be fine. He has to curb his high interception total but I’ll take his decision making over the mundane brand of rub routes and screen football that has taken over the NFL. The Bucs biggest worry should be their defence, which has yet to force a turnover. On the other side the Rams have yet to score a touchdown this season. This isn’t what the city of Los Angeles signed up for. People in that city haven’t been this disappointed since Gods of Egypt.

BUCS over Rams

SANNIE: As much as this pains me, I have to go with the Bucs, even though I hope they secretly lose, but the Rams suck and no one on their team is cute.

BUCS over Rams

San Francisco 49ers at

Seattle Seahawks

RENALDO: If Blaine Gabbert’s backup quarterback was anyone but Colin Kaepernick, his job would be in jeopardy this week. Half of the niners drives have failed to register a single first down. That’s ineptidue of epic proportions. Gabbert’s lucky Kap is young black guy who thinks it’s not such a good idea for cops to continue shooting black people.

With one of those behind him, Gabbert’s job is safe forever.

The Seahawks have scored 15 points this season. The season is two games in. I don’t know what else we can say about that.

SEAHAWKS over

Niners

SANNIE: Rusell Wilson.

SEAHAWKS over

Niners.

Pittsburgh Steelers at

Philadelphia Eagles

RENALDO: This is the week where Carson Wentz will look like the rookie he is. He’ll still look better than anyone playing quarterback for the Browns.

STEELERS over Eagles

SANNIE: Let’s see, eenie, meenie, miney, mo.

STEELERS over Eagles

Jets at Chiefs

RENALDO: Let’s all agree that Ryan Fitzpatrick never shows up again. It’s even less likely with an unhealthy Brandon Marshall listed as a game time decision. Jamal Charles is scheduled to be back this week, which is a bigger deal for my fantasy team than it is for actual football.

CHIEFS over Jets

SANNIE: Still waiting on someone to take me to New York. I mean my birthday is coming up. Maybe if they win, I can get some of that good karma.

JETS over Chiefs

San Diego Chargers at

Indianapolis Colts

RENALDO: Everything outside of Philip Dorsett is an issue for the Colts. The front office promised the offensive line was improved – Luck was sacked five times last week. We heard the defence was improved – they’re surrendering 36.5 points per game (yes, I know the Broncos scored two defensive touchdowns but I needed this stat to be as close to 40 points per game as possible). Despite the epic collapse in week one, the Chargers’ offence has been rolling this season. The Colts have one major improvement to make this season, Dante Moncrief is out 4-6 weeks so they have no choice but to get the ball to Dorsett.

COLTS over Chargers

SANNIE: Chargers, only because I see the Colts haven’t won anything yet and I can’t take that chance.

CHARGERS over Colts

Bears at Cowboys

RENALDO: Someone keeps thinking it’s a good idea to schedule the Bears to play in primetime. That’s not fair to anyone involved in this process. In “Jealous Ex Watch” – Dak Prescott has played so well so far that Tony Romo is starting to throw during pre game warmups. The massive Ezekiel Elliot bandwagon last a few members after slow start to the year but this game should get us back to max capacity. Also, Brian Hoyer starts for Chicago this week. Ew.

COWBOYS over Bears

SANNIE: Cowboys, because Beyonce.

COWBOYS over Bears