The Tribune

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

CHRISTMAS is upon us and there’s nothing more “political” than office Christmas parties.

So to ensure all you office Christmas partygoers, whether it’s your office or someone else’s, remain “politically correct” and don’t end up either in court, incarcerated, hospitalised or all of the above.

Here’s my top ten list of what not to do at your office Christmas party, always remember, work rules still apply.

1. GETTING INEBRIATED (DRUNK)

It’s a party, so you can expect a lot of people to get a bit tipsy.

However, dancing on the bar or starting a fight, is still unacceptable.

As long as you don’t do anything that is illegal, then the worst punishment you will have is being “shame”.

If the company puts on an “open bar” employees might feel that they cannot be held responsible, but they can.

So no need to show your “jungaliss” side.

2. ASKING FOR A RAISE

There is a time and a place to negotiate a change in your pay, the office Christmas party is NOT it!

Drunken slurring about how you’re the best employee to your boss while spilling your drink will not have the desired effect in securing your raise.

3. DON’T INVITE FRIENDS TO THE OPEN BAR

An open bar is considered a Christmas gift from the employer to the employees, bringing your friends will make you “persona non grata”.

4. MAKING ADVANCES

An employer may be ultimately responsible for the actions of his employees at an office function or party, just as it may be responsible for the actions of its employees in the workplace.

So no “cutting up” with the boss’ wife or secretary for that matter.

Nor any of your colleagues’ significant other.

Neither any of your co-workers directly!

Sleeping in a cell over the Christmas holidays is not cool.

5. DON’T ARRIVE OR LEAVE EARLY

The office Christmas party is not an easy event for some as it is for others.

In a multi-cultural society some might argue it is debatable whether or not the concept of an office Christmas party might be outdated, nowadays people just want a Christmas bonus, office parties, hams and turkeys are optional.

In any case always remember to be “fashionably” late and leave late, right ahead of the staff, and you won’t be in violation of “office Christmas party etiquette”.

6. NO MAN LIKERY OR GOSSIPING

After a few drinks, “liquid courage” might make people more talkative, but putting down colleagues or gossiping is never cool.

You don’t know if the person you are talking to will repeat your conversation, which could lead to awkward conversations when you sober up and have to face people in the office in the new year.

7. FUSSING AND FIGHTING

Not surprisingly, fighting constitutes gross misconduct, which should be dealt with formally under a company’s disciplinary procedures.

Advice to anyone thinking of getting involved in one is this – it will most likely lead to your dismissal.

8. NO TALKING SHOP

Talk shop, and you might find you have a lot of very short conversations.

The office Christmas party is a chance to talk with colleagues, but not about work. You don’t want to be known as “Boring Bob.”

9. DON’T OVERLOAD YOUR PLATE

The food is for everyone. So make sure it lasts the night. You want to have something to eat, especially if you’re drinking, but you don’t want to be the person at fault for why someone else hasn’t got a single morsel.

“Toting”, however, is completely acceptable.

10. DANCE MACHINE

In the old millennium, looking lost on the dance floor might have been largely forgotten as memories faded.

Today, you can guarantee those “moves” could haunt you for a very long time.

Social media is a wicked beast!

Until next week, it’s the Yuletide season, it’s time to enjoy the Christmas cheer, time to party, so let the holiday spirits flow!

Just remember the rules, written and unwritten.