The Tribune

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

In the spirit of fair play a certain subject must be addressed.

Previously in this column, I gave some insight to my younger Bahamian brethren as to what women really mean when they say certain things.

If I do say so myself, as I recall, it turned out to be a good read.

Despite the raised eyebrows I received from my female co-workers and threats from two of my sister in laws to be shared out of Christmas diner in two house holds.

Ouch!

Fast forward the tape to Wednesday, August 16, 2017.

I’m standing on line at BPL trying to pay my gargantuan power bill before a “blackout” strikes or another BPL executive is fired or arrested.

In front of me were two women deep in conversation, the television on the wall which is usually on was off, so the women’s conversation in front of me would have to serve as entertainment.

As I tuned in I could hear the jist of the conversation. One of the women was monologuing about how her husband really understands her after all these years.

Random Woman: “Girl I feel so sorry for my sweetie”.

“He so lost without real football games. The NFL still ‘practicing games’.”

(Major laughs on my part at this juncture.)

“He tell me he so hate dem practice game before the season start, he decided to renovate the guest bathroom.”

“Girl I been on him like white on rice for years to do that. He got a finish date too, August 23rd.

“That’s means in one week I will have a new brand bathroom. He loves me.”

(More laughs from me at this point.)

Ah, the naivete. Being a woman, her natural instinct was to assume that this was some love offering from her loyal, devoted, loving husband.

NOT!

What her husband really meant: “I can’t wait ‘til the NFL Preseason is officially over.

“My team ga be carrying on this year.

“So since the vibes done set, I will renovate the guest bathroom so you will have nothing to nag me about and run on with during football season.

“The week timeframe will keep me focused and save me from having to watch the Oprah Network or another Lifetime original movie, because if I have to stomach another one, I’ll take my chances jumping of the bridge.

“So when the season starts remember this gift and don’t ask me to do anything non football related until after the Super Bowl.”

Right there and then, in BPL the light bulb went on in my head.

I had to think quick, after all I was in BPL a “blackout” could strike at any moment.

WHAT’S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE ...

Ladies, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander, so with apologies to my homies.

Ladies here is what we men really mean.

HE SAYS: I’m going fishing!

HE MEANS: I’m going to get dead drunk sitting on my boy’s dinghy. Beer in one hand fishing line in the next as the fish swim completely undisturbed.

HE SAYS: It’s a guy thing!

HE MEANS: There is no rational thought process connected to it. You will make nothing logical out of it.

HE SAYS: Can I help with dinner?

HE MEANS: Well muddoes my food ain’t ready yet? I dead hungry, I should have stopped at “KFC”.

HE SAYS: “My wife doesn’t understand me.”

HE MEANS: “She’s sick of my B.S.”

HE SAYS: “Take a break, honey. You’re working too hard.”

HE MEANS: “Why you decide to clean and run that vacuum cleaner while the game on is beyond me.”

HE SAYS: “We’re going to be late.”

HE MEANS: “Buckle up now, I have a reason to drive like a bat out of hell.”

HE SAYS: “I’ve read all the classics.”

HE MEANS: “I’ve been looking at Playboy since I was five.”

HE SAYS: “I got a lot done!”

HE MEANS: “I got the high score on Candy Crush three times today on my I Phone.”

And finally if HE SAYS: “That’s interesting dear.”

HE MEANS: “Are you still talking?”

Well there you go, I hope it makes decoding what your man says a little more fun in the future, ladies.

I, on the other hand, have to go.

My wife calls, I wonder what I have to do now. I can never seem to catch a break, it’s so unfair. I was just off to the den to relax and read a “classic”.