The Tribune

MICHELL MILLER MOTIVATIONALS

The thing about control that I admire most is the fact that you are either in control or you are out of control. You cannot be sort of or kind of in control. It is all or nothing. When it comes to the life we live, knowing that we are in control of how we think and behave is crucial.

Another key point to consider on this issue of control is that until you take ownership of your life, you cannot effectively take control of your life. Ownership means taking responsibility. Responsibility means having the ability to respond, which speaks to being in control.

The other challenge here is everyone will tell you how "in control" they are until something happens. Almost immediately they lose control. Being in so-called control on a sunny day is not a real measurement of your control stamina. See how you behave or misbehave when the storms of life come banging at your door. Building the capacity to meet life's ever-changing challenges with a sense of confidence is the real revelation of your control quotient.

Even so, people find it difficult to meet their lives where they are. Whether that's losing a job, going through a divorce, dealing with a serious illness or facing foreclosure; these upheavals cause many to become overwhelmed and often paralysed by fear. They are without the sense of control to calm their emotions and navigate their dilemma. Let's be clear, being in control is not about controlling what happens, but rather controlling how you respond to what happens.

Stuff happens; it's called life. So the aim here is not about avoiding life's challenges. Instead, it is about recognising that you have the authority to control how you meet life challenges. True power comes from determining your response, whether you will respond reactively or creatively.

I encourage you to choose the latter. The other critical point is to focus on controlling the things you can. The 'Serenity Prayer' persuades us to accept the things we cannot change, and change the things we can. Well, the same truth applies when it comes to controlling the things that you can.

For example, you can label yourself as a victim or as one who is victorious. It's up to you. Too many are too quick to outsource their power and surrender themselves as victims. This, too, is a choice that you make. You can just as readily choose to be victorious by taking responsibility for your life. Your strongest point of control is to control your behaviour, habits, attitudes, beliefs et cetera. The most challenging part of any adversity is not the adversity itself but finding the courage to get yourself together and deal with the situation.

This is perhaps the most difficult step. I know that just coming to terms with the initial shock of what happen can be emotionally taxing. Still, deep within there's more resilience to face whatever life throws at you. It takes a little digging to discover this deeper power.

Leader to leader, make the commitment to be in control of your life. Remember, nobody can give you power. The real power comes from knowing that you already have the power. This puts you in the driver's seat. Being behind the wheel means you are in control of the all the control buttons that make your life function. Speeding up, slowing down, and changing the radio dials, pressing brakes and pushing the gas pedal are all within your grasp. Once you accept that you are the driver and are in control it is up to you to determine how you navigate life's winding roads.

Come to a sense of knowing that regardless of many challenges you meet along life's highways and byways, you can choose to respond confidently. Having the courage to face life challenges and controlling the way you manage yourself along the way is powerful step towards living an empowered life. Yes, you definitely can do it.

What do you think? Send comments questions to 429-6770 or coaching242@yahoo.com

• Michelle M Miller is a certified life coach, communication and leadership expert. Visit www.talktomichellemiller.com or call 1-888-620-7894; mail can be sent to PO Box CB-13060.