The Tribune

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

THIS week’s column is for my barber Leon, and barber shops world wide, the last bastion of free speech and unfiltered humour!

Here’s the column I promised to the regulars at Atlantic barber shop, my therapeutic outlet. (Since I can’t afford a therapist, thanks to VAT).

Here’s a couple of good ones about the old barber shop.

Enjoy the laughs, we all need a good one, just look around !!

CLOCK WORK

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked: “How long before I can get a fade?

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said:

“About 2 hours.”

The guy left.

The next week, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked:

“How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around at the shop and said:

“About 3 hours.” The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked:

“How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop and said:

“About an hour only.”

The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said: “Hey, ‘Yardie’ do me a favour.

Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back”.

A little while later, ‘Yardie’ returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked:

“So where does that guy go when he leaves?”

‘Yardie’ looked up, tears in his eyes and said:

“To your wife!”

BREAST WISHES

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful cleavage that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said,

“Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room.”

She replied,

“I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that.”

The cowboy said,

“Tell him you’re working overtime and I’ll pay you the difference.”

She said,

“You tell him. He is the one shaving you.”

CONSISTENCY

A guy walks in to the barber shop.

Barber says, “What will it be today?” Guy says, “well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up.”

Barber says, “Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that.”

Guy says, “That’s how you cut it last time.”