The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

Once again our political landscape mirrors today’s hottest reality tv and epic soap operas of days gone by.

The more I look at the side plots, back stories and mud being slung by some of the best ‘spin doctors’ in all of politics, over the past week, I’m sure this ‘silly season’ will be one for the books!

Here are a few stories that caught my eye this past week. Some of these may be a flash in the pan, others will spawn more chapters whose characters will have recurring roles throughout ‘silly season’ and beyond.

One thing for sure: the jokes will be in abundance and all of this posturing for ‘silly season’ is ‘comedy manna’ from ‘comedy heaven’ and further proof God has a sense of humour.

Carnival comedy

...of errors

Now, before I begin, for the record I have never been a big supporter of the whole ‘Bahamas Junkanoo Carnival’ idea.

I think the money spent could better serve other areas of our society, like feeding the hungry and homeless, or maybe boys and girls clubs in the various constituencies offering after school tutoring and sports, or perhaps enhancing our own indigenous Junkanoo product and marketing it to the world in lieu of this ‘copycat’ product we are obsessed with continuing, despite a lacklustre response over the past two years.

Nonetheless, I do find it appalling that after two years of pumping tax dollars into the bottomless ‘Carnival commode’ to promote the event globally and encouraging Bahamians to buy into the BJC idea and invest in the event, from ‘bands’ to entertainers, artisans, vendors etc, it has come to this.

After two years of less than desired results and wastage of the taxpayers’ money, we are finally garnering interest internationally with groups from abroad booking flights and hotel rooms to attend the event ... and suddenly it’s postponed? To accommodate our general elections. (Minister of National Security Dr Bernard Nottage has said the general election will be held in early May, but a specific date has not yet been announced. Fixed election dates would eliminate this type of confusion.)

Just as I was about to go off on the Carnival postponement in the next few paragraphs, just like a BPL load shed (yes, they still are load shedding) it’s on again!

Yes, the Bahamas Junkanoo Carnival is back on again, back at its original date of May 4 to 6 in Nassau with an April kick off in Grand Bahama after an “intervention” by Minister of Tourism Obie Wilchcombe.

According to an article in The Tribune, the Ministry of Tourism issued the following statement: “The Minister of Tourism said whilst he understands the thinking that led to the decision made by the Carnival Commission that resulted in the change of dates for the annual event,” the statement read, “the minister is satisfied that, after full consideration of all matters pertaining to this year’s carnival, an intervention was necessary. The intervention was predicated by the voices of the local stakeholders and in consideration of the many guests who have made preparations to travel to the Bahamas for this year’s carnival on the original dates.”

That may be all well and good with the Ministry, a quick fix to a sticky situation.

However, Bahamas Carnival Band Owners Association (BCBOA) President Dario Tirelli told The Tribune the event’s brand reputability and the 2017 festival have been dealt a major blow. He said bands have indicated that nearly 3,000 participants or “revellers” were expected to take part in the festival.

Mr Tirelli said the bandowners would try to salvage the battered reputation of the event. “We’re all excited,” he said. “We’re meeting now to start planning and looking at countdown from today, and to coin our press release respectively to go to the world. We are going to try to make a concerted effort to turn this around, but we have lost. This is still a big financial loss, some people just ain’t coming. Persons have already cancelled their tickets, tried to get refunds, messed up their plans.”

Let’s cut to the chase. You mean, after two years of failing, we finally seemed to be getting it right in regards to BJC with the bookings to prove it, and we shoot ourselves in the foot again due to nonchalant governance?

As a Bahamian, fan of Carnival or not, this is further embarrassment to our nation on the world stage, embarrassment which could have been avoided with a fixed election date.

Also, I can relate to the position taken by the BCBOA. Their investments hang in the balance by a thread, due to politics, with no plan for reimbursement or restitution for the BCBOA in sight if the whole thing goes belly up again, no fault of their own.

All the while the politicos (present administration and opposition alike) continue with their agendas while Bahamians bear the brunt of their impulsive, impractical decisions.

Piss poor pronouncement

“Even though I have a brilliant young man in (State Minister of Finance) Michael Halkitis, a graduate of the College of the Bahamas, I have to be able to challenge him. Because it is so important to recognise how easy it is to piss away money.

“Excuse me for the language. That’s what you call rich language and one day you will have to teach it as a very graphic expression of annoyance by definition,” Mr Christie continued.

In my line of work as a professional stand-up comedian I’ve had to use ‘rich language’ to express my annoyance graphically in a joke or dealing with a drunken heckler. It’s acceptable in the right forum if I do it, considering my profession. I can even use sign language similar to that of our own PM and get an applause break for my efforts and delivery. Again, commonplace in my line of work.

But such ‘graphic’ language is totally unacceptable (in public) if you are the Prime Minister of the Bahamas, President of the United States or the President of the Philippines, just to name a few.

Yes, those holding those respective offices have the same right to free expression as the common man; however, unlike the common man, there is a entirely different level of protocol, political correctness and diplomacy that comes with their positions.

Where I may have the option of biting my tongue, in some instances politicians must bite theirs, period!

Following ‘Birdgate’ maybe the PM’s ‘piss’ reference was a feigned attempt for ‘shock value’ and like so many other Christie initiatives, ended as another epic failure.

On the other hand maybe Mr Christie’s outburst is a sign that he’s finally completely transformed into a grumpy ‘old man’, way past his political prime and expiration date, content to be a curmudgeon. Better suited to chasing kids off his lawn than making vital political decisions for the betterment of our nation.

Since our PM has made having a ‘potty mouth’ in vogue and obscenities as the order of the day, here’s a little something for our embattled PM, in Christie speak:

Dear Mr PM,

I’m so glad you introduced the word ‘piss’ into the Bahamian vernacular, and thanks for the vivid definition also.

Until your definition, I thought the word ‘piss’ would be destined for usage in comedy clubs, barbershops, sporting events, bar rooms, construction sites etc.

Never did I imagine it would be made acceptable in mainstream conversations in today’s society, with folks being so ‘politically correct’ and all. But with a ‘Trumpian’ like effort you broke down all those barriers.

So, taking advantage of this window (now that the word ‘piss’ is so applicable to this present administration) let’s put it to good use, shall we?

First off, why has your administration seemed so ‘pissy’ drunk with power? Two failed referenda and no resignations?

Why have you saddled us regular folks with VAT on top of empty campaign promises and left many Bahamians without a ‘pot to piss in’ or a window to throw it out of?

Some feel your administration’s performance has been ‘piss poor’ in your performance, since it’s left the majority of Bahamians feeling ‘pissed off’.

Finally, why haven’t you called elections already? Is your government afraid of being told to ‘piss off’?

Signed,

A Curious Bahamian (who’s full of piss and vinegar)

Now, before some of you thin-skinned politicos get all bent out of shape, relax. I was demonstrating a form of British humour know as ‘taking the piss’ which by definition is “a Commonwealth term which is an expression meaning to mock, tease, ridicule or scoff.”

Basically, I was only teasing you, like I do each and every week, all thanks to those little nuggets you leave me to work with in the public domain. And like the good fiscal conservative you admonish Minister Halkitis to be, there’s no way I could ‘piss away’ comedy gold when I see it.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net