The Tribune

By MICHELLE MILLER

Many have surrendered to the saying to ‘sit small until your name call’.

This position causes people to feel invisible and disempowered. The thing that is most striking about this sit small statement is that invariably many people tend to believe it.

Thus, they sit small based on the way they are treated; whether by words or body language.

Nobody likes being made to feel stupid - or somehow not good enough. So, after a while of being the beneficiary of this behaviour, a lot of people begin to park their entire life in that space titled ‘sitting small’. Not because they have nothing to contribute or cannot do big things. They do so because they are living under the influence of words - opinions - and actions of others. This is especially true if that person has some authority or status.

Teachers, parents, pastors, politicians, managers, supervisors and other community leaders can readily influence the way people feel about themselves and what they believe is possible for their lives. What’s important here, however is to understand that even though these influential folks may have some clout or status, they cannot control what you choose to believe about yourself or what you ultimately do with your life. Only you do.

More often than not, those whose intention is to take power over others - by way of demotivation or disempowerment - are often standing on their own foundation of arrogance, not confidence. Blindly accepting their perceptions and opinions of your perceived limitations is a major mistake. This is why I encourage you to figure out for yourself just who you are and what gifts/talents you bring to the table.

People who have not worked on themselves to address their innate fears and challenges are in no position to tell you to sit small. What they’re really saying is ‘others made me feel small, invisible and irrelevant, so I’m going to do the same to you’.

This is what we call projection. People often project the way they truly feel deep inside about themselves onto others. If you are unaware, you may mistakenly take on their stuff thinking it belongs to you. It doesn’t: it belongs to them.

Here’s something of an experience I had a few years ago. I’ve always imagined myself teaching or speaking in front of a group. Even though at the time, I had a whole lot of developing to do in this area, deep within me that was my desire. At that time my career was locked into banking. One day, the bank was changing the computer system and we were all mandated to dedicate some time to use the training kiosk to learn the new system. My enthusiasm led me to use the kiosk more regularly than others in my department.

Because of this, the Training Leader invited me to lead a training session for our department. However, my Supervisor was not having it. In front of everyone, she interjected that she had 25 years of banking experience and was not prepared to sit in a training session led by me, who had only three years. The Training Leader tried her best to explain that because I had advanced furthest in the kiosk, she thought it would be of value for me to share. It was not to be. My supervisor threatened to walk out of the session if I was going to lead.

Recognising how adamant she was, I simply told the trainer not to worry about it: I would not lead the session. It was probably one of the most dejected experiences I’ve endured. This idea of someone telling you to sit small until your name call can be very immobilising.

However, I didn’t allow that awful experience to hold me back. Instead, I got busy working on myself, sharpening my communication skills and preparing myself to speak fearlessly. Today, I teach/coach the power of effective communication skills to a vast group of people.

Leader to leader, don’t let others push you to sit small. Instead, find your firepower, develop your skills and get busy doing what you are passionate about.

It is only when you get tired of sitting small that you find the courage to stand up for your own ideas. In so doing, you move with confidence to live an empowered life.

Yes, you definitely can do it.

• Michelle M Miller is a certified Life Coach and Communications/Leadership Expert. Questions or comments can be sent to coaching242@yahoo.com or telephone 429-6770 or visit www.michellemmiller.com or snail mail to PO Box CB-13060