The Tribune

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

In the spirit of fair play a certain subject must be addressed.

A couple of years ago in this column, I gave some insight to my younger Bahamian brethren as to what women really mean when they say certain things.

If I remember correctly ,and if I do say so myself, it turned out to be a good read.

Despite the raised eyebrows I received from my female coworkers and threats from two of my sister in laws to be shared out of Christmas diner in two house holds.

Ouch!

Fast forward the tape to last Wednesday, I’m standing on line @ BPL trying to pay my gargantuan power bill before they start the Christmas ‘load shedding’.

In front of me were two women deep in conversation, the television on the wall which is usually on was off, so the women’s conversation in front of me would half to serve as entertainment.

As I tuned in I could hear the jist of the conversation.

One of the women was monologuing about how her husband really understands her after all these years.

Random Woman -

“Girl I feel so sorry for my sweetie. He down to the wire, the NFL season soon over, and the Dolphins ain’t makin’ no playoffs.

(Major laughs on my part at this juncture.)

“He tell me, if he team don’t make the playoffs he ga be lost without football, so lost he say he gurn renovate the guest bathroom, just to my liking. Girl I been on him like white on rice for years to do that ... He got a finish date too, he say two weeks after the Dolphins are eliminated I will have my new t’ings. That’s means in three weeks or so, I will have a new brand (More laughs from me at this point) bathroom. He loves me.”

Ah, the naivete. Being a woman her natural instinct was to assume that this was some love offering from her loyal, devoted, loving husband.

NOT!

What her husband really meant was:

“I can’t wait ‘til the Dolphins disappoint me once again, once the dust is officially settled. Then I’m off to watch the NBA, LeBron in the purple and gold. Once no big time parties going on, during NBA All Star weekend, I will renovate the guest bathroom so you will have nothing to nag me about during the NBA playoffs.

The three day, weekend time frame will keep me focused and save me from having to watch the Oprah Network or another Lifetime original movie, because if I have to stomach another one, I’ll take my chances jumping of the bridge. So when the NBA post season starts, remember this gift and don’t ask me to do anything non basketball related until after the “ NBA Finals.”

Right there and then, in BPL, the light bulb went on in my head.

I had to think quick, after all I was in BPL current could go off at any moment.

This would be the topic of my next column.

Ladies what is good for the goose is also good for the gander, so with apologies to my homies.

Ladies here is what we men really mean.

HE SAYS: I’m going fishing!

HE MEANS: I’m going to get dead drunk sitting on my boy’s dinghy. Beer in one hand fishing line in the next as the fish swim completely undisturbed.

HE SAYS: It’s a guy thing!

HE MEANS: There is no rational thought process connected to it. You will make nothing logical out of it.

HE SAYS: Can I help with dinner?

HE MEANS: Well muddoes my food ain’t ready yet? I dead hungry, I should have stopped @ “KFC” or “Pizza Hut.”

HE SAYS: “My wife doesn’t understand me.”

HE MEANS: “She’s sick of my B.S.”

HE SAYS: “Take a break honey. You’re working too hard.”

HE MEANS: “Why you decide to clean and run that vacuum cleaner while the game on is beyond me.”

HE SAYS: “We’re going to be late.”

HE MEANS: “Buckle up now I have a reason to drive like a bat out of hell.”

HE SAYS: “I’ve read all the classics.”

HE MEANS: “I’ve been looking at Playboy since I was five, strictly for the articles.”

HE SAYS: “I got a lot done!”

HE MEANS: “I killed it on Madden.”

And finally if HE SAYS : “That’s interesting dear.”

HE MEANS: ”Are you still talking?”

Well there you go I hope it makes decoding what your man says a little more fun in the future.

I on the other hand have to go.

My wife calls, I wonder what I have to do now. I can never seem to catch a break, it’s so unfair. I was just off to the den to relax and read a “classic.”

Be sure to look out for next weeks,

A Comic’s View, for “T’was the Night Before Christmas” 2018.

Get your egg nog ready !!!