The Tribune

By Inigo 'Naughty' Zenicazelaya

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the House,

Every MP was stirring, from ‘superstar’ to ‘louse’.

The stockings were hung in the smokers’ room with care,

Hoping CEB money soon would be there;

New junior ministers and backbenchers avoided their beds,

As visions of pay raises danced in their heads.

Doc sat in the kitchen, with Ace square on his lap,

Saying “My mouth did it again, I got caught talking crap”;

When out of the blue there arose such a clatter,

And Brent screamed “Don’t forget my Fred Smith matter,”

Away to the window Symonette flew like ‘red flash’,

Tore open the shutters, and prepared for an ‘illegals’ clash.

The moon peered down on Bahamaland below,

As Doc gazed up wondering, “Why Ferreira so slurry and slow?”

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?

Four PLP MPs toting plates out of there,

With a brave-hearted driver, so lively and quick

Saying, “Ma bey I’ne gern ta jail, I’m far too slick,”

And faster than Perry had carried his behind,

Doc shouted, “Office of the Spouse, to me, sounds fine!”

“Now Dionisio! Now Jeff! On Duane! Carl ! and Marvin!

Don’t study Sarkis, for him our people ain’t starving!”

Meanwhile, green with envy, spying way across the land,

Chris groaned and smirked, saying, “Well, at least I run Bran!”

Adrian Gibson popped up, and said “I’ne upset!”

“But shuffle dis Cabinet or I’ll make ya regret!”

Freddy jumped up, and said, “I’se speak my mind,

“I’ne scared a none a yinna, and Freeport don’t tote no line!”

Laneisha stood up, sobbing into her tissue,

Saying, “I coulda sworn marital rape was a private issue!”

Travis sprung up, and said, “I got da Over-da Hill plan!

But first show me the money, cause I’ne no cleaning man!”

Peter was in the corner, playing blind and deaf,

Thinking, “When da IMF finish, we’ne ga have nuttin left!”

Doc stood up, his mouth drawn up like a bow,

The hair on his head was suddenly white as snow,

He started shaking, like a bowl full of jelly,

Saying, “Man, I cracked them once, now the Press all in my belly!”

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself,

And slowly put the Mace back on top of the shelf;

The look in his eye, and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but sat down all forlorn,

Then said, “The Honeymoon over, ya think next election I gone?”

Brave rode away, like the down of a thistle,

Saying, “These FNMs just as guilty, so you point and I’ll whistle!”

Doc went to bed, and turned out the light -

Merry Christmas everyone, and please lock your doors tight!

Merry Christmas to you and yours, from me and mine.

And please remember the true reason for the season.

Merry Christmas everybody!!!