The Tribune

By Michelle Miller

Do ever feel like you're spending your whole life waiting? Maybe you're waiting for the right time or the right season. Or perhaps waiting for a break that would make it okay to be yourself - to live your life as you desire.

This was the life or Marcia Ferguson. She spent her life waiting. Waiting on her mother's approval. Waiting for her friends to make her feel like she was good enough; waiting for her boss to value her contribution, and finally, waiting for her husband to respect her efforts. She was waiting for a break that never really came her way.

Indeed, at age 44, Marcia's life was at a standstill. Yet, despite of all her time waiting, nothing was changing. She was not feeling fulfilled and her outlook on her life remained bleak at best. Marcia was waiting in vain. This made her resentful, despondent and disconnected from her own sense of self.

Then one day, during her morning routine, Marcia caught a glimpse of herself in her bathroom mirror. After all the years she'd lived in this house and the hundreds of times she stood in this mirror applying her makeup, she felt as if she was looking at herself for the very first time. She did not recognise the person looking at her. As she leaned in closer, she realised that she was not looking at her reflection as much as her reflection was looking at her.

Those intense eyes held her in a trance like a deer in headlights. In this monumental moment. Marcia Ferguson was finally facing herself. She reflected on who she was and how much time had passed. She had no idea of what happened to that optimistic younger Marcia who had such zeal for life.

As those many years spent waiting flashed before her. She pondered, how did she allow herself to sink to such a low point in her life? This sobering question made her think truthfully about her sense of identity and the kind of life she really wanted to live. Her whole life was about people pleasing and approval seeking, but taking no time to approve herself.

In this trance-like state, she heard herself speak: 'Marcia, why are you waiting?' This million-dollar question jolted her back to reality. Hastily splashing cold water over her face, she knew that she could not go on living in this state of waiting.

After gaining her composure, she again looked at herself in the mirror, but now with a new set of eyes. In that defining moment, Marcia made up her mind to stop waiting. She vowed to cut ties with her habit of people pleasing and get busy living an empowered life.

No doubt, there is a little bit of Marcia in each of us. We sometimes become so hung up on trying to fit in that we forget that we are born to stand out. In this time of information overload, it is difficult to sift out information that empowers you to trust and believe in yourself.

Everywhere you turn there is someone or some group nudging you to follow them or join their group. This makes it easy to get caught up in the world wide web of waiting for others to validate your worth. But your life is yours for the living. You can choose to wait or you can choose to live.

Marcia Ferguson spent her whole life waiting to feel good enough, for status she was looking to come from those around her. When in truth, she was born good enough. We all are. It is up to you to accept and live this truth.

Leader to leader, make the commitment to trust and approve yourself. Remember every moment you spend waiting is a moment that you lose. By learning to love and validate yourself you can more confidently live an empowered life. Yes, you definitely can do it.

What do you think?

• Michelle M Miller is a certified life coach, communication and leadership expert. Visit www.talktomichellemiller.com or call 1-888-620-7894; mail can be sent to PO Box CB-13060.