The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

As I pen this week’s column, I’m trying my best to keep a straight face considering the reality show, or in some cases the WWE-like antics of our politicos over the past week.

The political landscape in our Bahamaland, is what we professional comedians refer to as ‘comedy manna.’ You don’t have to write the material, it writes itself and it falls into your act like a gift from heaven.

There was lots to chose from as I sifted through the nation’s ‘political garbage can’. Actually it was more like ‘dumpster diving’ due to the piles of political trash and manure.

Whether it was The Bahamas being referred to as a ‘tax haven’ or the alleged catastrophe of shoddy workmanship, leaks, faulty fire systems or alleged faulty balcony rails the Baha Mar assessors discovered. That is comedy at its best - but wait there’s more.

Perhaps it was the continued cannibalism in the Free National Movement (FNM) and Progressive Liberal Party as we draw closer to elections and certain folks with political aspirations jockey for position, knives drawn.

We can’t forget the results of the first ‘political poll’ that had the nation and the political world buzzing. Frenzied party officials and spin doctors of all three major parties scrambled to put damage control in place and a positive twist on their extremely low returns.

Who is really happy being the best of the worst?

Soaring like an eagle above all of this political humour, providing numerous chuckles, were the actions of the poster child for ‘loose cannons’ - Fort Charlotte MP Dr Andre Rollins.

It was straight out of an episode of ‘WWE Monday Night Raw’, with Rollins crashing the ratification party in Long Island for FNM candidate and present MP for Long Island Loretta Butler-Turner. To make it worse FNM Leader Dr Hubert Minnis was in attendance and there was an elaborate cake to signify the new beginnings and unity in the FNM post the party’s convention.

Embodying everything that is wrong within in the FNM and why it has been so dysfunctional as a party as of late, was Rollins ‘mob’ and all, which included several sheep. I don’t know if it was flashbacks from ‘the slap’ or just a plain old publicity stunt just to muddy the waters.

It’s obvious Rollins is a ‘dead man walking’ politically as the sands in the hourglass slowly trickle down and out on his political career, despite what his good friend, Bamboo Town MP Renward Wells, says. I get what Mr Wells was trying to do: my beloved Dallas Cowboys won’t win every week, and certain weeks I know they will probably lose, but I pick them to win anyway!

But back to the main event. The bodacious Rollins interrupted the official FNM event, with no respect for the leader or party protocol, heckling and goosing from the back of the room, claiming he is truly what the people in Long Island want and need. Well, at least according to him he has suitors, and lots at that, because he got the memo in his present constituency Fort Charlotte, one and done.

Is all well with LBT in Long Island?

Is it still ‘better with Loretta’ ?

Or is there truth to Rollins’ claims?

The whole debacle gave Mrs Butler-Turner the golden opportunity to play ‘victim’ again, a role she has nailed recently. But in all honestly I want to see her lay the ‘smackdown’ on her political rivals, in party or out! Especially when they deserve it.

Mr Christie shuffles, Doc rocks (well, he tries really hard, the PM still has the better moves.) LBT ‘slaps’ (so please stop it with the dance videos already). Wells ‘signs blind’ and Rollins flip flops in and out, up and down, all around like a ‘Jack in the Box’ and another word beginning with Jack.

We know who you politicos really are: it’s 2016, we aren’t that 60s, 70s, and 80s voting populace. We are Y2K compliant!

So politicians please do you, so we can enjoy laughing at the real you and not some created version of you, which is comical in its own right but nothing like the real McCoy.

In retrospect maybe Mrs Butler-Turner has learnt from past ‘slap outs’ that like manure, politicians splatter also, so maybe she didn’t want to get soiled by Rollins again.

I shall give her a pass. Hopefully the rumours in Long Island aren’t true and they give her a pass at the polls too.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net