The Tribune

By MICHELLE MILLER

Whether it is sports, beauty pageants, spelling bees or general elections, there is a high premium placed on winning and losing. So much so that many folks struggle to live beyond these two opposing positions. As such, people spend lots of time obsessively trying to win or frantically not wanting to lose.

While they each carry their own share of emotional capital, the bigger question is, are you living beyond winning and losing?

The answer for many is an emphatic ‘no’ and the reasons are many.

First, let’s agree that life is colossal. And it most certainly goes way beyond the limits of winning and losing. The only challenge is whether or not you have a strong desire to live beyond these limits.

Life, I mean real life, is about being intentional. It’s about moving with intention to experience something bigger and more meaningful. But here’s the catch – and there is always a catch – you cannot experience more meaning if you are not willing to do some inner work on yourself. This inner work begins with taking an internal inventory of your mindset.

Regardless of where your life is at – be it parked in position of so-called winning or losing – you are the one who parked it there. And you cannot reposition or change your life without first changing your thinking.

You can start by dumping some of those negative and unproductive thoughts. After all, ‘as a man thinketh so is he’.

Your thoughts are the bricks with which you build your life. The quality of your thinking creates the results you experience. Living beyond winning and losing is therefore a decision you must make. Winning and losing are also not etched in stone. Instead, they are defined by each of us. What some call winning may very well be considered losing to others.

But let me just say, if you define winning based on the amount of stuff you acquire and losing based on their absence, chances are your life is lived on a hamster wheel where you are anxiously chasing winning and running from losing. A more frantic, unhappy life cannot be imagined.

Try this on for size – life is not about gaining a pile of stuff nor is it about the absence of stuff. If you are living only to chase stuff and call that winning, you are sadly mistaken. Such a life is not living but merely existing. In spite of the high value placed on getting plenty stuff, in the end it amounts to just stuff. What I learn about stuff is that no matter how much you get, if deep inside you still feel empty, more stuff makes no difference.

I believe that you can only live a better life when you feel better about yourself. To me, you only lose when you lose your desire to live a more meaningful life. Such a life goes way beyond the game of winning and losing.

No doubt, this quality of living is difficult in today’s paradigm of consumerism where people believe more is better. The more you get, the more successful you are believed to be. Yet there are countless stories of the very wealthy who are also the very unhappy.

Real living is about being fully engaged and happy inside your life, regardless of your stuff status. Growing up in Bain Town, I recall many basic meals, like steamed Spam and white rice. While some may see this meal as ‘poor’, what they miss however is the fact that this so-called poor meal was richly prepared with love.

You see, the food we had to eat was not as important as the joy of eating together as a family. Those meals had so much more meaning. On the other hand, look at family life today, where expensive meals produce very little family connection. Everyone is usually plugged into their media device.

Is this a position of winning or losing to not have any quality time enjoying meals together?

Leader to leader, commit to doing the inner work to live your life beyond winning and losing. Redefine the way you define yourself to discover your unlimited possibilities.

Indeed, there is no point to gaining the whole world of stuff only to lose your soul. Living with meaning promotes a positive impact. These crucial steps are the central point of living an empowered life. Yes, you definitely can do it!

What do you think? Please send your comments to coaching242@yahoo.com or 429-6770.

• Michelle M Miller is a certified life coach, communication and leadership expert. Visit www.talktomichellemiller.com or call 1-888-620-7894; mail can be sent to PO Box CB-13060