The Tribune

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

SUMMER is here, so every nook and cranny is crawling with a summer infestation of terror and destruction that would rival any of those plagues found in The Good Book.

You guessed it, teenagers!

Ah, yes, I remember the free-for-all, happy go lucky days of youthful existence.

STEALTH MISSIONS

We all had our go-to fun filled outlets during the long hot summer break and the older we got the more daring we became.

Mothers’ cars were rolled out of driveways right after midnight with the stealth and precision of a Navy Seal Unit.

The cars were rolled down the street until out of earshot, started up and driven off to the hottest night spots (where entry was a separate mission entirely).

Back then, the only “Grand Theft Auto” we knew of was an inside job that — if executed correctly from start to finish — could elevate the perpetrator to legendary status among his peers.

PARTY ON

Grand parties were organised in the blink of an eye (once Mom and Dad had confirmed their arrival at their vacation destination).

As to not expose certain persons who have since attained lofty status in this community, I will not comment any further on said events. (No need to rehash their escapades with beer funnels, livestock and other sordid oddities!)

By all standards of the day these brazen parties and joyrides were considered “extreme” actions or events. (I’m quite sure as you read this an event or two from your past has crept to the front of your brain. Either you’re smiling or frowning or both. Either way, enjoy the memory.)

REALITY CHECK

Sadly, I was informed recently by my best friend’s son (a fifteen-year-old hybrid between a skateboarder, MMA fighter, BMX/motorcross rider and pit-bull breeder) that what his father and I did in our generation was not “extreme”, but rather boring, mischievous behaviour. He may have even used the word lame.

“Booger” (as I affectionately call him) proceeded to expound on the difference between “Generation X” and “Millenials”.

As he explained the many ways the “Next-ers and Millenials” dwindle away their summer days whilst endangering all around them in the name of cool points, I realised this new, young, “extreme” generation has taken one too many hits to the head while practising their “extreme” and at time idiotic manoeuvres.

NO NEW SCHOOL WITHOUT THE OLD SCHOOL

Being a fan of most things old school, I have had about enough of this as I can take, and since there is no time like the present I must now deal with the matter.

The matter being the utter disregard for the accomplishments and legacies left behind for the next generation by the previous generation.

Truly, If we didn’t do what we did the bar wouldn’t be set, and you would have nothing to shoot for. “Next-ers” and “Millenials” since in order to be “extreme” you must first break rules that have never been broken, ride that which has never been ridden, and do things which have not been done.

As you look to surpass greatness (or lameness, depending on your point of view), let me first tell you what is not “extreme”, young ones.

Pulling off a 360-degree skateboard trick as you avoid a tour bus as you blaze down the entrance to the Atlantis going against the flow of traffic is not “extreme”.

Determining how far you can pop a wheelie riding down the middle of Bay Street with no helmet on is not “extreme”.

Sporting a radical hair style with a fashion fiasco wardrobe to match, as in t-shirts expressing teenage angst to the world, “jeggings” and “shants” (I still haven’t figured out if they’re shorts or pants) is not “extreme”.

The multiple piercings that make you youngsters look like you’re about to spring a leak (maybe that’s where some common sense has evaporated from) is not “extreme”.

Do you want to know what is really “extreme” little ones?

THE REAL EXTREME

“Extreme” is waking up very early every day and going to work to provide for a family.

Paying all your bills on time (especially in this economy) for many is considered “extreme”. Cooking dinner, transporting “extreme” kids to and from their required activities and cleaning up after these “extremely” messy kids is what’s extreme these days, because with the average child staying with Mom and Dad into their thirties there’s really no end in sight!

Now that is “extreme!”

Balancing your relationship with your spouse and finishing all the domestic things your wife dreams up around the house is “extreme.” Tune up the car, landscape the yard, play with a five month old who is teething while trying to win a board game against toddlers who know how to cheat…now that’s “extreme!”

THE REAL WORLD

In the adult world, a world you hopefully will have not an inkling of for many, many, many years to come, what is considered “extreme” would figuratively blow away your literally bruised minds.

Watching you all make your way through this world is “extreme” and “comical” all at the same time.

There are high hopes that one day, you will be the generation to find cures for diseases, an end to hunger, all while bringing forth world peace, because in all honesty, so far we “X-ers” have not come close to accomplishing all that.

Until then, though, good luck with the new skateboard ramp, “helmet cam” and personal YouTube channels this summer.