The Tribune

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

After downing a few cold beers with fellow comedian Frankie Paul, down at Green Parrots, the topic of fishing came up.

Frankie is an avid fisherman, as were several of the “bar flies” huddled up at the bar, that we were trading jokes and fishing stories with.

I can’t lie, those were some tall tales and extremely funny, fishing stories.

When asked to tell my story, I didn’t hesitate.

I was quite eager to share my one and only fishing story. (Tall tale.)

CATCH AND RELEASE

To make a long story short, the one and only time, that I went fishing and caught something, was a Cuban with live bait, but he was under sized so I threw him back.

It’s all about catch and release with me!

After a good laugh and a few eye rolls, the flood gates opened on “fishing jokes”.

In fact, Frankie and I were caught in a tsunami of bad one liners and fishing jokes, that we should use in our acts, according to the “bar flies”.

A few were funny enough to make me laugh, (which isn’t easy) so I thought I’d share them with you.

Especially since we all need a laugh, considering all what we’ve been through recently, and what lies ahead for us as a nation.

FRESHLY CAUGHT FISH

Alex had a terrible day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one.

On his way home, he stopped at the fishmonger and ordered four rainbow trout.

He told the fishmonger, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?”

“Why do you want me to throw them at you?” asked the fishmonger?

“So that I am able to tell my wife, in all honesty, that I caught them,” said Alex.

“Okay, but I suggest that you take the salmon,” chimes the fishmonger.

“Why’s that?” replies Alex.

“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take salmon. That’s what she’d like for supper tonight,” replied the fishmonger with a robust grin.

FISH FOOD FOR THE BRAIN

A customer at a local fish market, marvelled at the owner’s quick wit and intelligence.

“Tell me, Wilson, what makes you so smart?”

“I wouldn’t share my secret with nobody,” Wilson replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear.

“But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it.

“The secret is, fish head. You gat ta eat enough of them, if you eat da head, you ga be brilliant.”

“You sell them here?” the customer asks.

“Only $5 apiece,” says Wilson.

The customer buys three.

A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter.

“You didn’t eat enough,” says Wilson.

The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads.

Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry.

“Hey, Wilson,” he complains, “you’re selling me fish heads for $5 a piece when I can buy the whole fish for $3, you swinging me!”

“You see?” said Wilson, “it looks like you’re smarter already.”

PET FISH

After a long day of fishing, Trevor is approached by a Water Conservation Officer who asks him for his fishing licence.

Trevor replies to the environmentalist, “I was not fishing and I did not catch these brown trout, they are my pets.

“Every day I come down to the water and put these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back.

“When I’m ready to go I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home.”

The officer, obviously, does not believe him and he reminds Trevor that it is illegal to fish without a licence.

Trevor turns to the warden and says, “If you don’t believe me then watch,” and he throws the trout back into the water.

The warden says, “Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will jump out of the water and into the bucket.”

Trevor turns to the warden and says, “What fish?”