The Tribune

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

Every weekday morning at 4.20am my day starts.

I’m on the road by 5am and on air by 6am.

Thankfully, I am spared the torture of morning traffic.

I do, however, live vicariously through my throng of loyal listeners.

Quite frankly some of their stories leave me near death - either from shock or laughter.

Now that I have five minutes to reflect, here are some of my personal questions and tales from the roads of New Providence… and some of the characters involved.

MADE IN CHINA

First off, why is there a Chinese national driving throughout Farrington Road and Bain Town on a tractor?

What is his purpose or mission in the “hood”?

Even more interesting is the fact that my local “brethren” and “sistren” aren’t even fazed by his presence.

(Also, while we are on the subject of our friends from the land of the “Rising Sun”, I’m wondering what were the three dozen Chinese fishermen trying to catch on the Montagu foreshore the other morning, especially with Bamboo fly fishing rods?...Wrong pond, “Kim Soung”.)

POLICE PRESENCE

Getting back to the roads — regretfully — I think if we must be further annoyed and inconvenienced by certain police officers directing traffic, I’d rather take my chances with the perennially broken street lights.

And now to enhance the experience, the antiquated black and white striped boxes, on which the officers stand to direct traffic, have been brought out of retirement.

Seriously?

Those boxes have been in existence for decades.

Those boxes are the exact same ones I used to pass every Tuesday and Saturday, driving with my mother as a young boy on the way to pick up my father (who was Captain of the Emerald Seas at the time) from Prince George Wharf.

Those boxes haven’t changed since then. And if I’m not mistaken, at least one of the officers directing traffic on top of those boxes has been there equally as long – scary!

Continuing with the fine members of our Royal Bahamas Police Force, I need answers as to why a certain officer on foot patrol in front of John Bull on Bay Street stopped traffic to coordinate his pick up time with a driver who was illegally blocking traffic while handing the officer his chicken in the bag.

Unbelievable!

WHO REALLY OWNS THE ROAD?

And can someone please tell me, is there an official document or bill of sale that shows proof of purchase of the Bahamian roads by the Taxi drivers who infest our roads?

If there is such a document I would like to apologise to the Taxi drivers for all the obscenities hurled your way over the years.

If the document does not exist, well I meant every scathing word.

(Well maybe not every word, but probably most of them).

Jitney drivers please see the above taxi driver disclaimer.

GENDER FENDER BENDERS

LADIES: Moving on to you ladies, for the final time, no matter how hard you try to sugar coat it, driving with one knee while applying your make up, eating your tuna and grits, texting on your smart phone, yelling at your wild kids, all while unleashing your road rage at the jitney blocking traffic is NOT multi-tasking.

It’s INFURIATING!

GENTLEMEN: As for you some of you fellas, you do not receive cool points for driving one mile an hour in your Honda, to avoid the bumps in our roads.

I know the safety of your chrome rims is imperative, but if your rims cost more than your car, you need to sell your rims and use the money to put a down payment on a new car, with factory rims.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Well, I’ve got to hit the road, and only God knows what awaits me.

Nonetheless, my iPhone is fully charged and ready for new photo and video material.

Safe travels and happy trails, until we meet again.