The Tribune

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

SEEING how my Cowboys lost yesterday, on Thanksgiving, I could easily practice my ‘Grinch’ routine early, but I won’t. Instead, I’ve decided to laugh it off, because if I don’t laugh, I’m most certainly going to cry.

This dysfunctional relationship with my favourite sports team is taking its toll on me, as not to slip into the doldrums, here are a few funny Thanksgiving stories to make us all laugh.

COLD TURKEY

It was the day before Thanksgiving, and a man collapsed in a Wal-Mart in Worcester, Massachusetts.

Other customers gathered around and the first-aider was summoned. It did not look good for the man.

There was blood coming out of his ear, his face looked white and he was unconscious.

The store manager dialled 911 and when the medical team arrived the first thing they did was take off the man’s hat, and to everyone’s amazement inside was a partially frozen turkey.

What felled the man was the chill from the turkey numbing his brain. The blood came from the giblets which had melted and leaked over his hair and down into his ear.

As it was Thanksgiving eve, the manager took pity, and rather than prosecuting the shoplifter, gave him the partly thawed bird and sent him on his way.

Two days later, the manager got letter from the man apologising for his behaviour and thanking the manager for his action.

Also inside the envelope was $25 - the price of his turkey - and a bill from his doctor.

TIGHT END TURKEY

The Miami Dolphins, had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.

While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded to be given a chance to play at tight end.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned, the coach shouted, ‘You’re superb. I want to sign you for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.’

‘Forget the bonus,’ replied the turkey,

‘What I want to know is, does your season go past Thanksgiving Day?’

SIMON SAYS MORE STUFFING PLEASE

Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

“What are you doing?” Simon enquired.

“Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,” his grandmother replied.

“Wow, that’s cool!” Simon remarked. “Are you going to hang it next to the deer?”

LEFTOVERS

In closing, I will leave you with a classic, from one of my favorites, David Letterman.

And remember, be thankful for all that you have, and don’t worry about what you don’t.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and enjoy those turkey leftovers, turkey sandwiches, turkey salad, steam turkey and turkey souse in the days to come.

HERE’S LETTERMAN

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat.

David Letterman