The Tribune

Q: What do I do after my child has been diagnosed with autism?

A: There's no doubt that after your child has been diagnosed with a developmental delay your life as a parent is never the same. The diagnosis can be frightening and many of you feel left with nowhere to turn. You may be consumed with feelings of shock, denial, anger and distress.

I vividly remember one of the first parents I encountered after they found out their child had been diagnosed with autism. I'll call this parent Paul. Paul was a successful businessman and author. In fact, he received the news of his son's diagnosis just one week before his third book was set to be released. Paul came into the special unit I worked in at the time to have his son academically assessed. As with all assessments I conduct, I started with the statement, "Tell me your story." Every parent of a special needs child has a story of the day they learned of their child's diagnosis. This story gives a lot of insight on the parent's acceptance or denial of the diagnosis.

Well, Paul was somewhere in the middle of acceptance and denial. He accepted the fact that his son had a condition but denied that he would have to make any special adjustments to ensure that his child would have a functional life. He was of the opinion that once his son received a "good education" he would be able to fit in with society. I gently but directly informed him that his child would need more than just a "good education".

After talking to Paul for almost an hour, I realised that he was afraid. He hinted then stated that he was terrified that he would have to close his business, give up all recreational activities and his overall happiness. I began to share with this fearful dad that although his life would never be the same, it didn't mean that his happiness had to be sacrificed.

Over the years, I've encountered dozens of parents with stories similar to Paul's. A few fully accepted what their child's diagnosis entailed, while most struggled greatly to even say what their child had been diagnosed with. Many have made the mistake of giving up truly living because they feel as though that's what it takes to manage having a child with a developmental delay.

Although there are many things you should and can do after your child's diagnosis, there are just as many things you shouldn't do. This list of dos and don'ts may seem impossible to follow, but with consistency and support, I guarantee that each day will get a little easier.

• Don't let the diagnosis intimidate you.

• Do get as much information about your child's specific diagnosis. No two diagnoses are alike. Further, you've gone through hardships before in life and overcame them. This one is no different.

• Don't let the diagnosis isolate you.

• Do reach out for help. There are thousands of other parents who have walked a few miles in your shoes. Online groups can also be helpful. You'd be surprised at the amount of camaraderie in the special needs community.

• Don't isolate your child from society.

• Do find ways to integrate them in community activities and programmes appropriate for them. Sure, you may get a few stares and maybe even some rude comments, but don't let uninformed people hinder the social development of your child.

• Don't jump to conclusions about what you think your child's diagnosis may mean for his or her life.

• Do remember that no two children are alike. This is the most common mistake parents make after their child's diagnosis. They say things like: "My child won't be able to learn. My child won't be able to take care of himself. My child will need medication for the rest of his life." They spiral into paranoia based on what they've read or heard. All the doctors, therapists and the price tag that may come with developmental delays can be daunting. But it doesn't mean that your child will go down the worst possible path. On the other hand, what may be working for one child may not work for your child. There are many factors to take into consideration. Talk with healthcare and education professionals to formulate the right plan for them.

• Lastly, don't give up on life!

• Do make it a purpose to have fun! Maintain your sense of humour and look for the joyous moments. Your situation will be more manageable if you maintain a positive mental state. Remember that a diagnosis doesn't mean that your dreams must fall by the way side. It's simply a chance for you to dream a little differently.

• Parents, teachers and other interested persons can send questions and comments to tutoringtherapy@gmail.com or call 552-5909. Information provided will remain confidential.