The Tribune

By DR EDRICA RICHARDSON

Everyone we see in the world is a reflection of ourselves, and the traits we see most clearly in others are the ones that are strongest in ourselves. This is called the mirror of relationship and it is a powerful tool for emotional freedom.

We try to be the best person we can be, but sometimes we are unsure of our own ‘stuff’. Relationships are a great mirror for where your ‘stuff’ comes out, especially when you don’t want it to. The universe will perfectly align us with those who mirror back to us the areas in which we need to heal or they will mirror back to us the space of self-love that we’ve created. In this way, our relationships are our greatest spiritual assignments; they magnify whatever it is that’s going on within us.

To internalise this truth that everyone is your mirror, you must first understand it. Your relationships with others are your opportunity to experience yourself and grow. They are a perfect mirror of your inner relationship with yourself and the beliefs you have acquired about life and love.

Everything you admire in another person belongs to you, and the same goes for all that which you dislike. In order for you to recognise a certain quality in another it must be part of your consciousness. You could not see it otherwise. Essentially, the bottom line cause of break-ups and divorce is when one or both of the partners can no longer stand to see themselves in the other person. To best understand how everyone is your mirror, think in terms of these three categories: your beliefs, your qualities, and your actions.

Relationships are assignments to help us grow. Many times we align with someone who challenges us by triggering our unhealed wounds, making us act from fearful patterns of communication that create separation rather than connection. This looks like fighting, or withdrawing, which is based on past traumas big or small that we unconsciously bring into the present moment and even project into the future. Oftentimes it is not the present situation that is upsetting us but rather an unhealed wound rooted in the past.

Here’s another way to look at it: have you ever realised how the one thing your partner does to drive you crazy is probably the one thing someone has told you about in the past but you weren’t ready to hear or even work on. It could be something as small as saying ‘thank you’. So instead of being upset with your partner, remember how long it took for you to notice your own flaw(s). What way would have been the best way to received news of your imperfection? While it may drive you nuts, don’t allow that one distraction to cost you the one thing that matters, your relationship. I invite you to use your mirror this week to shift your attention to what’s happening on the outside and deepen your attention and awareness on your inner life. Remember, what is on your mind will govern your time and relationship. Don’t get caught up in the problems that will happen or you will miss the blessing you have.

• Dr Edrica D Richardson is licenced marriage and family therapist in multiple states in the US and an AAMFT approved supervisor. Her clinical specialties include relationship issues, infidelity, individual issues, family counselling and life coaching, to name a few. She works with adolescents, couples, and families in the Bahamas and the US. Check out her website at www.dredrich.com.