The Tribune

By Inigo Zenicazelaya

WITH the dreaded VAT increase days away, Travis is on cleanup duty, Halston speaks in tongues, Sebas for PM, and Hubully is born.

The Clean Up Man

I think most would agree that it was a brave move for Bain and Grants MP Travis Robinson to vote against his party’s proposed 60 percent VAT rate hike. Most would also agree that in politics (as in life) mistimed bravery can land you in political crosshairs, as was exactly what happened to young Robinson.

Within hours of his vote he was fired, and his unceremonious ouster from the Ministry of Tourism had social media “lit”.

“The People” loved what he and the other FNM “no” vote MPs had done. And because of Travis’ “tender age” it seemed “The People” were particularly invested in his story.

There was a viral video of a reporter chasing him down Bay Street for comment. Then Robinson waxed philosophical for his Facebook followers with an RFK quote about “ripples” and “hope”.

“The People” ate it up, and took to worrying about (and defending) young Robinson the way Bahamians coddle a favourite child.

More intriguing was Robinson’s promised speech in parliament at the next sitting of the House. Bahamians everywhere (ever ready for a juicy row) waited with bated breath.

On Wednesday, in an eloquent speech, young Travis took to the floor of the House and affirmed his commitment to his constituents (which “The People” loved) while also affirming his commitment to the FNM (which “The people” suck dey teet at.)

I guess Bahamians wanted a showdown between Robinson and the same Cabinet bullies who openly called for his head in the first place.

Shrewdly, he didn’t take the bait.

What would he have gained by cussing out Minnis a la Andre and Renny vs Christie last time around?

I mean, sure, we would have had a few moments of unbridled entertainment but what would it have really accomplished?

The FNM has already taken “dat lil ting” away from Travis.

They took his office, his keys, his forty thousand dollars (plus perks) and reduced his government salary back to the dreaded realm of “janitors pay”.

I heard they even took his red plate. And “yinne think he fool enough” to push it?

No, he isn’t.

The young MP made the point he wanted to based on his convictions. He also questioned the Westminster system which is something none of his long-in-the-tooth colleagues would ever dare to do.

Now if this were 2021, Travis may have done something differently. But the truth is for most of the backbenchers thinking to “yuck” the elites in their own party, the next election is too far away.

So, like the rest of them, young Travis has had to cleanup his criticism of the VAT rate hike, make nice with his colleagues and bide his time.

I heard he opened a new tourism consultancy firm and is even willing to work with the government. Too bad this current administration – and Minister of Tourism D’Aguilar in particular - turned “consultant” into a dirty word.

How hypocritical would it look for them to hire young Robinson right back and give him a fat paycheck for his renewed loyalty when they railed against the same kind of “political cronyism” when Christie and crew did it?

Hally-lujah

According to an article in The Guardian, Speaker of the House Halston “Hally” Moultrie has waded into the VAT rate hike conversation by basically asserting that God will see Bahamians through it.

Now, I don’t want anyone to take this the wrong way (most especially my priest whom I will have to see this weekend) but how did the Lord suddenly get in the FNM’s mixup?

It’s never a good idea for politicians to invoke God for political expediency.

First starters, it’s politicians - not God- who having been driving the economy deeper into a ditch these past decades.

Second of all, this big tax jump to 12 percent VAT... I mean, usually the Lord only asks for 10 percent so I don’t think this is His doing.

During the last administration former Prime Minister Christie made the unfortunate remark that people could go to God but would still have to come back to him.

Now these FNM politicos are telling us, “Take your problems to Jesus and don’t look at us!”

That’s what you call going from ludicrous to ridiculous.

Now Jesus himself did say to render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and render unto God that which is God’s but thanks to this government we will have to pay Caesar “plenty plenty more money” come Sunday.

With “VAT on erryting” there’s no way around it.

We are forced to give 12 percent to Caesar’s collection plate on a blessed Sabbath while Caesar smirks and tells us to “look to God”.

Sebas for PM?

No doubt the “numbers boys” are smarting from the “cut skin” they’re about to get when the new tax rates come into effect.

The minister responsible for gaming, Dionisio D’Aguilar has been especially tough on them. He’s been so cold when it comes to their industry you’d swear the “number houses” were stealing quarters from the wash houses.

But I digress.

The big question since news of the tax rate hike on webshops broke has always been, ‘What Sebas and Flowers dem ga do about it?’

To answer that question, the rumour mill went into overdrive this week with speculation that one of the more vocal and visual operators, Sebastian Bastian, would somehow, someway make a run for “prime minister” next election.

Desperate times call for desperate rumours, I guess.

Not to say it’s impossible for him to become PM – after all the Bahamian electorate has proven they’d vote for a goat in the right colour T-shirt if they’re mad enough.

So a “spin and win” candidate is not out of the realm of possibility.

Plus, Donald Trump did win in the most “sophisticated” democracy on earth.

So maybe Sebas somehow, someway becoming PM is not “technically” impossible.

But try winning a three-ball you‘ve been playing for the past four years because you “saw some numbers in a dream” in one of his establishments...

Now that, my friends, is the textbook definition of impossible.

The Birth of Hubully

Bahamians have had great nicknames for our Prime Ministers over the years.

First there was Lynden Oscar “Ping” Pindling.

Then we had Hubert ‘Hubigetty’ Alexander Ingraham.

Last time we had to tango with Perry “The Shuffler” Gladstone Christie (who, ironically, shuffled his feet but never his Cabinet.)

And now we have a strange 2018 hybrid of a mild mannered underdog turned “fire dem all” vicious attack dog.

Don’t miss next week’s episode on the birth of “Hubully”.